Howard's Boi
by Memeal
Summary: Duo has always delved into his passions with a singlemindedness. But what happens when he discovers a passion for GW fanfiction? Slash 01x02 AU
1. Pillow Talk

A snicker breaks over the quiet and then dies.  
  
Another, snicker... again. Heero shifts in his bed and turns over, pulling the pillow over his head and clenching his eyes shut.  
  
"Oh wow... "  
  
"Duo"  
  
"Hmm?" another bout of muffled laughter.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Oh! Oh yeah, sorry. No, I'm sorry, I know you wanna sleep. Hey, you should see this though. Oh this is a riot. Listen to this, 'They weren't sure if they wanted t-'"  
  
"Duo!"  
  
"Ohp! Right. Quiet."  
  
Silence.  
  
Snicker.  
  
A groan and Heero sits up annoyed and staring at his roommate.  
  
"Sorry!" the braided young man, his bare back in shadow but his face and the front of his upper torso bathed in blue light from the computer screen, shoots a look over at Heero and grins to hide the nervousness. "It's just, you gotta read this, buddy. I'm sorry. But you just gotta."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Duo stares at him and then a burst of laughter. "Oh yeah, that's here too!" and with a sniggering to beat the band, hunches over and tucking his arms around himself, plasters himself to the screen.  
  
Not so much overcome as just intent on turning the stupid machine off (and not wasting a bullet or waking up the dorm by shooting a hole through the blamed thing - it wasn't his computer, Duo had bought it six months before from a girl who'd just recently graduated) Heero stands up and stalks the width of the room, pulling up a chair and plopping into it.  
  
"Okay, okay.." Duo's excitement could be contagious, but it was more annoying than anything right now. "So, read this, okay? It's a Gundamium web site. Someone decided they thought we were pretty good looking so they got our pictures and stuff. Heero! It's a fan site! We're famous! Right next to the Back Street Boys.." and his laughter says quite a bit on the subject of preteen-geared boy bands. "This is so cool."  
  
Heero silently reaches up to turn off the screen and his wrist is grabbed in a tight snatch of fingers.  
  
"Oh... I hope no thirteen year old fan girls read this stuff..." Duo whistles. "Check this out. 'Heero groaned. His' - umm.. we won't read that.. "Duo smiles innocently and reaching down, quickly shuts the screen off. "Okay.. I'll turn everything off, you go to bed.." as he reaches down to touch a few keys to start the computer's shut off process. Didn't need the screen on for that.  
  
He gets to the second to last of the three buttons and Heero turns on the screen. "Wait.." his one word answers and prompts were normally endearing but tonight, they might have become just a tad annoying.  
  
Duo groans and settles back into his chair with a sigh. "Yeah... yeah.. just.. yanno, don't kill me or anything."  
  
Heero says nothing, only leans forward.  
  
At his side, Duo holds his breath, keeping his eyes on the shadowed wall behind them. Until a breath, a click, and the room is dark again.  
  
A few clicks of keys, even Heero wasn't going to leave that up! Then Duo can hear the computer slowly wind down. He grins in the darkness. "Pretty wild, eh? I mean, they've got us in sections. That was cool. But I dunno about the pairings. I mean, Quat would have a fit if he found out that they'd paired him up with Trowa. I mean, he's so straight you can't help but use him for a ruler. And Trow and Wuffie.. they'd get so mad." He laughs nervously. More nervously than before. Duo laughter, as a rule, was fairly nice to listen to. But at three in the morning, it left something to be desired.  
  
"Yeah, and well, that stuff about you and me. That's just weird." The rustling of bed clothes on the other side of the room reminds him to get into his own bed and he lays back, rambling nervously. "I mean, do you think people truly believe I'm gay? Yeah, I've got the braid and stuff, but I thought I'd explained that back on the Misty show last February. Or maybe it's not my braid.. maybe it's something else. But you! Man, who could ever think you were gay? You're more straight than Quat is, knowwaddeyemean?"  
  
"Duo."  
  
"Hey, sorry, it was just so funny at first. I didn't know that they had that kinda stuff in there about you and me. I was laughing at the other stuff, wondering about the guys and all, what they would think and how they'd react and ... all ... that ..."  
  
"Duo.." a soft sound.  
  
"Yeah?" in the dark.  
  
"If it were true.."  
  
A breath, shocked. "It's not though."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Okay, so if it were true?"  
  
"It wouldn't bother me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Being gay."  
  
"I'm not following you, buddy.." it was rare to hear Duo sounding so exasperated.  
  
"I mean, why should it bother me when I'm not gay, that people think I am? If I was gay and it said I was heterosexual, that wouldn't bother me either."  
  
"Lots of words from you, Hee-chan."  
  
"Good night, Duo."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
...  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you gay?"  
  
A sigh of exasperation. "Go to sleep, Duo."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Just checking."  
  
...  
  
"Umm.. Heero?"  
  
"Five."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Four"  
  
"Oh! I was just going to say that-"  
  
"Three"  
  
"- you didn't answer the question."  
  
"Two"  
  
"I'm asleep now!"  
  
"One"  
  
Silence. 


	2. Breaking it to the Guys

The room wasn't particularly full, still the five young men sitting around, legs akimbo, bottles of soda and glasses of water and wine on the table, managed to take up more room simply by sprawling. Though, truth be told, not all of them were spread out. Heero sat stiffly, glaring at his roommate, his legs clamped together and a glass of water held between two palms in what might seem like ease but really was putting the glass under quite a lot of strain.  
  
"So, her name is.. umm.. Kimmie - Beau, or at least that's the name she put down under the stories," Duo was saying with a grin to all from where he lay and took up the entire couch. His head to the side, his elbow propping the rest of him up crooked on the pillows, he swept the rest of the room with his violet eyes.  
  
"Mmm, and this onna, she writes about us then?" Wufei's brow rose and displeasure was written all over his face. He twitched a foot and then crossed it over the other one, which was laying across the small of Trowa's back, the pair of pilots laying on the floor by the coffee table.  
  
"People do funny things," Quatre mused from the papras chair, his fingers playing with the edge of the big pillow. "They've done it to boy bands, they've done it to books and movies, why not do it to us too?"  
  
"Oh they were certainly -doing it- to us, that's for sure," Duo laughed.  
  
"Exactly what were the fictions about?" Trowa's quiet voice managed to bite a hole in the comfortable wall of talk around him, simply by virtue of it being so seldom that the brunette was heard to speak.  
  
"Ah, well..." Duo blushed. "Lessee, there were some cute ones about the war," a snort near Wufei's corner made him grin, "they were, because they were nothing like the real thing. We're all heroic and not scared shitless like we really were."  
  
"Who was scared?" Wufei asked defensively.  
  
"Did you read them, Heero?" Quatre asked suddenly.  
  
"Yes." The dark haired pilot answered carefully. Still, he was always careful so maybe it wasn't that much different from usual.  
  
"And?" Quatre however, seemed to recognize something in the one word answer and he looked in curiosity at the Wing pilot.  
  
"And they were highly inappropriate," was the terse reply.  
  
Duo snickered and buried his face into his pillow. Around him, the three pilots who were in the dark looked at one another in confusion. "Umm, I think that we'd like to know what this is all about, Duo," the small blonde asked finally.  
  
Duo looked up and grinned at the pairs of eyes trained on him. He had always been a sucker for the center stage. "Well, it's easy. There were plenty as well, that made us out to be gay."  
  
"What???"  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Woah!"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Not all of us!" Duo sat up, putting his hands out to stop them all and laughing. "Cmon you guys, it's just fiction but you gotta agree it was funny."  
  
"What do you mean, not all of us?" Wufei growled.  
  
"Well, you were straight, Wuffie.." Duo grinned at his buddy and shrugged. "In fact, you always got nose bleeds when the rest of us started to talk about sex." His eyes widened at the look of horror on Wufei's face and he chuckled. "Not too far from the truth, actually."  
  
Wufei groaned, pulling his feet off of Trowa's back and curling them closer to himself. Beside him, Trowa sat up and gathered his lover closer, shot a glance at Duo filled with some kind of conversational piece that probably only Wufei could understand as most of their conversations seemed the silent kind anyway, and frowned.  
  
"How about the rest of us?" Quatre's brow raised in curiosity.  
  
"I don't know that this is something I want to hear," came Wufei's voice. "People writing about our sex lives, that's just wrong."  
  
"Well," Duo forged on, "Quat, you and Trowa are paired up almost every time. Somebody got it into their head that the two of you would do well together and since you're so girlie, Quat, you always come out as a victim. Come to think of it, so do I. Someone is always having to rush in and save one of us."  
  
"Somebody?" Heero sounded surprised this time.  
  
"Umm... well, I found more sites like that one," Duo admitted with something akin to embarrassment.  
  
"There's MORE?" Wufei squeaked.  
  
"And the rest of us?" Quatre had been trying to hide his grin, only it came out now. He enjoyed the impact the conversation was having on the rest of them almost as much as Duo did.  
  
"Trowa is the dark and mysterious one so he pretty much has no personality at all," Duo stated amidst laughs and snorts of indignation. Trowa may have been quiet, but he managed to have quite a load of personality as they all knew. He had ended up being the more stable force in their group, something in him driving him to find normalcy, learning to cook, clean, and to set up rituals, he'd silently knit their group into a family just by his actions around them. Duo had taken to calling him Mother Hen by the end of the first post-wartime year. It was a well accepted fact that Trowa had taken the war's ending far better than any of the rest of them. He'd slipped into something that was almost a spiritual awakening for a few months and had emerged still silent, but with a great serenity that spilled over into his comrades whenever they were near.  
  
"And Wufei hates women," a laugh at that, because it was somewhat true, "except for Sally Po. Cause she's the one he is usually paired up with. Quatre, they pair you up with Trowa."  
  
"You said that already," Wufei groaned. He had a jealous streak a mile wide. "Don't give him any ideas."  
  
"Oh you know Quatre's straighter'n an arrow, Wuffie!" Duo laughed as Trowa bent his fingers into the black hair of his lover and smiled his almost imperceptible way.  
  
"Heero is a cold, calculating bastard," Duo grinned, "who always needs to be taught how to live his life because he hadn't had one before. And he always says 'Hn' and he has this thing called a death glare, yeah.. just like that, Hee-chan. I expect that's what they mean."  
  
"Hee-chan?" voices echoed around the room.  
  
"Err," Heero shifted his gaze around the gathering, "the Duo in the stories calls me, or the Heero in the stories, that."  
  
"Oh." Quatre's grin had begun to grow even more so.  
  
"I like it, Heeeeee-chan," Duo battted his eyes and folded his long legs over one another, gripping his bare feet with his hands.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"I started laughing really hard when I read that, because he makes that sound all the time!" Duo cackled.  
  
Laughter brushed the room and Heero managed to blush. "So?" Quatre prompted again. "Oh c'mon, Duo, don't make me drag it out of you!"  
  
"Okay! Okay!" Duo gave in, "Okay, so - Heero's the guy with all the passion lurking under this cold exterior - which, if it's true, I've yet to see because my roomie's one of the most self possessed men I've ever known -" and he leaned over and poked Heero's foot which was on the table in front of him, "And I'm the joker and the clown and I always have to teach him, because I'm this wise guru of living, you know - kinda like Trowa is, only more loud."  
  
Quatre stared at him.  
  
"Oh.. yeah.. and," Duo gulped with a flush, "Heero and I are like the favorite pairing."  
  
Eyes blinked and then with a breath, the other three burst into laughter.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah.." Duo grumped, staring at them. "Get your laughs out. Hey! If I were gay I'd rock Heero's world! You know it!"  
  
"Duo.." Heero's voice warned. His friend could be foolish sometimes and he opened his mouth more often than not to put his foot in it.  
  
"Ohp!" Duo's eyes opened wide in shock and then a particular red flush rose up and around his ears. At the sight the other three fell back and laughed all the harder. 


	3. Unaswered Questions

(Okay, I know these are all short. I'm trying to make them all one shots, though they will happen in a sequence. Mainly because I don't want to start a story and not finish it. Mainly because I really hate nothing more than an unfinished story when I know it should have been completed long ago. So kick me if it gets annoying. I'll graduate to longer fiction when I finally have the courage. Until then, AU, and yaoi tendancies. I don't own the boiz and they are new to me. Please feel free to give constructive criticism or email. I think I might even like it.)  
  
- - - - - -  
  
"Dammit.. I can't seem to get this to upload!" the sigh of exasperation pulls into the room and Duo leans back, rather close to losing his temper and simply throwing the entire machine out of the window. Of course, he'd have to be careful and look out and down to be sure he's not breaking anyone's head with it. Just.. just...  
  
"GRAAAAHHH!!!"  
  
"Here.." a warm body bumps next to him and almost shoves him off of his chair. He looks in surprise at Heero and scoots just enough, peeking at the screen as he does so. One thing could be said for Heero. He was unflappble for the most part, but he had his moments where you could tell you were just under his skin and those were times when Duo scored a point for himself In all the years he'd known Heero Yuy, he'd not scored more than seventeen points.  
  
This made it eighteen. Noice. Boo yeah... all that.  
  
He grins and leans against Heero. "Oh Hee-chan, you are so good to me.." purring it into his friend's ear and laughing as the dark haired boy grunts and shoves himself further onto the chair, pushing Duo almost completely off. It's fight to stay on, or stand up.  
  
Duo of course, fights. He reaches around and grabs Heero's shoulders and hangs on for dear life, on what can't be more than five inches of chair. "Wow.. you know, you type fast?" he quips as he stares at the screen and the letters appearing like magic there.  
  
"hmm.."  
  
"I mean, I guess I've always known you typed fast. I wouldn't have tried to bribe you last month to type up my Engilsh 205 paper if I didn't know you could type like a banshee, but watching you, and you're so accurate. Do you ever use the back space? Hey.. what're you doing there? That's the thing, right there, yep.." and Duo reaches before, tapping the screen to show exactly what it was.  
  
Heero pauses. "HXD? What kind of name is that?" and that small frown line that shows when he's confused, draws itself over his brow.  
  
"Umm... just a paper I wrote. Look, it's a fiction. Don't read it okay? I mean, it's stupid and stuff. Just put it up, okay?" Duo is blushing and he points haphazardly but landing on a particular portion of the screen a little too unerringly. "Here, that's looking right. I think it has to upload there."  
  
"Yes. Do you want to make any comments?" Heero pauses at a comment box.  
  
"Oh sure, here, let me.." Duo has to shift in his seat and all but hang over Heero's lap as he types in "HXD Dorm Room Trouble" and then hits enter. "There, that should do it." He smiles. "Now, will it upload?"  
  
He's very aware of the heat rising up off of Heero's legs and he blushes. It really is just for fun. It's not like he's interested in any way. It's just that he's not an idiot and the other writers were right. Sexy is a good name for a man that nice looking and with that much attitude. A body can't help but want to be the first to break through that shell. It would make you more important than anyone else on the planet.  
  
Of course, Heero's walls had been broken through, many a time. Quat and he had maintained a very close friendship and Duo and he had kept fairly close as well. Close enough to be sharing the same dorm room at the same college for the same year. And with plans of keeping the set up much the same the year after. Heero had nightmares and he didn't want anyone else to have to put up with them. And he didn't want to spend too much money on housing. So until they were able to move out of the dorms, they were stuck together. Or rather, Heero had asked and Duo could never really say no to a guy who'd maybe asked for five things his entire life and only three from Duo.  
  
He could show emotion, he had emotion which was a surprise when they'd discovered it. He just rarely lost control over his emotions. Whereas Duo was constantly on the alert for the next emotional wave. Duo, who wouldn't have recognized himself if he had too much control over his inner self. It was an ego thing. And right now, he was using that power of lack of control, to fixate on something that he wasn't very sure he wanted to come clean on yet. It had been three months since he'd opened up that website and slowly but inexorably become hooked on stories of his friends and himself... in compromising situations.  
  
Silly, really. And he hadn't done much with the other guys. Even sillier that most of his stories were about himself and Heero. Which could have been a great portion of the reason eh didn't want to come clean. Heero wouldn't kill him or hurt him or anything. It was just the possibility that Heero would take it seriously. I mean, the guy in the fictions was nothing like the real Heero. He was cold, a bastard, and completely unreachable. The real Heero was far from that. But just as unreachable. Which made him just as sexy, just in a more complex and more unfocused, diluted way. There wasn't the same raw power you got from writing moments. It was more a matter of day to day moments that made up the real Heero and most of them would never make it on paper.  
  
Besides, he was careful not to put in much of the real Heero, his ability to talk nonstop about Terry Pratchett books (an oddity that Quat had introduced him to and somehow had met with his standards for quirky, innocent humor), his inability to bake any cake or cookie without slightly burning it because he was afraid of it being too doughy, his favorite color, his dreams, the way his voice would go high in a muffled shriek if Duo managed to get to that tickle spot that he hid from everyone. Duo didn't want to share those sorts of things with the world. So he kept to the things that the world knew and the world guessed at. The Heero in his fiction was no more real than the Duo was.  
  
He'd tried to decide on what it was that made it so fascinating to him. It wasn't the fact that it was Heero or himself that were there. Because it wasn't them. He'd thought maybe he was a closeted gay man. But that wasn't it either because he had a healthy passion for women. And he hadn't ever had any feelings for a guy. So if not that, then what? Was he that desperate to get off? Because he did.. get off that is.. plenty when reading the stuff. But then, that was personal too and somewhat confusing and also a tad embarrassing. He wasn't altogether sure he wanted anyone to know that.  
  
He finally came to the conclusion that maybe it was the sub-stories there. That they were presented in a completely different light. That men could be almost like women in some ways. That they could have these emotional lives that he'd not really ever seen a reason to delve into. And they didn't become all femme or anything. They were still very masculine despite the tears and the screaming and the rather angsty moments of love making.  
  
He hadn't ever made love to a woman and felt like that. And he hated to think it, but he couldn't help but wonder if gay men really did have love lives that were that passionate. Of course they didn't. Because, well, it was a story. It wasn't real. But even in a small way? What would it be like to make love to someone who could turn you over and knock you out with one punch to the face? But didn't? Restrained their power for you? Women weren't like that. Men.. men were.  
  
So maybe he was curious. Checking out the closet as it were. But it didn't mean anything other than he had to consider his choices in women now, that maybe he was picking doe like gals, without a bone in their bodies to stand up to him.  
  
And while he did that, he kept on writing.  
  
He taps his fingers on Heero's knee and wonders aloud, "So, do you think we should take the Biology 101 at the same time next quarter?"  
  
"No." Heero wasn't up for taking classes with him and Duo was determined to find out. It was driving him nuts to know that Heero would go out of his way to not be in the same class with him. What was Heero hiding anyway? Still Heero blinks down at him when Duo lifts his gaze and looks back at his friend.  
  
"Why not?" Duo asks.  
  
"Because, there's no need. Whatever you take, I can read your notes. I refuse to pay for two classes of the same sort. You are welcome to read my notes as well, Duo." Heero's calm logic was infuriating.  
  
"Ah c'mon Heero, you know this is nuts. I just want to have a reason to study and bum answers off of you now and again." Duo smirks. It was an old argument and he knew exactly how it would end. "You know, I'm gonna have to sneak into a class at the last minute and force you to stay. Cause you know you'd never quit. Not after you'd begun. Not even to avoid meeee." He teases his friend and beams.  
  
"Hn. I'm not avoiding you, Duo. How could I do that? I live with you."  
  
"Oh Hee-chan! You do!" Duo rolls his head and all but lays full in Heero's lap. "See? I knew you cared. That's such a typical answer."  
  
"It's the same answer I give you every time," Heero smirks and in response, Duo's laughter rings out. It was okay. They always came out this way.  
  
"Okay Hee-chan. Oh! Hey! My download! Thanks buddy. I appreciate it." And Duo straightens, giving Heero a small shove. "Off!" At which, Heero stands obediently, returning to his homework.  
  
Later, that evening, lights out, down low, a soft click in the dark and the room is flooded with a cool blue light. It bathes over the sculpted chest of a young man who brushes his bangs out of his face and casually pulls up an old site he's been keeping an eye on. His mouth turning up into an amused smile, he goes to read the newest addition to the archive.  
  
- Owari -  
  
: ) Thanks for the kind comments so far. They're really appreciated! 


	4. Oranges and Lemons

((Okay, okay, number 4! The theme continues. No pairings! Yaoi tendencies or talk, rated PG13 for that and all. And of course, I don't own the boiz, but that was obvious from the start.  
  
Hee. And they're getting longer! Dunno if it's because I'm writing them in the day time, or because I'm getting more comfortable with the writing process. We shall see! ))  
  
- - - -  
  
Oranges and Lemons  
  
"Okay, so Duo," Quat looks over the living room to where Duo is sprawled out upon the floor, a pillow tucked up under his chin and his braid wandering snakelike across his back and the floor, "answer me a question. Did you read any lemons?"  
  
"Nannniii?" Duo's attention instantly taken from the television screen, turns and stares at the small, innocent (it's all a lie!) Arabian pilot. "What do you mean?"  
  
The attention of the rest of the room slowly comes into focus around the two, Heero's impassive, bored face watches from a couch while Trowa and Wufei, curled like one body in a love seat, grin.  
  
"You know, sex fics." Quatre grins at the blush on the long haired pilot's face. "I mean, you're still reading the stuff, right?"  
  
"Ah... heh.. well, yes.. Umm..I am." Duo quickly strikes a glance across the room. Safe enough. He grins. "Hey! Guys, want some popcorn!" and popping up as if he's got a fire under his heels, dissipates, leaving nothing behind but a few stray hairs that managed to be shed on the pillow, languishing all silver and entwined about one another.  
  
Trowa chuckles and Wufei frowns in confusion. "Well, that was rude."  
  
"You know Duo," Quat shrugs and waits, much like a cat at the edge of a mousehole, "He runs, hides.. the drill," waving off the rest of the comment. They've all heard it plenty of times in their lives by now.  
  
"He'll be back," Heero predicts. "He can't stay away forever and he knows that you, Quat, won't let go."  
  
Quatre chuckles. "If I were nice, I'd go into the kitchen and talk to him in privacy." The unheard, 'but I won't', is plain to all. Quatre was as sweet as they came, but he had a rather evil streak which hadn't come out until after the war and was now rivaling the mischievous nature of Duo in the area of making the others butt of a few good natured jokes.  
  
"So he's still reading about us?" Trowa's quiet voice caresses Wufei on it's way out into the room.  
  
"Aa," Heero nods and his own smile, as rare as it is, extends into a full one. There had been a time that smirks were the same as a laugh in his nonverbal vocabulary. It was good to see him smiling finally. And it had taken them only a few months after the war was over to see their first one. Something like relief had flooded the entire group, for of them all, they'd concerned themselves with Heero the most, being as he'd had the most destructive, focused nature of them all. Duty bound, they'd wondered how he'd handle the real world.  
  
With the help of his friends, he seemed to be doing just fine.  
  
Quatre laughs. "Obviously. I don't know, really. But I think he's hooked. You know our Duo. He has to work something out of his system before he can truly be done with it."  
  
Heero chuckles and looks over at Trowa who nods his slow, small smile.  
  
"Anyway, I'm just wondering." And maybe trying to get Duo back a bit, they realize.  
  
"Wondering?" Duo returns with his arms full of bowls and popcorn and paper towels. "Ahhh... nothing like popcorn. Okay, someone start the movie back up," staring at the blank screen and blindly finding himself a towel and a bowl, filling it from the larger one. He settles upon his stomach and tries to ignore the air of expectancy. "And hope no one minds, I put extra butter on it." He grins, but refuses to look around.  
  
Stillness meets his words and he twitches somewhat, popping some of the corn in his mouth, his foot jiggling where it rests on the floor. He props himself up on his elbows and keeps his eyes expectantly on the television. Of course no one is fooled.  
  
A snicker and Duo can hear something moving, then a caressing hand on his braid followed by a soft tug. The smell of spice and orange wafts around him in a cloud and the light weight of Quatre's thigh rests on his back while the smaller man settles down cross legged next to Duo's side. "Duooo.." a soft pleading note.  
  
Duo sighs, rolls over onto his back and stares at his blonde friend, a blonde friend who happens to have a good hold on the end of his long braid. "What?" his voice soft.  
  
"Do they ever pair you and me up?" comes the question.  
  
"QUAT!" Duo cries, ashamed. "Even if they did, I'd never read them! That would be.. be... "  
  
Quatre's laughter meets his words and Trowa rumbles right after, "How about me?"  
  
Duo groans. "You guys aren't going to give this up, are you? I mean, if you were that interested, you could read the site!"  
  
Quatre's eyes light up. "Ohhh! That's a good idea! Heero, where's your laptop?" and he looks back at the dark haired man who lounges comfortably, enjoying this scene before him.  
  
"In my pack," Heero responds. Oddly enough, though he'd done quite a bit of work while piloting, his laptop had actually become an extension of himself since ending the war. He was running a computer security consulting firm and he often needed to do jobs or trouble shoot at the spur of the moment. Therefore the wireless board kept close by his side at all times.  
  
"Okay!" Quat runs from the room to the foyer where they know Heero would have left the pack, leaning against the wall, just behind the coat rack. Heero was nothing if not predictable.  
  
Duo groans and then glowers at Heero. "You are a traitor friend, Hee-chan."  
  
Heero's grin flares at him, but before 01 can answer, Quatre returns with the notebook in tow and settles onto the ground, crossing his legs once more, the computer balanced on his knees and his back against the couch upon which Heero is sitting. "Okay, so what do I do?" he asks and then follows the murmured protocol that Heero leads him through to get the computer on and then connected to the internet. Duo decides to hum lazy eighties songs while they're doing this and Trowa and Wufei just watch, waiting, quiet as always, with that gentle wordless conversation flowing through them. Duo had joked that they lived on a reality about sixty degrees off of the others, so that they must be the ultimate chatterboxes, it's just that one can never hear it, being on another plane and all.  
  
"Here, this is the one he's on the most," Heero points.  
  
"What? HEEEEE-CHAAAANNN!!!!" Duo cries and turning off of his stomach, crawls on his hands and knees to where Quatre is. It is indeed the site he's at most often, and also the one that he (and hopefully Heero doesn't know this - Duo remotely uploaded his works onto another server so there wasn't the distinct tie there that could hint to Heero his doings) put his own work on.  
  
"Oh.. oh wow.." Quat breathes. "Okay Duo, so what is good?"  
  
Duo groans. "What are you looking for?" he asks tentatively.  
  
"Oh, some of you and Heero.." Wufei quips from the loveseat. "Of course."  
  
"Yep! Of course!" Quatre gleams.  
  
"Ah... umm.. okay.." Duo searches in his mind and then with a sigh murmurs, "Howard's Boi is pretty good. He's the best writer as well as being the most... err..."  
  
"Hot?" Heero asks with a chuckle.  
  
Duo squeaks and hides his face. "Dammit you guys, this is so unfair!" moaning into his hands.  
  
Quatre reaches out in pity and pats Duo's shoulder, but doesn't turn from the fic site. "S'okay Duo, we just want to know about this new hobby of yours. Who knows? We might want to get in on it too.."  
  
"Yeah, right," Duo grouses and with a final glare at Heero, sits next to Quartre and figures if nothing else, mabye he can scare them off of the fictions with one of his favorites, a particularly sweet and intense scene. A one-shot that would could easily be read by anyone else who was so inclined in a matter of five minutes or so. "Okay, go to Howard's Boi. He.. or she.. is the writer. Most of them are girls I find."  
  
"Wonder why," Quatre giggles.  
  
"And there, go to Cabin Fever. That's a good one." Duo nods and with a mischievous grin settles back and crosses his arms.  
  
"Okay," Quatre opens it and looks at it a moment. "Okay, you all ready?"  
  
"You're going to read it ALOUD?" Duo stares at his friend.  
  
"Yeah, do that," Heero sounds amused.  
  
"We're ready," Trowa answers for the pair of them.  
  
"PWP?" Quatre wonders aloud. "What is that? Oh, wait... here, it says 'plot, what plot'? I'm guessing that means we're getting something really steamy." Chuckles meet this comment and the others lean forward.  
  
"Hmm.. alright, here goes," Quatre ignores Duo's grunts and whines of protest and launches into the fiction on the page. "'Hiro was tired of waiting for his dream lover to acknowledge his presence. He was tired of waiting for things to fall into place. And while he wasn't sure what to do to let his best friend know how badly he wanted him, how badly he needed him, he was certainly ready to give it a shot. This of course, meant making Duo, a personal mission. And what a sweet mission it was going to be...'"  
  
Duo sits in silence during the fiction, his head buried in his arms and laughter burbling upwards, hysterical laughter, actually, but captured at his nose. He wasn't about to show them how much they were affecting him. He wasn't sure he wanted to let them know that, because there'd be all the more to pull this on him again. He didn't mind them knowing all about his other passions when they'd come up. His sudden desire to learn all things sushi, for example, had made Trowa ignore him for three whole days after Duo refused to shut up about the concept of salmon roe and what was in it and how it was good for you and how it tasted best and with what sauce. Just, this wasn't exactly the type of passion he'd ever thought to share with any of them. He tilts his head to one side and opens an eye over the protective cover of his arm, eyeing Heero who is leaning over Quatre's shoulder and reading along, his expression clearly bemused. And, well, pink.  
  
Now that was a nice color on him. Pink. It had infused Heero's cheeks and made his normally golden color richer, more alive. Like a living peach, just waiting to be supped on... Duo finds his mind making up lines to a new story and with a shudder, turns his head back into his arms to escape the visual stimuli. He didn't mind writing about the fake Heero. But he certainly was not about to let the REAL Heero get into his fiction. That would start to cross lines he wasn't sure he ever wanted to cross.  
  
The story drones on and a few more minutes into it, Duo tilts his head the other way, meeting Trowa's eyes. Wufei in his lover's lap, is whispering something and Trowa's smile has grown. With a languid certainty, Trowa winks in reassurance and something that is decidedly sensual (given the fact that pure sensuality was being read aloud in the room right now - Duo suddenly wonders if this was what kids did in highschool. They were certainly too old to be doing this now!) at Duo before turning his attention to Wufei. The look, while that is all it is, is almost too private and Duo has to cover his eyes again, stare at the floor.  
  
It was a Get Together fiction, and one of the sweeter kinds, where Hiro and his buddy Duo were working in an office together. Working for some policing company called the Preventers that apparently Relena had put together or something. Duo hadn't gotten that down completely yet. It had a lot of the enemy that they'd fought against in the war in it and Duo had always gotten a kick out of thinking of Heero and Une working together. They'd have torn one another apart in less than twenty four hours.  
  
Anyway, the fiction established the friendship rather quickly but with enough grace that one felt they were coming in at the end of a very long, very sweet story about two friends who have always been there for one another. And in it, Hiro has dragged his friend up into the mountains to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, to quote - have really hawt steamy 53x0rs with him - unquote. The quoted passage was his own, because he'd made a reply to it as he did to every one of Howard's Boi's fictions. Unlike the others, these had something in them that just left Duo writhing in his seat. And not just him, there were almost more reviews on Howard's Boi's fictions than any others, despite the fact that he/she had only begun writing on the archive six months ago. Duo even had the posterity given him of Howard's Boi answering his praise with thanks more than once. That felt good, to know that he'd said something and someone else had not only heard it, but acknowledged it. Because to Duo, acknowledgment was what it was all about. He lived his life with intention of being validated for the most part.  
  
And unlike other fictions of it's kind, this one doesn't end as soon as the orgasm was hit. Or rather, it allowed for more than just the foreplay. That was nice too, because Duo found a part of himself wondering just what it was like, being with a guy. Not that Howard's Boi would know, more than likely being a girl, but it was interesting all the same and Duo didn't mind taking his/her concept of it, considering he'd never be finding out the truth for himself. Not that he was averse to homosexuality. He just wasn't into having relationships for the sake of the sex. And since his friends all but filled every need he had (well, not counting the sex) then he really didn't see himself getting into a relationship any time soon. And most likely, when it came, it would be a woman. Because he couldn't think of a single guy who had ever hit on him, so chances of that happening were about zilch.  
  
Still, thinking things like that was just depressing, really. And Duo is lost deep into thoughts exactly like that one when Wufei sighs a complete and somewhat tense sigh.  
  
"Tro.." his voice throaty, they all lift heads to stare at the pair. Something positively - electric - sizzles out from the lovers and Trowa's answering smile has promises in it that make the three spectators blush. "I think we should go try some of those things out.. excuse us.." Wufei calmly adresses them politely. Or as polite as you can be after casually propositioning one's boyfriend in front of three of one's best (and straight) friends.  
  
"Umm.. no prob, Wufei," Duo gawks as the two men stand and as gracefully as lions, stalk out of the room. He takes a breath, then turns and stares at Quatre. "Wow." Something about watching the pair of them, made him.. hungry. It was a testament to something that wouldn't die, couldn't die. Wufei and Trowa had been together for almost eight years now and there were moments, few and far between, when a glimpse into their world left Duo feeling very much as if he were missing something important in his life.  
  
"Okay!" Duo pops up, grabbing for the computer and closing it with a comfortable snap. "There, you satisfied? See? That's how it is. Kinda gross and really sappy and just sorta stupid so we don't need to talk about it anymore and you can give me a break on how y-"  
  
"You got any more?" Quatre's eyes burn into his and Duo gasps.  
  
"You can't be serious!"  
  
"Heero?" Quat leans back and looks up at the placid pilot with the slight smile hinting behind his lips.  
  
"Sounds good to me," Heero nods. "I don't mind getting into some of Duo's passions.."  
  
Duo stares at them both. "This is so not funny, you guys," he snarls.  
  
"Who says we're being funny?" Quat asks in that innocent way that leaves you wondering just how much farther he's going to push this prank. "Any with you and me in it?"  
  
"What is the deal with you and me, Quat?" Duo cries in exasperation.  
  
"Just seems to me that if you were gay and I were gay, I'd be into you." Quat is nonplussed and Duo gags.  
  
"Oh man, Quat. That's like... incest or something!"  
  
Quatre giggles. "So it is.. any of those?"  
  
"HEE-CHANNNN! Please shut him up! Stop him! Pleeeeaaassse!???" Duo whines.  
  
And with a laugh, Quatre pats his arm. "Okay, enough for now. I'll try and find them myself."  
  
"Grah! That's just.. augh!" Duo pulls back and looks at his friend in alarm. "You have on idea how wrong that is. You shouldn't be reading stuff like this, ever!"  
  
Quatre rolls his eyes. "Twenty three and he still thinks I'm an innocent, Heero." Heero's snorted laughter answers. "You think I should start to write them and show him how innocent I really am?"  
  
Duo stares. "You are serious."  
  
"Of course I am!" Quat laughs. "I like this new passion of yours."  
  
Duo moans in horror and stands with the computer under his arm. "I don't wanna know. Don't tell me if you do. Because I don't wanna know." And with that, he all but runs from the room, under the pretense of putting the computer away.  
  
Heero chuckles after the braid has disappeared around the corner. "You know, that was a tad unfair."  
  
"Oh Hee-chan," Quatre intones and grins at the laugh that hides behind Heero's eyes. "It doesn't hurt him. So don't go all protective on me."  
  
Heero chuckles. "I'm not sure, Quatre. I think Duo can defend himself just fine. You might just be starting something, here."  
  
Quatre grins. "Oh yes.. I'm sure this will be a merry little war." And he laughs in delight.  
  
- Owari -  
  
- - - - -  
  
Lil' Princess: Welp! I did it as quickly as I knew how! Hee hee. I'm still on vacation so hopefully they'll keep up. Any ideas, just shoot them at me, kay? 


	5. The Review Process

((Hey all! Another One-Shot that isn't really a One-shot. If I were being honest, which I'm not because I want to call them one shots! So there! Number Five this time.  
  
Don't own the boiz, blah blah blah... umm.. yaoi tendencies, blah blah blah... and... err.. did I get it all? Yes! Okay! Enjoy! Oh.. yeah, criticism, go for it and all. And thanks those who are reading! g Hope they keep being fun to read and if they're not, then kick me back on track. I'm still pretty darn new to this.))

* * *

The Review Process  
  
SxyKtn 01:45 EMT 9/7 Review for Babes Taking Steps  
  


Hey How's Boi! Damn but that's some nice shit! I really like how you let Hiro have some issues with the shit he had to go through when he was sitting the goof, Duo. Nothing more annoying than that kinda acting up that the kid does. Sure makes Hiro out to be a nice guy, even when he's acting like a priggish ass.  


  
Howard's Boi 05:32 EMT 9/7 Review Reply Column Babes Taking Steps  
  


Thank you, SxyKtn. I appreciate any constructive criticism I get even if it is merely recognizing the effort I put into making the boys seem real.  


  
SxyKtn 02:47 EMT 9/8 Review for Gotta Take it All  
  


Shit! Can't sleep til I finish! And I did!!!! Baby, you are good, girl! Or boi. WHateva, Never thought to see them living in school liek that. This AU stuff is awesome and you are the Goddess! Err, god, whatever! Man, can't vne type naymore. Bed. Love it! MORE readying t'morro!  


  
Howard's Boi 05:41 EMT 9/8 Review Reply Column Gotta Take it All  
  


SxyKtn, It took me a few minutes to decipher your message, but I think I can safely say thank you very much. And that it kept you up is a great compliment. I'll have to read some of your things. I see you've just joined us in writing about the Gundam boys. I'm sure you'll make a great addition to our community. Welcome!  


  
SxyKtn 01:26 EMT 9/9 Review for Gotta Take it All  
  


Not sure how to do this. Glad you could pull the decoder ring. Not gonna tell me if ur a boi or gurl? S'okay. I'll still read your shit! I'm a boi though. And yeah, read my stuff! Cut it up and make it into newspaper bedding for your pet mice! Just tell me what you think! Off to read the next one. I have a lot to catch up on. Do these things tell you when you get a response? Cause yur all over mine even tho these stories are like, four months old!  


  
SxyKtn 03:03 EMT 9/9 EMT Review for The Heat Factor  
  


Holy shitting damn. Can I marry you? Just finished with this one. It's so hawt! Roxors my soxors, u know? PWP is kind of one thing I wasn't reading because it was storyless. But you make Hiro's point real clear. I love how he loses control. Not like the real one could ever do that. But I'll bet lots of us wish he would!!!  


  
Howard's Boi 06:38 EMT 9/10 Reply Column for The Heat Factor  
  


SxyKtn: We do get an email response. If you set it up. Go to FAQ here. http:fictionGWboiz.uenet/FAQ/response.htm and that will tell you how to do it. And thank you, again. I seem to be thanking you very often. I'm afraid I'm taken with someone at the moment. But I'm really glad you found an exception to the rule and that exception is me. [winks] I think PWPs are fun and best with some back history on the emotional attachment. BTW, what do you mean he wouldn't lost control of his emotions? Maybe he just doesn't know that there are so many hungry hearts for his taking? Or maybe he does it but it's not in public. I know it seems I'm taken with Hiro, but I have a soft spot for Duo. Maybe I just write them from Hiro's POV because deep down I want it to be me who is getting my dream man. I'll have to talk to my shrink about that. [hee hee]  


  
SxyKtn 02:46 EMT 9/14 Review for Coming Home Again Chapter Review, chap. 23  
  


Sorry it's been so long. Been busy as hell around here. My roomie's got finals and he's been taking up the computer line all the time. I've been netless for daaaaiiis [sobbing] So anyway. I'm only half done with this one and I want to know how in hell you ended up with this much stick to it'vness! I could never do that. I see you tried out Duo in here. Pas Mal, m'ami(e). It's nice, ja? I would stay up and finish it, but my roomie's gonna be up soon and I don't dare sniff around on here while he's looking over my shoulder. He'd end up thinking I was gay or something. BTW - I LOVE LOVE LOVE (kiss kiss smooch) how you say that thing about Duo's emotions being a way of living and coping. Most people just say it's a mask, y'know? Neat view of him!  


  
Howard's Boi 05:34 EMT 9/14 Reply Column for Coming Home Again  
  


SxyKtn: It's okay. Nice thing about the fictions here is that they're never going to leave. I'm so glad you're enjoying my writings. I enjoy writing them actually. It's amusing to try on different faces for them all. Maybe I'll have to write a fiction about them changing places (in a way that seems realistic, of course) so that Duo acts cold and anal and Hiro acts liberated.  


  
SxyKtn 21:11 EMT 9/16 Review for Coming Home Again Chapter Review, chap. 65  
  


I can't believe I got on so early! I have the entire night to read your stuff and groan cause I don't got no Hiro to make me better! This one was sweet. I liked how you took at look at Duo. Dunno if I'd see it the same, but he's sure cute and kinda idealistic. You really think he's that good inside? I see him as more conflicted. Cause he's got all that shit that went down when he was a kid. So that he's going to want Hiro but maybe because he needs Hiro to counterbalance all the dark stuff inside. Hiro's plenty dark, but it's all outside and his insides are clearer'n snot, know what I mean? I love this one. Just thinking out loud. So don't think I'm saying I don't like it cause I really do! I want more. A sequel maybe? I know it's been like three months since you finished it. And maybe you've got other stuff going on. Shit, I'm saying "stuff "a lot. I noticed that in my writing too. On to the next fic!  


  
SxyKtn 22:21 EMT 9/16 Review for Tin Heart  
  


Hey! I've never read this fairy tale. But I'll bet it's awesome! I'm going to have to go out and read it. It's Tin Soldier, right? Sad, sad fic! I'm bawling still! Hope the next one is happier!  


  
SxyKtn 00:48 EMT 9/17 Review for Broken Wings  
  


Fuck you, Howie! I was crying before! What's up with the sad fics? Damn but this one is the best ever! Not sure I'm into deathfics. And I can't believe you killed off Quat! You gotta kill off Duo or something. Not the golden boi! He's too good to die. Everyone knows that. Besides that? You think Relena would be that annoying to know? She always seems kinda nice on t.v.  


  
SxyKtn 03:02 EMT 9/17 Review for Death on the Lake  
  


I hate you. I hate you forevernevernevernevernever! I'll never read your death fics again and I take it back. Kill Quatre! Just don't kill Hiro! You're mean and I hate you! Did I tell you I hate you? Cause I do! How dare you do that? I'm scarred, emotionally, for life! I'll never walk again. I'm gonna crawl to class and crawl to work and crawl to dinner and my roomie is gonna think I'm nuts. Because I am! I have to be to read this shit! You're awful! Terrible! I hate you! Hate hate hate hate!  


  


BTW: More please? As much as I couldn't read to the end, I couldn't stop either! Just no more Hiro. Seriously now. If there's more Hiro death fics, let me know. I can't take those.  


  
Howard's Boi 05:12 EMT 9/17 Reply Column for Coming Home Again  
  


SxyKtn: You have a point. But as I've said before, I have a soft spot for Duo and I think as a lover of Duo, I would have to bypass those dark sides and see him as all light and life and loveliness. If Duo does have a dark side (and I'm quite certain he must IRL - he'd not be human otherwise. Though I must admit that sometimes he seems more angelic when I see him on television, than human) then I'm not sure I would even recognize it. It would merely be more of the shadow from his lightness. A counterpoint, so to speak. But then, that's from a true fan of Duo Maxwell. That's why I have the name, "Howard's Boi."  


  
Howard's Boi 05:23 EMT 9/17 Reply Column for Tin Heart  
  


SxyKtn - Yes, that's the name of the fiction. It's easily found in a story collection of Grimm's Fairy Tales or online. There is an online text to be found here, http:www.fairytales.Grimm.uecom/tales.htm.  


  
Howard's Boi 05:29 EMT 9/17 Reply Column for Broken Wings  
  


SxyKtn - Forgive me for what I've done to the sweetest blonde pilot on earth. I'll bet he's still alive and well IRL though. I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite my faux pas. I hope you don't feel too upset with having read the other (as my email has told me you have). I'm afraid it is much more sad than this one. I'll go read your reply and see if you have forgiven me.  


  
SxyKtn 01:06 EMT 9/21 Review for Death on the Lake  
  


I'm sorry! It's been so many days and you haven't responded. I'm scared to respond to any more. I was only joking about the I hate you part! Please forgive me! I really love you! you know I do!  


  
SxyKtn 02:42 EMT 9/29 Review for Underhill, Overhill  
  


Okay, so I promised never to reply again. I'm sorry. Just thought I'd say nice going. Liked this one. And I'm gonna keep reading your stuff, even though you hate me now.  


  
SxyKtn 01:32 EMT 10/02 Review for Gold of Duo's Eyes  
  


Sweet song fic! I like the use of that old Sting song. I'm a sucker for his stuff, even though it's so old that no one remembers who he is. If you weren't avoiding me right now, I'd turn bi-sexual just to let you know that I'm available, no matter if you're a girl or a guy.  


  
Howard's Boi 05:43 EMT 10/12 Reply Column for Death on the Lake  
  


I'm very sorry I haven't been around and that it has led to such a misunderstanding. I truly did not mean for this to happen. Something personal came up and I wasn't online for a good while. I've had to do some reevaluating of what I want to do with my life and I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. But I do know that I'll keep writing fiction the way I always have.  
  
IdesMar: Thank you and keep up the good writing yourself!  
Yulio: It was fun and I appreciate your thoughts.  


SxyKtn: I don't hate you! I don't think I could ever hate you. You have a light that reminds me in so many ways of the Duo I envision in my mind. I truly would let you know if something were bothering me that much. I may not be as open as you are, but I do come up with those things that are important and may become detrimental to our working relationship. As for more Hiro dying stories. No, that was it. I had to get it out of my system. I think I might have been trying to get Hiro out of the way so that I could get Duo alone and all for myself. You know how much I "crush" on the braided baka. I'm glad in a strange sort of way that I was able to affect you so much. Also, I've been reading your things and just haven't replied to them. I think you're definitely improving and I promise to start replying to your things as well. Thank you for your continuing to review me, even when you thought I hated you. I'll read those in a few days when I get some time. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to do with my personal life.  


  
Howard's Boi 06:24 EMT 10/12 Review for Hiro's Name  
  


I don't know if you still check my replies but if you do, I left a message for you on my responding column for Death on the Lake. It was a misunderstanding and please come back. I really liked this one. It's sweet and cute and I can see you reaching very steadily toward more heavily based topics. I want to challenge you to do something that is very close to your heart and see what happens. So far you've been playing it safe which is fine. But I think you can do a lot better.  


  
SxyKtn 14:35 EMT 10/12 Reply Column for Hiro's Name  
  


I should be in class right now but I got an email from the fic site saying that you had responded! I've read your reply and yeah, I can't believe it. I got twisted up about fictions and someone I really don't know. This internet business is really screwy. That doesn't explain away the fact that I really love your replies to my replies so don't stop, k? Please? With a cherry on top? I'll even be the cherry! I mean it. I'm sooo bi now. Or at least where you're concerned. Also, thank you. I have been scared to go any deeper because I think I might fuck it up. I'll take the plunge for you, though. ALSO - thank you! I can think of nothing nicer than being compared to Duo who you love. And I really, really, really, really, REALLY hope that things work out for you IRL. You're an amazing and deeply emotional writer. I'd hate to see someone with a heart like you have to have to write stuff like this, get messed up by life. Just remember, people are jerks and assholes and as much as we love them, we have to keep on going no matter what. Cause there's always someone else to love us or be loved by us. M'saying that without knowing what's going on, so forgive me if I said something stupid.  


  
SxyKtn 01:05 EMT 10/13 Review for Nani?  
  


Hey Howe? Don't worry about answering all my other reviews. I was just spouting. But here I am again! I'm gonna review them all and be myself again. Thank you! Okay, so this one. It's short! Damn short. Can we have a sequel please? I hate feeling left in the dark about if they're going to go at it or not. GO for it. I'm over here shouting at Duo to jump his bones and tell him he loves him. How can you let it end with them still friends and Duo not knowing if Hiro likes him or not? I like how you did Duo this time in this one too. He's cute and sweet still, but I can see you trying to make him a bit more human. Be careful of your hero-complex. You'll have him human yet!  


  
SxyKtn 02:54 EMT 10/13 Review for Why I Don't Do Duo  
  


Okay, okay, okay. I'm getting a clue. You're working through some stuff with these fics. You keep writing in themes. Like your death theme back there (thank heavens that's over!) and all that. So here must be where that personal stuff started to come up. And I'm feeling like a dork. (And not the whale thing either) So you've got somebody you like and they don't like you? Fuck em! Not literally. I mean, come to the SxyKtn siiiiide! I love you! I'll keep you and pet you and feed you and call you George or Georgina.. or whatever you want me to call you.  


  
Howard's Boi 06:32 EMT 10/15 Review for Hiro's Name  
  


Okay, let me see if I can do this in a public forum without being too inane. 1.) It isn't hard to see how we both maybe are a bit more attached than we should be. But I feel like I know you in a way. So I don't feel badly for that. And I won't apologize for it either. I am sure we're both adults (or I assume we are) and I know that we won't go and decide this means that we've found our soul mates just by some reviews. Still, you are my favorite reviewer. 2.) bi? I must have missed something. I'm flattered though. -And I'm still not going to tell you my gender. I really don't see how that is important other than to satisfy your curiosity. And I think I like you curious. Call me cruel.- 3.) My problem is that the person I love isn't a jerk or an asshole. This person is amazing and I'm not as outwardly emotional and amazing as you seem to think I am. In fact, I'm a terrible introvert and it's very difficult for me to express myself IRL. So I'm truly in love with someone (maybe my crushing on Duo is a way to give myself an outlet? I'm not sure) who I can't seem to find a way to tell them or show them. I wish I could move on. I wish I could forget them. Unfortunately, there is no one else in the world like them and I'm love's fool, because I can't just tell them everything and take my chances. But on top of that, I don't think that this person is interested in my gender. That makes it doubly difficult you understand. So, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for your concern and while I don't think it will turn out for me like it turns out for Hiro and Duo almost all the time, I do feel better knowing someone wants me to have a happy ending.  


  
Howard's Boi 07:23 EMT 10/15 Reply Column for Underhill, Overhill  
  


I'm glad you still read my stuff, even when you thought I didn't want to hear it.  


  


Howard's Boi 07:30 EMT 10/15 Reply Column for Gold of Duo's eyes  


  


Ah, I get the bi comment now. Hee hee. Thank you. That's one very nice compliment.  


  
Howard's Boi 07:33 EMT 10/15 Reply Column for Nani?  
  


I'm responding anyway, SxyKtn. And haven't you ever read The Lady or the Tiger? I'd say go find it if you can. It's in the classics section. Also - I thought it was a Hiro-complex. Heh. Thank you. I am trying to see the human in my idol.  


  
Howard's Boi 07:42 EMT 10/15 Reply Column for Why I Don't Do Duo  
  


Whale thing? What is that? And also, thank you for loving me. Even if it's just for my stories. Hee hee. At least someone cares. You seem to have stumbled on my secret. I do write out my own personal life into these stories and try to resolve my confusion in them. I'm not sure exactly how it helps. But as I've said before, I'm painfully shy and maybe it lets me live a little. Now, I'm late for work, but I wanted to reply to everything. Thank you for being so supportive of me.  


  
SxyKtn 03:26 EMT 10/16 Review for Cabin Fever  
  


Oh. My. Stars. I'm going to find you and stoke that fire you keep hidden in that sexy mind of yours. (I don't know how sexy you are in body, but your mind is damn fine!) That or I'm going to find your Duo and have really hawt steamy 53x0rs with him or Hiro or you or somebody! - which is wrong on SO many levels I can't even begin to say why. It's official. I am permanently in love with your writing and you. Please have my babies? If you can? That is, if you're a girl. If not, umm.. just.. uh.. well. Yeah. Not really a guy - guy.. but I'll make an exception! For you, anything.  


  
SxyKtn 04:05 EMT 10/16 Reply Column for Hiro's Name  
  


I'm cutting it so close doing this, because my roomie has early classes and I'd hate for him to catch me. He knows I read this stuff and he makes fun of me all the time. Probably thinks I'm gay, but that's okay. Because he's not gonna hold it against me. So let me answer. 1.) You're my favorite reply to reviewer! [grins] And yeah, I know what you mean. I idolize you and you idolize Duo. I know there's no room for me in your heart. J/K. We're adults (really we are!) and I'm glad you said that about it being about the writing and shit. Cause that's what it is. 2.) You have read my review by now so you know what I meant by "bi" hee hee. And you ARE cruel! I'd hate you if I didn't lust after you and your characters! 3.) I could say something here. About how I think you're amazing and about how if you just let this person see this side of you, maybe even let them read your fics. Then maybe they'd be like me and go "fuck gender, I want that brain! I want that mind.. I want that heart, dude!" and all would be okay. But I'm not sure life is that easy. Fuckin' sucks for you, Howe. I'm so damn sorry. I wish I could make it better. But then, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to write you a story okay? Just for you. Look for it. Oh, and PS. Whale thing.. you know. The dork is like his.. dong thing. I can't even say it cause I'll blush. But you got the picture I'm sure. If not, then just ask some hormonal crazy guy on the street and he'll probably know. Most of us wish for one. Which is sick if you think about it. So don't. Hee hee.  


  
Howard's Boi 05:32 EMT 10/16 Reply Column for Cabin Fever  
  


[heh heh] I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was hoping that one would get your engines going. Listen to me. I am starting to sound like you. But yes, thank you. I have always enjoyed the short fiction route and really enjoyed doing something with PWP's. Even though they are often, without any real basis. This one is somewhat close to my heart. I dreamed of doing this to the person I wish I had. IRL, you know. Oh well, if wishes were fish, right?  


  
Howard's Boi 05:34 EMT 10/16 Reply Column for Hiro's Name  
  


Oh my goodness. I'm not sure if I should be complimented or not. You needn't write a fiction for me and yet I will thank you of course in advance even for the thought. It is the nicest thing anyone has ever wanted to do for me.  


  
Howard's Boi 07:23 EMT 10/23 Review for Hiro's Lacking Soul Chapter Review, chap. 13  
  


I'm not sure how you ended up putting so many chapters down, other than you must have been working hard for a long time without updating. It would explain why you haven't been reviewing. And I just want to say this. I'm almost positive this is the fiction you're writing for me and it's breaking my heart. Please don't put down any more until you have the end. It's so close to reality and I think I just went down ten pegs in the happiness meter. I have to go to work and I'm not sure I'll be able to. I might have to take a sick day just so I can cry. This is beautiful. Keep it up. And maybe I'll just wait until you're done before I read the rest.  


  
SxyKtn 01:13 EMT 10/24 Reply Column for Hiro's Lacking Soul  
  


Howe: Damn, I'm so sorry. I would stop if I didn't believe you needed to hear this. It's true. I have to wonder if you're just hiding and if there isn't so much pain in there, having to hide yourself all the time form the people who love you. And having read your fictions, I know there ARE people who love you. You're too amazing not to love. So I'm going to keep on going. And I'll let you know when I'm done. Give me a few days. We've got finals coming up.

  
SxyKtn 03:07 EMT 11/12 Review for Kittin's Reply  
  


I decided to take a break and read again. I'm getting tired writing all the time and it's not like I have all this time, but the fiction is turning out a lot longer than I'd thought. I have a lot to think about and you're right, it's all going into the shit that I'm writing. Parodn the words. It's late and I have to get to bed. And I saw this so I figured I'd read it cause I'm a cat too! Damn Howe! All I can say is I'm so sorry! it sounds like things are getting bad. I hope it's not cause of the fic I'm writing. I'm almost done, I swear. And it has a happy ending! Promise! Just hang in there. That person you love, they've just GOT to recognize your existence! I know I do.  


  
Howard's Boi 06:17 EMT 11/12 Reply Column for Kittin's Reply  
  


Hello SxyKtn. Yes, it was written because of your fic, but remember, this is my way of expressing myself. I'm going to hang in there. It sounds sappy and stupid. But I can't do anything but. I have never loved anyone before and I suppose I'm a bit more loyal than I should be. Kind of like Cyrano with his long nose and his forever love for Roxanne. [hah] And no, that doesn't mean I'm a man. I have to keep you curious, don't I? I have given up hope. But I'm sure I'll love them forever. They don't look at me as anything but a friend and besides, they have someone else now. But that someone else is also one of my best friends. So I can feel good for both of them and sad where I'm at. I'm glad that they have love. And I'm glad I have you. Even if it's in this small way.

  
SxyKtn 03:00 EMT 11/14 Review for Kittin's Reply  
  


Okay Howe, my love, my darling, my own. I don't have a love in my life. I have a lot of really good friends and people I adore. But no one who's my one and only. So you can be that person. Everyone is so fucking busy here. I've barely seen my roomie for weeks now and my other friends are all but missing. Seems like life just came in and kicked everyone in the ass. Luckily I have a Kitty Cat friend who's really sweet and always seems to have time for us. He's keeping us together. There's a bunch of us and it's cool. He's on here, but if I told you his name, I'd be giving something away. He's got some good stuff though and I've turned him onto your stuff too. He really likes it! And he's straight too! Heh. Ever thought of making a het fic? Only I'd get the gag reflex going if I saw Relena with Hiro or anyone. That's just sick and wrong. Anyway, the fic is done, babes and I love you and I hope it helps somehow, to soothe that pain you're going through. That stinks that your love has gone off. Maybe you'll end up falling in love with someone else? But from what you write, it sure seems like you're pretty intense and maybe you really ARE like Cyrano (I had to look that reference up. You're so smart! I always do learn something from you) and you'll never love anyone else again. Just so long as some of that left over love is directed to me. I'll never give up the part of my heart you own, Howe. I promise.  


  
Howard's Boi 08:45 EMT 11/14 Review for Hiro's Lacking Soul Chapter Review, chap. 47  
  


You have touched my soul. I have to get to work. And I'm not crying but I will in the shower. Only thirty some more chapters to go. You have written an entire book! This is incredible. And all for me? You truly are an amazing person, Kittin.

  
SxyKtn 01:14 EMT 11/15 Reply Column for Hiro's Lacking Soul  
  


Anything for someone as lovely as you. I've already said that and I'll say it as often as I need to. I love you man... eeerrr.. lady... err.. whatever you are. [hee hee]  


  
Howard's Boi 08:32 EMT 11/15 Review for Hiro's Lacking Soul Chapter Review, chap. 62  
  


Kittin: I love you too. And I'm going to go cry in the shower again. Thank you for making me an emotional wreck. It's taking everything I have just not to break down around everyone I know. This is helping though. I am getting hope. Just a small bit, but it's there.

  
SxyKtn 02:26 EMT 11/16 Reply Column for Hiro's Lacking Soul  
  


Howe: There, see? But hope in what? Please don't hope that this person will love you. I mean, I'm gonna hate myself if I screwed you over. Especially now that they're with someone else.

  
Howard's Boi 07:48 EMT 11/16 Review for Hiro's Lacking Soul Chapter Review, chap. 84  
  


Kittin: Okay. I'm finished with your fiction and I am sure I've not cried as much as I have these past three days. I feel as if someone has just opened up my soul and spread it for the entire world to see. You've shown the way for redemption and offered me a way to see that not everything is over just because someone has chosen not to love me or seems not to or however that may occur. So here we go. 1.) Please don't worry. I'm not going to pin my hopes on something that is hopeless. I may be shy and introverted, but I can read social situations and I'm not stupid. I know better than to set my sights on anyone that isn't looking at me that way. Even if I've never been in love before. 2.) It's a happy ending to my story. One that I'm not sure will have a happy ending - but then, this is real life and that is fiction and somehow, that is just fine. And you've shown me that maybe taking a chance in life isn't so much giving in to my weaknesses and making myself vulnerable as it is giving myself an opportunity to grow and be stronger. To build up the areas in my life that are deficient and to connect with those I care about on a deeper and deeper level. I think therefore, that I WILL tell this person how I feel and I'm confident that our friendship can weather my admission. I'll have to choose my time. And I want to thank you. Maybe I don't have to be afraid to live my life "Duofied" as you called it. To take in a bit of the light I've always seen in that character and apply it to the shadows of my own life. Because in the end, "the only way to live life, is to simply live it," as you so aptly put it. Thank you, my friend. I am eternally grateful to you. And very honored you would have ... Hell, I'm touched more deeply than I've ever been. There is nothing more kind than what you've done for me and I think I owe you something far more lasting than this gratitude, but I'm not sure what I could give you other than my thanks. Not here. No matter how many stories I write, I'll never help you in the way you just helped me. You are, in more ways than one, amazing.  
  


SxyKtn 01:41 EMT 11/17 Reply Column for Hiro's Lacking Soul  
  


Heh. Isn't that what friends are for? And give it time. You'll find your Duo soon. He/She is sure to be out there, just waiting. You know it, I know it. It's only a matter of time. And we'll both be all as glad for you when you do. So yeah. Yer welcome, kay? Don't get all mushy on me an'shit. Love ya! Keep writing. And I've got a hell of a lot of fics to catch up on! What you bin doin'? Writing 24-7 or something? Hee hee. I'm gonna be up for WEEKS reading all of this! Thank goodness I know it's bound to be a good waste of time.  


  
-Owari-

* * *

(( This IS a GW fic, because one of the writers IS a GW boi. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one and where. It needn't be explained or if you want an explanation, I suppose that will come out in later one shots. But as with the others, this should stand alone.  
  
MONSTER: [S] If you read this, m'dear. I hope it suits your fancy and isn't too far off the mark. I like the idea of tall, dark, and handsome having a sweet side. (call me a sucker)  
  
Thank you all, for the reviews! I'm keeping this up as long as the bug is nipping at my heels. And any ideas on what might happen or how I can do it better, will be greatly appreciated!)) 


	6. Who's the Turkey?

-Who's the Turkey?-  
  
Duo sat in the heavy chair, it's brocade holding him up far more firmly than he would have liked. The thing about being in big chairs is that you -sink- into them and hope that no one will come to pull you out of them. You just siiink and sink and sink. And he definitely was NOT sinking.  
  
He let his eyes wander around the room. Thanksgiving. It was pretty much Tro's idea. The man had made them celebrate every friggin' holiday the first year out. Thankfully things had quieted down to Christmas, Valentines, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, and any football days that came up. But he thought that the football days were due to Wufei's discovered passion for sports. Sports were too much like war for Duo to enjoy.  
  
They had it at a different house each year on rotation. So far they had had it at Quatre's house the year before, this year it was at Wuffie's and Tro's, and next year since he and Heero would be sharing a place (as they so often did) it would be at their place.  
  
As they so often did? He hadn't really thought of how often he and Heero ended up together. Both during the war and after. Heero was really Quatre's best friend, not his. And Quat always had extra room and offered living places to them all. He'd always said no, though he'd desperately wanted to at times, because he wanted to know that when he stood up, it was his own feet he was using to hold himself up on. He had always simply assumed Heero had been that way too.  
  
Looking at Heero, Duo wondered just what it was that the two of them had. And he wasn't thinking like in one of the stupid fan fictions. It wasn't like that. It was something completely different from a simple "Oh boy, he's hawt, kinIhavehim?" emotion, really. And he didn't have a true name for it. There just always had been a connection between them. Not the deep, emotionally laced connection Heero and Quatre had, or for that matter, that Quatre had with everybody. Nor was it that -holy shit, can I just be a voyeur?- sense he got off of Tro and Wu-man. It was, well - just Heero. And he could think of no one else he'd want to live with. They didn't get all personal and mushy most of the time. Heero was anal retentive and Duo was a slob and somehow they managed. Heero had early hours and Duo often stayed up until two in the morning doing his work (or writing his new passion) and while they did see one another at least once a day or so, they didn't go starving if they didn't have time together. When it got bad, one of them would drag the other one up earlier or deep into the night to a club or something and there get their fix. And it turned out that both of them could stand about the same amount of time away from one another before they needed to reconnect. It was a lazy, laid back, tight, committed -  
  
Wait. Who was saying anything about committed?  
  
Ah fuck, of course they were committed. Look at how long they'd been together - been staying together that is. The war had ended and for a year they'd roomed just outside Quatre's place to keep close to the guys since Wufei and Tro were staying with Quat. But neither he nor Heero had felt comfortable in the open spaces of that large mansion. They'd needed something more homey, more safe, like the places they'd holed up in during the war. It helped with Heero's nightmares and it helped with Duo's - well, streetrattedness, so to speak.  
  
Then a year and a half later, Heero's work had started. No one cared that he was too young to do what he was doing. They only knew that he was the best and people were willing to pay out of the nose for services. He'd gotten Duo into a few jobs now and then, enough to keep Duo's head above water. Heero though, had needed to relocate to London to be closer to most of his clients due to some hostilities between England and the IRA hacking division. He'd lived there for six months until, claiming to be sick of rain and saying that it left him screaming at nights (though he only admitted that to Duo and maybe, Duo supposes, to Quat) he'd simply moved back in with Duo.  
  
That move had been difficult. Duo was glad Heero was back, but he was restless that time, frustrated he hadn't found his own path yet, and unfulfilled with the schools they were sending him to. He wasn't stupid and he rarely saw the good in repetition when his brain picked it up the first time. Doing homework was tedium he didn't want to deal with. But he was almost done. And maybe it was the itch to get out of school and get to doing something. It drove Heero out again after only four months.  
  
He'd felt like a shit, seeing Heero leave like that. But it was a relief as well. He had the place to roam in, like a big cat, wanting through the bars at anything that moves, just to prove that it's still one damn scary predator. He hadn't made many friends at school. They all talked about things that simply didn't matter to him. And the kids that did have something in common with him (often times the homeless kids and the goth and other misfits of life and brain) didn't have the breadth of experience and still saw the world through rose colored glasses. Even the kids who had been screwed over by life. They were still waiting for their true love to show up or that perfect opportunity to prove to everyone that they were worthwhile. Duo had had to get over that need for validation a long time ago. It simply didn't mean anything to him, nor did the often times manipulative and idealized reactions of the other kids around him. He managed to keep an acquaintance or two. It got him through his Heero'less time, as he was wont to call it.  
  
He rarely saw Heero during that time. Though he called the guy every week, at least once a week and despite there being a strain, neither of them wanted to back down from what contact they needed with one another. You can't save the world together and not have a desperate need to remain together. Besides, despite getting on his nerves, Heero and the rest of the guys were the closest thing to family he had. Hell, they -were- family. It was that simple. Tro was Mom, Quat was a really nice Dad. Wufei was like a young brother. And Heero? Well, Heero was like his twin. They were too much alike inside, despite the outter differences, to not be really close in a sort of twisted, sick, crazy way.  
  
It had been Duo who had cracked finally. A year later. He'd just ended up at Heero's doorstep and staring into his friend's face had grinned in a way he didn't feel inside, and asked, "How's the nightmares, Heero?" Heero hadn't answered but somehow, without a word spoken of it, Duo had left his own place and moved into Heero's. It was a way to split costs and it kept Heero from having nightmares. And if Duo was honest with himself (which he rarely was when it came to needing somebody) it kept Duo's smile real.  
  
Ever since then, they'd been keeping one another company. Not much had changed, really. From that first time. Except that Duo was the one who had decided this time and somehow he managed to cage the tiger or panther or whatever it was that made him so nervous that one time. He still felt like pacing sometimes. He just took it outside when he did. And he'd walk until it didn't bother him anymore. Be it an hour or two days. Heero didn't worry about him because maybe Heero understood. At least Heero didn't seem to worry. And there was always some food waiting for him in the fridge, covered and ready to heat up for when he got back.  
  
And it wasn't as if they were best friends. They were family. They knew one another inside and out and Duo understood what made Heero tick in a way that no one else, not even Quatre with his space heart, could. Wufei had his honor, his dead family to support his spirit. Quatre had his sweet, beautiful heart. Trowa had Catherine and his lions and his talents that weren't anything like death. But Heero and he? They'd never had an opportunity to make something real out of their childhoods. They'd been robbed, and they huddled together like the orphans they truly were.  
  
Oh - yeah, so Thanksgiving. Duo blinks, realizing he'd went off into his own world for far too long. Heero was standing across the room with Quatre's arm around his shoulders, though he was taller, Quat had managed to gain on them all and even had surpassed Wufei, and talking to Sally Po. Though the other two were laughing, Heero's eyes were set tightly and focused on Duo. A grin rushing to the fore, Duo was surprised to discover that he'd been staring at his roommate unabashedly for heaven knows how long. Heero's face showed slight worry and at the smile Duo gives him, he quirks his own lips slightly before turning back to the others.  
  
It was an unspoken language.  
  
Kind of like Tro's and Wufei's. Just, umm.. different. Because they weren't lovers or anything. But they knew one another that well. Well, not -that- well.  
  
Taking in a deep breath and shaking his head to clear it, Duo stood and entered the party, now in full swing. Some were family of Quat or Tro's circus family. Some were friends of various pilots, some were friends of friends, dates, children, spouses, that sort. It seemed that the gathering got bigger each year and somehow, they were drawn deeper and deeper into the world they lived in. Not that Duo minded that, really. It helped to keep him grounded, somehow. Knowing that a room full of people knew him beyond his face and his fame as an ex-pilot.  
  
"So... you read my stuff?" a whisper danced to his ear and he smirked, turning to look at the light blue eyes, dancing with mischief.  
  
"Not bad, Quat. Or should I call you, Hemahn?" That was a name to beat all names. "You know, I would have thought you up something a lot better than that, if you'd asked me."  
  
Quatre shrugged and letting go of Duo's waist, dances out a few steps and bows. "Yes, but you already had the kitty name, so I didn't want to copy."  
  
Grinning, Duo looked around them and then indicated a chair, sitting down in it and watching Quat take one close by. "So," he intoned dryly, "I've still got to get you for what you did to us all. I'm just biding my time, you understand."  
  
Quatre laughed a sweet pealing that was almost too feminine but still had that husky quality to ensure all he was pure male. "I was waiting for it. I've liked that last one you wrote. I bawled like a baby."  
  
"Yeah, but it doesn't take much to make you bawl, Quat," Duo grinned.  
  
"Well, at least I know you have a heart under all that joker stuff, Duo." Quatre quipped. Then at the shocked look on his friend's face, he laughed and shook his head. "No, I've known all the time. It's just you don't let it out very often. You're fun to hang out with, Duo. But you don't like to connect very often. And when you do connect, even you don't know you've done it," he added cryptically.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Duo eyed his friend with a slight puzzled frown creasing his brow.  
  
"I just mean, that there's a lot in your fictions that you've never let out before. Are you sure you're being honest with yourself?"  
  
There was a leading to this line of questioning that Quatre wasn't letting on about. Duo's frown deepened further. "Ah, I am honest with myself. I don't always face up to facts, but I don't lie to myself, if that's what you mean."  
  
Quatre suddenly looked like a cat about to pounce as he so often did when something moved under his whiskers which smelled just right and wiggled. "That's exactly what I mean," he purred while lifting a brow and giving Duo a firm stare.  
  
Duo's confusion was knocked sideways when a pillow knocked him on the back of the head. Turning around as he reached over and picked it up, he glared at the already glaring Heero. "Wha-at?" his smile breaking out instantly. "We're just talking! Sheesh you get so jealous sometimes! I'll give him back as unsullied as I found him, I promise!" Then he winked at Quatre and laughed. "Or as unsullied as he'll let me."  
  
"Hn." Heero approached and sat down casually on a couch end, but Duo could see his eyes laughing so it was all the same to him.  
  
"You know that Quatre's been writing? He wrote one fiction and -"Duo began with an intent to start his revenge.  
  
"And Duo's already commented on it in his own reviews when it comes to his stuff!" Duo heard Quatre say with triumph. Suddenly the world constricted to a pinprick. Light? What was light? And air? Oh shit. His small lungs couldn't take in more than a teacupful of air.  
  
"Duo is writing too?" Heero's voice rung out, sufficiently surprised and Duo couldn't see to tell if he was screwed or not.  
  
'You didn't know?" Their words are distant, Duo could barely hear Quatre.  
  
"Mmm.." Heero was thinking. It made sense his roomie would think now about it. "He has been staying up late." Was that laughter there? Was Heero laughing at him now?  
  
"Who's been staying up late?" Oh shit! Not Trowa, too! And where Tro was -  
  
"What is going on?" Wufei wasn't far behind.  
  
His gaze slowly coming back, Duo stared in pained shock at his friends. Secret's out. Now it was just a matter of time. His off handed attempt to get back at Quatre had managed to make him the center of attention again. Only it was not the kind of attention he needed.  
  
"Duo is writing those fictions we were talking about last month," Quatre shoveled more dirt on his coffin. "He is really good, actually. But it's mostly lemon stuff. Not sure if you'd all want to read it."  
  
"Not .. just.." his voice croaked and he could barely recognize it, and with that sound his vision cleared. He could see them all. Heero laughing silently. Trowa an unflappable as always. Wufei shocked. Quatre's eyes gleaming because he knew just what he'd done. He had learned at the knee of the best, hadn't he? And the pupil was definitely surpassing the teacher in this one.  
  
"Right. No, I've done a few too," Quatre stole Duo's attack and knocked him for another loop. No one seemed too surprised at Quatre though.  
  
Trowa chuckled low and slipping his arm around his love's waist, looked them over. "Is there something we should know?"  
  
"Nani? No!" Duo stared, shocked at them all. "Dammit, it's just stories!"  
  
"Nah," Quatre remained unflustered, the perfect host, the perfect murderer of reputations, the perfect criminal master mind. Duo would kill him later. "I did it to give Duo a hard time, but he messed up my plan by thinking it was cool. And Duo writes fantasy. It's not even close to the real him and Heero."  
  
Duo shot up, standing and reaching for something. He found an arm nearby and gripped it. "Ah..." Damn Quatre's eyes! He so blithely made everything secret viewed in a harsh, unforgiving light of reality. "Shit.. I... I..."  
  
"You okay?" a voice rumbled somewhere, concerned. But Duo wasn't interested in who it was. He had to get the hell out of here before Heero looked at him and he was unable to keep whatever secrets he needed to keep from showing to his stolid roomie. Breaking past them all, he stumbled out of the room and through the grand mirrored kitchen, to the foyer where his footsteps echoed, and through the door. Somehow managing to get down the lengthy entrance staircase without breaking his neck, he walked unsteadily out onto the grounds to a locust tree a hundred feet off next to a small man made stream on the grounds. There, he sank to the earth and trembling, tried to remember how to breathe.  
  
He knew it was going to happen, so he wasn't surprised to hear the soft footsteps behind him a few moments later, nor feel the soft rustling presence settle down beside him. They sat in the stillness broken only by the soft giggling hiccups of the stream passing by their feet.  
  
Finally, with a sigh, Heero broke the silence.  
  
"You know, I've read a few of those too. I was with you when you discovered them. I heard that one that Quat read. It's not that I don't understand that you have a libido, Duo."  
  
Duo turned his head to gape at his roommate. He couldn't really think that Duo was gay??? Unable to say a word in reply, he managed a grunt.  
  
Heero's lips quirked. 'Like a silver moon tipped flower, just waiting to be kissed,' Duo's mind created words for the picture and he shoved the pen back into his subconscious where it needed to be so it didn't fuck up his life.  
  
"I'm not saying that you're interested in guys, Duo," because Heero could read his mind, of course. "I'm just saying that there's a pull to those stories. And I'm saying that you're an emotional person. I can understand is all. And you don't have to feel so afraid." He raised his head and looked over at Duo, his eyes black in the darkness. But even then, Duo could tell by the set of those broad shoulders, the angle of his head, that Heero's eyes were soft as they rarely could come to be, given the right reasons. It wasn't pity, he knew that. Heero didn't have it in him to pity anyone. It was sympathy. Or empathy. Or something like that. It was just, he didn't want Heero to look at him that way. As if he understood what even Duo couldn't understand. It wasn't fair to have a guy who was purported to be the emotionless one, know more than he, the emotional basket case, did about his own state of affairs.  
  
Without a word to say, Duo shoved around inside of his mind for some quip to throw out, some joke to make light of the entire situation. Hands empty, he returns to the world outside without even a sound. He could only stare at his friend, knowing full well that every emotion he couldn't name or even be aware of, was flickering over his face. And wondering in some back corner of his mind, if this was it.  
  
"So," Heero looked down and away with a soft smile radiating from his voice, "don't let Quat get at you. He actually didn't know that you hadn't told me. And he went a little too far, but you've done that plenty yourself."  
  
"Yeah," Duo was surprised to hear his voice grind out haltingly, as if it were a rusted wheel being turned for the first time in a hundred years, "But it wasn't ever about something that made everyone think ill of him, or anybody."  
  
"Oh?" And Duo could blush because he had in fact, made a grievous error a time or two and ended up having to beg for forgiveness from more than one of his friends. "Seems to me you've been quite a turkey a few times now."  
  
Duo heard a laugh and while it had a hysterical edge to it, the rest of it sounded comfortable, comforting.  
  
Heero stood, holding out his hand to his roomie and once Duo found it with his own, pulled Duo up to his feet and smiled in the sudden wash of light glancing off of his face. "So shall we go in and let him grovel some? I'm sure he's more than ready."  
  
Duo could feel something lift from his spirit. Like a spinning wind, he was free. With a grin, he looped his arm over the shoulders of his best friend and grinned mischievously, "Hmm... not sure how long it'll be before I forgive him.." and Heero laughed to hear the revenge hinting in that voice. Duo was sure to milk everything he could get from the encounter and Quat would not walk away unscathed.  
  
Just to make sure though, that all was truly well, Heero snuck his arm around Duo's shoulders from under his friend's arm and with a low chuckle, added, "We'll make him squirm, I'm sure." And he was rewarded by an instant mega-watt smile from Duo of gratitude. Because they were in this together.  
  
- Owari -

* * *

((Okay! And that was completely and utterly inspired by the SF-Boiz. Earth Gurl, this is what I get for writing a fic while doing SF at the same time. Hee hee)) 


	7. More Questions in the Dark

"Hee-chan?"  
  
...  
  
"Heeeeeeero?"  
  
...  
  
"You asleep?"  
  
...  
  
"Oh.. cause if you weren't, I had a question to ask you."  
  
...  
  
"Ya see, I was thinking back to that time I asked you that question about being gay? And you kinda answered. But the more I think about it, the more I realize you didn't really answer? And I was just sitting here cause it's like four in the morning and I can't sleep. And I was wondering if you really are straight or gay or whatever."  
  
...  
  
"Okay, not that it matters really. I mean, I'm straight. Or I think I am. At least last time I checked. But I was wondering because usually you answer stupid questions real openly. And you didn't say yes or no. And you're so smart, maybe you didn't want me to know or care for me to know or... yanno."  
  
A sigh breaks into the silence, left by the logorhea from his roomie's mouth.  
  
"I knew you wouldn't be asleep. How long you been awake?"  
  
"From 'You awake?'"  
  
"Oh, sorry Hee-chan. So what'dya say?"  
  
"I say yes."  
  
"Yes... okay! Wait.. yes what?"  
  
"Or no, depending on which question you're asking."  
  
"Heeeeee-channnnn! Don't be so mean. I'm tired and it's been on my mind and I can't sleep until I know. You've dated.. or.. well, you've gone places with girls. But you're not like jumping into bed with them. And you don't really jump guys either. Maybe your a sort of Heero Earthworm."  
  
"What?" Duo could see Heero's expression in his mind, the quizzical turn of the brows and the curl of the lip as if something both disgusting and very strange had passed.  
  
"Well," Duo forged on, "You know. Earthworms. They're asexual. Maybe you're asexual. Ever considered that? The war screwed us both up."  
  
"What does the war have to do with my sexual preference?"  
  
"So you DO have one! A sexual preference?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And what is it?"  
  
"I don't have any interest in earthworms."  
  
"You're so mean, Heero."  
  
"You've said that already."  
  
"I'm tired so I repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Rep-"  
  
"Duo, please."  
  
"Oh, sorry."  
  
...  
  
"Hee-chan?"  
  
Another sigh. "Yes, Duo? Look, I have to be up in three hours. Oh, no, two.." a flash of green across a wrist when the alarm clock is plucked from the bedstand. "Can we make this short?"  
  
"Sure. I just was wondering how many of those fictions you've read. Was it just those two? Or more?"  
  
"Duo."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why are you asking me questions like this at three in the morning?"  
  
"Four in the morning. And I'm asking because I can't get to sleep. And while we're at it, I'm going to take an art class next term. Just thought I'd let you know. It's coming up soon. Sculpture or something. Not sure yet."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You're taking drawing the human form, aren't you? Never struck me as the creative type, Hee-chan. Of course, then I never wondered if you were interested in guys."  
  
"Duo, are you curious to find if I'm interested in gender or interested in you?"  
  
"Ahh...I.. . You know... "  
  
Another sigh. "Go to sleep, Duo."  
  
"Not that that would be a bad thing. Not like I'd jump on it or anything. Being straight and all. It mean, ah, now that's an unfair question to ask at four in the morning."  
  
"Four fifteen. Good night Duo."  
  
"Because if I WAS gay, I don't think you'd even be my type."  
  
"Oh? Hmm, well, considering what you write, I'm not sure that's all that true."  
  
"No! It is! And that is a low blow, Hee-chan. The fictions, the Hiro in them is sweet and hard to get to, but underneath he's all just a huge keg of powder waiting to blow. See, I think that's kinda how I am, all ready to blow and stuff and maybe I'm looking for an outlet to see myself through? But it doesn't have anything to do with you."  
  
"You're not a keg ready to blow."  
  
"I'm not?"  
  
"No. You're a lazy animal waiting for someone to light your tail on fire. And you should be asleep."  
  
"A lazy animal." Duo wasn't sure why his voice sounded so dull, but it definitely sounded dull.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"What kind of lazy animal?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"I said, what kind of - are you falling asleep on me?"  
  
"Duo, it's past four in the morning. I have only a few more hours before I have class again. Of course I'm falling asleep on you."  
  
"Oh. Well, what kind of animal?"  
  
"Duoooo.." a groan.  
  
"Just answer the question and I promise to leave you alone for the rest of the night."  
  
"Augh.. okay. A tiger.. now go to sleep."  
  
....  
  
...  
  
"Hee-chan?"  
  
"Wha-at?" a yawn punctuating the frustration. Toddlers were easier to put to sleep than Duo.  
  
"So are you gay?"  
  
"I thought that was the last question, Duo." A warning.  
  
And in response, a smile. "Yeah, but it's not night anymore. It's morning. See? It even has the little red light next to the AM on your alarm clock."  
  
A rustling of covers and then a low snarl, "Duo.. "  
  
"Okay, okay! I'm going to sleep."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"Hee-chan?"

* * *

(( Okay! Another quickie. I realize I'm changing tactics a lot. That's cause I'm still on that quest and it's a haphazard story anyway. Getting deeper and then shallow and going silly and then serious. I'm giving up on deciding how to focus it and am just going to let the story come out in as many different ways as it wants.  
  
Ah.. and the story has a title now, since I had to give up on it being full of One Shots... and I'm not going to put Owari until the true end, whenever that might come.  
  
Thank you for the marvelous constructive criticism!!! I am really trying to work on my tenses. Grah. [g] It's a work in progress.)) 


	8. What Do you Do with a Sick Duo?

((snrrrrk Okay... So I was feeling bored with this and wanting to rush it to an ending, but the boys aren't letting me. I'm sorry this is so haphazard. I think we'll all have to just accept it's how the story is demanding to be told. Duo doesn't want to leap at Heero yet and he won't let me even get a simple confession out of him! hates characters with a mind of their own So - I'm sick as a dog, and this is what came of it. I'm going back to bed.))  
  
:What Do you Do with a Sick Duo?:  
  
"Nnnngggghhhrrrrggghhh." The sound emanating from under the covers was a low, long, and complicated series of sounds, each chosen specifically to broadcast how incredibly and excruciatingly sick the personage under the covers happened to have found himself.  
  
The door opened carefully. Quatre's brow crinkled in concern as he edged himself into the room. The room had a distinct odor of sweat slicked skin and heat and a lack of bathing that morning. It wasn't a sickly smell, but more of a comfortable one, male and sweet over the acrid taste under it. But despite the comfort in the scent and the darkness of the room with it's blinds closed, Quatre remained cautious in entering. A sick pilot is not always the safest thing to walk in on.  
  
"Duo?" the soft voice drug another moan out from under the covers. Settling down on the bed beside the lump, Quatre fiddled with the end of the comforter. "Heero said you were feeling ill. He said you weren't drinking much and..."  
  
"Quat?" the broken sound from under the covers was one of hope and long slender fingers that had once shot dolls down out of the sky, curled alien like from underneath, around over the top, and pulled down enough to reveal a tousled golden brown head and one eye so deeply blue and shot through with tawny streaks so that it looks almost violet if one weren't close enough to tell the difference.  
  
Quatre's gentle smile greeted the eye and his fingers reached out to brush the bangs back from that feverishly hot brow. Drawing back in alarm, he hissed. "Duo! You're burning up! We should get you cooled down. Have you taken anything for this yet?" knowing full well, due to Heero's silent anger that no, Duo had refused medicine. He complained often that the medicines made the sickness worse, not better and chose to do it the hard way more often than not.  
  
"Dun'like it.." came the petulant reply and Duo's hands tightened on the blanket, pulling them back up and over his head into a tight mass of folds. It is no secret that Quatre was there for a reason. And the reason being to do some work on Duo and his aching body.  
  
"Hmm.. I know.." broke the soft reply right before the terrifying rip of a package at which broke another moan from under the blankets. This one of protest. "And yes, I know you don't want to take this either," Quatre sympathized as he grabbed a fistful of blanket and half kneeled, bracing himself before with a violent jerk, drug the blanket away in one swift motion.  
  
Duo is often times a formidable enemy when it comes to blanket stealing. But a sick Duo can only (apparently) curl up and cry. It's enough to break even the hardest of hearts, which is probably, Quatre considers, why Heero was nowhere nearby. Heero wasn't into having his heart broken at all by such things.  
  
And speaking of the devil, "W'rrs 'Ro?" the moan came from the shivering body.  
  
"He's run for cover," Quatre replied as he slowly uncapped the medicine, pouring some into a cup and holding it out.  
  
"Hate th'stuff.." was the whine and Duo's arms tightened even further around his head and shoulders.  
  
"Yes, you do.. please though? It'll cut through this fever." Quatre, the inexorable. Known for his puppy dog eyes and his sweet pleading, can get where no one else can.  
  
"S'always runnin' off.." broke the next whine and Quatre sighed. Yes, Heero is always running off. Maybe it was because Heero had trouble facing up to the weakness of others that he saw as indomitable. Or perhaps, Quatre smirked, it was that he feared his own weakness.  
  
That, however, was a tale for a different time.  
  
"Here, just a little bit. There's just this and I've got some Ibuprofen to go with this."  
  
"Hrrmm?" That violet like eye emerged from over a forearm, shot through with misery, lashes clinging around the tears. Most of the pilots could contend with a bad cold or a general bout of influenza. Duo as well, could manage his piloting in this state. It was just that when not on the clock, he rarely felt the need to act stoic. In fact, it was times like this where his innate need for hedonism rose in all it's glory. Much to the chagrin of all the others.  
  
"Judging from the way you're breathing, you'll need it. This is Guaifenesin. It'll help loosen up the congestion in your lungs." It also would not make Duo sleepy like the other syrups he found. He wasn't so sure about using it with Duo's fever. But it didn't seem like a day's worth of the medicine would be too detrimental.  
  
With a low moan, Duo sat up, each motion aching from joints and muscles screaming in protest. "Kay.." his mumbled reply as he gave in. Much easier than when they were in the war. During the war, Duo had had a fear that anything he took would steal his edge. He'd refused and there were times when they'd have to sit on him and force medicine down his throat. Quatre had a bit of a bump on the slender length of his nose from where it had been broken from one such bout. That bump also left him safe when it came to administering medicines from then on out. One thing Duo was a master at, right after hedonism, was pure guilt and shame.  
  
Leaving Duo to down the vile stuff, Quatre stood up and went to retrieve the pills and a glass of water pulled from the bathroom sink. These too, he holds out and sees with satisfaction that they are taken with only a murmur of protest.  
  
Satisfied, Quatre helped Duo lay back down, considering taking his temperature now that his body had been in the air some time. The blanket would have shown them a higher temperature than was true. But the pitiful state of Duo's shivering body led him to believe he'd not get that far, unless he covered Duo up first. So after finding the discarded bedding and tucking Duo in, Quatre went into the bathroom a final time, emerging with a hand held ear temperature gauge.  
  
This was easier than the medicines and it went far more smoothly, so that some time later, when Heero returned, Quat was gone, Duo was asleep, and a note waited for the absent roommate.  
  
- 'Hee-chan,  
  
So you can be kept abreast of what is going on. I gave him 200 mg of Guaifenesin as well as 400 mg of Ibuprofen at 10:00 hours. You might want to double up with some Acetaminophen around 12:00 but it's not necessary. He won't need anything until 16:00 when you can repeat the doseage. If his fever hasn't broken by then, switch to Acetaminophen so we don't over do the Ibu. Temperature is only 101.7 so he should be okay. Good luck!  
  
Quatre  
  
PS. I've got meetings tonight and tomorrow morning, so good luck! '  
  
A racking cough led Heero through the doors with a bottle taken up from the table beside the note in hand. His face set for war.  
  
"Duo?" Softly, because maybe he'd not been awake. Still, the murmured groan under the blanket pile that was Duo countered that thought and Heero, face cold and hands tensed on the bottle, sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "It's four thirty. You probably need some more medicine."  
  
"'Ro?" Duo's head slowly broke free of the blankets like that of an ancient turtle. "Ugh... no more of that guya-shit stuff, please?"  
  
Heero's mouth showed no sign of the light laugh in his soul, but he nodded and with that agreement was able to tempt Duo out with a glass of water and the medicine. Duo's eyes half shut, he drank it all, then held it out as he lowered himself painfully back to the pillow. Every neuron in his body was screaming to be taken out into the back and shot, put out of its misery. "Annnhhhh Hee-channnn" he groaned and looked to where his roomie had been sitting a moment before. Empty. Heero had left as soon as his mission was completed. Damn but the guy was in some ways, very much like his fictional counterpart. Though there weren't the same, easy to buy reasons behind why he pulled away so often. Things were just more complicated in real life.  
  
Coughing broke up from his bronchial tubes and rattled up his throat. It left everything sore, even the muscles on the back of his shoulders. Luckily it wasn't a tickle, more of a clearing that had to be done so he didn't drown in his own .. whatever you wanna call it. Mucus, spit, something.  
  
Eyes closed, Duo moaned softly and burrowed his face back into his pillow, tucking the blankets up around his ears once more. Nothing worse than being sick alone and with an uncaring roomie. He wanted Quatre back. But Quatre had said something about being too busy for the rest of the day and tomorrow as well. No fair really, because by the time Quatre wasn't busy anymore, Duo would be just fine. Or fine enough to not need his friend nearby.  
  
Exhaustion claiming him once more, he was sliding back into the darkness of fever induced sleep when a hand pressed lightly to the side of his head, cool and slightly wet. He hadn't need of reflexes any longer and so his reaction was slow, a turning of his head, a breaking of eyelids as he lowered the blanket to under his chin. Then an even slower recognition of what was beside him on a chair. "Heero?" He couldn't believe the sound of... hope in his voice. But then, he felt too damn sick to consider why he might have felt hopeful.  
  
"Hn." One of those many meaning words, this one was 'shut-up sickie.' And Duo knew to follow the order, closing his eyes when a cloth passes his peripheral vision and lowers onto his face.  
  
"Ai! S'cold, Hee-chan.." Duo winced back and then eased a moment after as the cloth was moved about his brow and down against his temples. The sickness hadn't been nice to him and he felt grimy. He didn't need to complain so long as that sheen of sweat and breath was removed from his skin.  
  
There was no answer and neither of them expected one. You don't live near or with one another that long and not know some things about one another. Duo was tempted to tease about Quatre having been the one to put him up to this, but he knew better. That would call an end to any ministrations. And these particular favors were nice, reaaaal nice. Who knew Heero could be so gentle?  
  
Falling asleep under the cool cloth on his face and neck and shoulders was the way to go for someone who would be a cat in his next reincarnation. And waking up with his body sore once more in a dark room, was a let down so severe that Duo made sure to cry a little in disappointment. But no sooner had the first tear run down his face than a cool hand brushed his brow and a figure leaned from the chair by the bed.  
  
"M'awake.." Duo wasn't sure if the snuffle in his words was indicative of anything but a bad cold. He hoped not. But then, the light flicking on by the bedside certainly took care of that. Quatre's smile and the gentle flooding of the room with orange artificial light came as balm to a sick soul.  
  
"So you are.." the soft voice of one of his close friends sounded intimate in the darkness, like there was a secret that no one else could know but the two of them, comforting in its own way. Duo felt Quatre's fingers run under his eye and wipe away that tear that hadn't fallen just yet. "Still feeling crummy?" even as he asked, Quatre went about the act of checking temperature and getting out the medicines.  
  
"Mmmm.." the mournful groan answered Quatre and Duo watched his friend hand him only one pill this time.  
  
"Your fever is broken," the gentle voice slides around him and settles next to his side. "This is just for the aches. You'll probably be better by morning time. Get some rest now, okay?"  
  
Medicine, soothing hand, cooling voice, Duo slept.  
  
Only to be woken by a firm hand on his shoulder that made his bones grate together. "oooowwwwww"  
  
"Sorry.." the terse voice shocks Duo awake. Still dark, yet that lamp beside his bed was on yet. Heero actually looked embarrassed. "You have to get up. You're freezing and you're in a bed that is wet through. When your fever broke, you sweat in it too much. C'mon.."  
  
"Wh're?" Duo pushed up against the bed. He was feeling better. His body still ached, but the bleary haze was gone. That was the fever he reckoned.  
  
"You're going to sleep in my bed. It's dry, and I'll change your sheets while you sleep so that your bed will be okay in the morning." Heero's directives came as calmly as a mission. It was simply something to do.  
  
"Not gon' carry me?" Duo listened in horror as his pen began to write a story for himself, one where he was gathered up into cold, indifferent (but not so indifferent) arms to be transported to a room where, half dying, he could be made love t- Shoving the pen back where it needed to stay so that his fuck-ups remained few and far between, he ducked his head and with a flush of shame, stood unsteadily, being held by an elbow for a moment from the stolid arm of his friend, then, on his own, stumbled to Heero's room and obediently fell into the dark blue field.  
  
The comforter smelled like Heero. And the pillow had had a new cover put on it, still sweet from laundry soap and the smell of Heero's shampoo, given his roomie's habit of taking a bath before bed and going to his rest with wet hair. Not like it made any difference. The man woke up with bed head no matter what. And that bed head was a constant state, even after it had been cared for in the daytime. Heero's hair simply had a mind of its own.  
  
Sleep became a welcome respite from thoughts of Heero. 


	9. Howe's Submission

((Okay, because I should have done this ages ago!!!!

Ahanchan: hee hee - I like how you think.

Ost-drauka: Thankya! S

Lil' Princess: (I love that name) I hope it continues to be of worth. And yes, thirrrrty! Old gal. I don't hold it against me though. [w]

Gil-galad: Hrmm... I think I've not the guts to go into such detail just yet. I fear for the length and patience of my readers if I let go. I will build up to it, kay? S

Andrea: Shhhhh... no telling tales. Hee.

Aaannnd Anissa: Thank you! Gotta admit, getting a review is helping keep the writing spirit alive. I'm dying to find out how Duo will explore things as well, and just what Heero has up his sleeve (considering he's over there in the corner staring at me and making "Die Woman" faces at me cause I am talking too much. Heh)

Okay. Yaoi, of course. this one a bit more hard core. And this is outside of the general story line. This time we get to read exactly what it is that is making Duo so darn happy. Forgive me. I've never written anything like this and I know I can't do justice to what Howe is actually writing. But the muse, she is a hard task master, no?

WARNING: Please be advised, I had to change the rating on this, due to Howe here. We are now in the R rating. Feel free to skip this chapter and go on to the next chapters. This is not plot specific. At least, not really.

Also, I own Howard's Boi's fic. It's not taken from any other writer. In case that was a concern. Now you all know.)

* * *

Submission by Howard's Boi 06:32 EMT 12/3

::The Collector:: [AU - DuoxHiro PWP]

"Mr. Yuy, we have another mission for you. Please advise."

The man standing against the door jamb takes his cigarette from his lips and stalks within the small dank room, the cloud of smoke whirling behind before dissipating. No words pass his lips as he thumbs the edge of the file and pulls it closer to him, flipping it open with a forefinger.

There is none in the room beyond himself and his usual contact, so there is none who would know the Collector well enough to see the expression flicker over his face, so subtle it is but a ripple on an unchanging face of deep water. Then the folder is closed and he looks up. "Dead or alive?" the soft dangerous cut of tone seems to hold more menace than usual and the contact shivers despite himself.

"Dead, please. This particular thief has taken something which can never be returned. My client does not wish for him to see another sundown."

"Of course."

And with nothing behind but the prevailing sense that a living weapon had stood there but moments before, the Collector is gone.

- - -

Duo Maxwell, son of Lance Maxwell, medical student and lover of women (much to the despair of women kind), is sick. Very sick. He's been sick on the bed covers, having to clean them up because he lived alone. Then he was sick in his trash bucket, and glad that it wasn't his floor. Now he was busy being sick in his toilet bowl. The reason? Simple enough, he had some blasted flu virus which was knocking him down and out. It wasn't something he liked to accept, for he so rarely was ill. But seeing as how he had no other choice.  
  
Then again, two days into his hols, he wasn't going to be that upset about it. One had to figure in a bit of let down illness after the finals from the last quarter. It simply meant he wouldn't be going home for Christmas. "Not that I mind.." he coughs against the vomit laden spit in his throat and spits into the bowl. "Damn, someone should clean this thing.."

He's been vomiting now for a day and a half. He would have been worried had he thought it might last longer. But he kept some water down three hours ago and until now, was on the mend. Then this. At first he'd even thought it was food poisoning, it had come on so quickly. But no food poisoning will last so long.  
  
Or would it? Shaking, he stands, clinging to the back chamber of the toilet bowl and then transferring his grip to the sink. With a grimace, he reaches for the bathroom door, opens it, and staggers out into his room once again. Reaching for the bed, he almost doesn't notice the dark shape sitting at it's foot.

"SHIT!" eyes widened, he draws back as if burned, staring at the menace there. For what other word could be given to a man like that? Dark hair which was dyed black, golden cream skin, and eyes like blue lasers, all around a pair of lips that put any lips he'd ever tasted (and he'd supped on a few) to shame. The man was a walking wet dream. If you were into men, that is. But even not being so, Duo was more than willing to concede that before him was something of exquisite and unworldly beauty.

The man stands then, lithe and radiating danger as he does so. Slipping a pair of sunglasses from his pocket he opens them and stares at his prey with a steady, unyielding glare. Then as slowly as if he were doing this every day, he slips them over those mesmerizing eyes and Duo finds himself looking into his own startled violet depths, reflected in the lenses that stare down at him.

"I - I - I..." Duo's mouth dries with each successive attempt to speak and when the menace reaches out to capture his braid between two slender fingertips, the ends callused in ways that did not mean hard work, but something else, for Duo had seen them many a time on his own father's hands, his father a policeman and well acquainted with wielding a gun before he ever learned to wield a hammer. "You're... you're going to kill me... aren't you?" Duo knows this, without thinking too hard about it. He knows too, that the man before him could do it just as easily with his bare hands. And while he's not entirely sure who would want him dead, nor why, he knows the type, the dark tailored suit of brackish grey hinted through with dark blue threads that would pull the blue out of those eyes, the slow, calculating movements, the expressionless mask.

And the fact that the man does not answer, only runs his thumb over the end of his braid, until overcome with both the sickness and fear, Duo Maxwell faints dead away.

- - -

Hiro Yuy is, indeed, a dangerous man. And yet here he is, flummoxed by a dark golden brown braid between his fingertips, silken and ropelike, and wanting nothing more than to unbind the tresses and watch them spill over his palms. Yes, he had seen the picture. At first, it had shocked him, seeing something so beautiful on paper. But the photograph left much to be desired. Where the photo had shocked him, the real thing, even tattered about the edges with sickness and smelling terrible, was a kick in the gut. Had Du-Mr. Maxwell been at top form, there was no telling what Hiro might have done or felt. Perhaps he would have been the one to faint.

He stares down at his empty fingers, then to the figure on the floor. Falling had taken the braid's tip from him and he considers his options. He could tie the young man up and hold his head next time he vomited. Certain bindings would leave little trace. Then let others think he had come to his demise due to inhalation of his own vomit. It was rare, but it did happen. And even more likely to happen if Du-Mr. Maxwell had not taken in much fluid due to his illness. There were no tell tale signs yet of dehydration, but considering the amount of fluid in the toilet, he was certain it would only be a matter of a day or so.

He could shoot him, make a martyr of him. Someone so beautiful would make a beautiful martyr.  
  
He kneels beside the body of the young man and plucking him easily from the ground, deposits him into the bedding. Then sits for the braid has wound itself about his arm and he hasn't the heart to move it from his skin just yet.

Or... or... blast! Wasn't there another plan? Hiro stares down at the braid on his forearm and traces it with his forefinger. Then silently stands and goes to the bathroom to run a bath. Drowning. That was always an easy one. Wasn't it?

- - -

Duo wakes as warmth breaks around him and softness runs over his chest. His stomach tight from vomiting, he groans softly. Then opens his eyes and stares upwards at the shadowy figure overhead.

The man.. the menace, is bending over him, no longer in the suit jacket or vest or tie. His chest bare, he works carefully over Duo's body with a white washcloth, cleansing away the sickness from his skin. His dark blue eyes do not deter from their task though Duo realizes rather quickly that his own body is naked.

"Ahhh.." he means to ask a question but when those eyes flicker up to him and he is subjected to the heat which flares across his soul and burns out all resistance, there is nothing he can say nor do. And still, that hand and the cloth work, along the rounded edges of his arms and across the cords of muscle on his back. Yet as strong as Duo is in body, there is nothing to compare to the lithesome velvet strength in the slender muscles which bind the chest of the menace. Duo whimpers, surprised at the growing pool of heat in his groin. And he flushes deeply as those flaming eyes trail down his form and find where he is slowly growing under the gentle ministrations of dangerous beauty.

- - -

Hiro had not meant to wash his prey. His subject. He had meant instead, to simply lay him in the water. But then he had thought that anyone with hair like that would either not get it wet or would clean it. And sickness might lead the young man to clean it, therefore it needed to be free of it's binding. And somewhere in the process of unwhirling the softened locks, he'd forgotten his mission. The plait was far more silky outside of it's braid than it was in, and each rush of hair across the back of his hand or the inner heart of his palm or the edge of his wrist, sent shivers of desire through his body. And by the time he was finished, he could give himself a million reasons to let this moment extend, just a little longer. He'd wondered at the satin of the skin on that bare chest and by way of excuse had set out to cleanse it, leaving the golden drapery of hair spread across the upper edge of the tub like a great fan of coppery golden earth. The scent of soap was in his nostrils and his brain felt as if it were running from between his ears into his feet. No longer of any use to him, he followed instincts.

Then, a soft sound and he blinks out of his reverent study of the perfect body beneath him to meet the eyes he'd feared the first time he met them. Violet as spring, with sun shot glints running rampant throughout. Beautiful beyond compare and wide with innocence. It is the awakening that fuels his desire even more than the rest, for while there is fear in those eyes, there is also a spark of something else, a shock of ignition for his own lust. He does not stop himself, but allows his eyes to raze down the slender body, meeting with a shock that is so supreme he cannot breathe, the evidence that he is not alone in the sensations assailing him.

That is all he needs to know. With a groan so primal that he does not even notice the sound, he grabs the young man's neck as if to push him under the water and free himself from this, but instead of pushing him further under, he loops his fingers around to the back, under the damp hairs at the nape of the perfection's neck, and drags those lips up to his own, bruising them and taking what he wishes, what he wants... no - what he needs.

Hands not his own, reach up and grasp his hair, as if to pull him away, but instead, hesitate and then draw him closer and with the triumphant inner yell of the conqueror, those lips part under his and he plunders the inner sanctum of perfection, drinking deeply of his victory. His free arm reaching around and gathering the nude body to his own, wet chest to his own dry, gasping into that mouth as he feels the silken warm skin pressing to his.

Needing breath, he drops his head and buries his face into that sweetly smelling neck, and with a guttural groan he cannot recognize as his own, whispers out, "D-Duo..."

"Wha-at?" comes the broken answer as those fingers which had so tightly held his mouth to those lips under his suddenly smooth and run through his hair. A delicious sensation.

"I.. I want you." And Hiro, knowing this to be more true than anything he's ever said in his life, raises his head and looks over the man's expression under him. There is a sweetness there, a vulnerability that Hiro cannot take from the world. What he will do instead, he is not entirely sure. But he cannot complete this mission. Not if he wished to risk his own heart, what was left of it. Those words, wrung from the depths of his soul, they were everything of himself, said in so few words, all of what he would have said otherwise. 'I love you. I do not know why. But I love you. I cannot help myself. I cannot stop myself. I only know that I must have you in my life, forever. From this moment on, I will not be able to let you go without letting my very heart leave my body. I have been waiting for you, wanting you, needing you, from the day I took my first breath. But I did not know it until this moment. Please, do not deny me. Do not leave me to this hunger which will eat me alive. Do not abandon me after I've found the sole reason for my life, to live for you and to make you happy. I love you. I do not know why. But I love you. I cannot help myself. I cannot stop myself. I only know that I must have you in my life, forever.'

He is drowning in those violet depths when the fingers tighten about his skull once more and draw his lips down. It is answer enough and Hiro, blinded to everything but his need, this overwhelming need, draws his Duo from the water, stalking out of the bathroom to the small twin dorm bed. There, laying out the pale form, he worships what is before him with his hands, his mouth, nipping at collar bones, swallowing sighs, feasting on a neck which has never been touched by his lips before. There is no doubt then, that Duo has loved before. He is too perfect, too beautiful, to have gone so long untouched. But never has he been loved so completely or with such a brightly burning passion. This Hiro knows, for Hiro can sense that the love pouring from him is special, different, and greater in its intensity than any other, being as it is, given to but one other soul on the earth's surface, all which is possible is concentrated into this giving of all that he is to his lover.

He is not sure of how he manages his pants without ripping them, for he does not watch his fingers, his gaze glued onto the vision spread out upon that small bed. Golden beams of hair radiating out in long curling waves from Duo's head, the heat of violet centers in those eyes, and the pink bruised lips, parted and panting, wanting what he cannot understand, no one can understand, least of all, Hiro himself. But he is very aware as he kneels between Duo's legs and using his arms, creeps forward until he is propped above that body. And then, with a soft groan, lowers himself slowly upon the table of his lover, a feast to be served and devoured. A gasp breaks from Duo's lips and is captured in the moan from Hiro's as ache meets ache, and Hiro, unmindful of his own wish to simply take his new lover, tilts his hips and lovingly, oh so slowly, presses them even more together, closer and with more heat. It is a perfect moment, for at the push of hips forward, Duo arches his back and cries out unintelligible words of desire.

He drops his head then, tasting skin and lowering his mouth until he is able to find one of the dusky nipples upon that pale surface. Again, a cry, this time even more primal as Duo is forced into the same heaven Hiro inhabits. Hiro's lover sighs and then purrs under the ministrations even as a gasp is dragged from him once more by the sudden flick of a tongue against his other nipple.  
  
A smile breaks a moment later, when Hiro lifts his head away and sees Duo's form, tense with want. He did not mean to take this so quickly, yet he was not sure he could wait much longer. Still, a nagging fear is at the back of his mind and he grimaces, afraid to break the mood because Duo's mood may change swiftly, at the discovery of what is to come. But he wants to have a repeat of this moment, not to take and then leave, so he groans in reaction as Duo's hips swirl upwards in a tantalizing brush against his ache and he pushes down in response even as he cries out that name again.

"D-Duo... no... wait.."

Duo's eyes open then, looking up at him, trust and beauty in those violet eyes. "Hmmmm? What is it, my Menace?"

Hiro's lips twitch. "Menace?"

"Yes..." Duo's laughter erupts and Hiro finds himself falling in love all over again. "You are a menace aren't you? Come to kill me and now taking me places I've never been? Will you kill me when this is over? I don't mind, I think. Not if it's you killing me. Because I know that I have to die and I'm not afraid of death, but I mmmmmmrrrfffmm" Duo's words stopped as horror spreads over Hiro and he descends upon those lips once more, silencing them.

A moment after, catching their breath, Hiro tries again. "You've never done this before?"

Duo smiles, shakes his head without speaking. Almost as if he realizes the importance of what it going to happen.

"I will show you. If you'll let me?" Hiro's fingers caress Duo's kiss swollen mouth in long sloping circles.

"Yes, please.." And Duo giggles, burying his face into Hiro's chest. Hiro feeling at the action that everything he'd ever dreamed has come more true than he had even dreamed it.

Wrapping his arms around his new lover, Hiro breathes lightly into that perfect ear, "And I won't let anyone hurt you.." even as he slowly begins to set up a slow rhythm against Duo's hips, stoking the fire of their desire once more.

"Not even you?" the reply is considering, yet light, so joyful.

"No, not even me..." and he kisses the mouth once more before working his way down the slope of Duo's jaw, then across the long neck, bent to allow him access. He is working his way, inexorably, toward what Duo has evidenced, unsure of how to go about this. But needing to try.  
  
Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder and a prick of cold. "Here.." a gasp as his tongue lathes the cup of Duo's navel. "Here!" insistence. Hiro looks up and smirks, taking from Duo's grasp the KY that Duo must keep by his bed for whatever purposes or lovers, Hiro does not care. There will be only one purpose and only one lover from this moment on.

He places a generous amount in his palm and runs it over his fingers. Then trailing fingers over Duo's desire, he fists his hand and brings it fully, hot and certain, upon the length that is begging for touch. As his hand works, his lips nibble at Duo's thigh and stomach. Then a groan and Duo arches. Fearful he's missed his chance, Hiro stops, pulling away and Duo screams in agony. "NO! Anh.. keep.. keep going... "

A small smile curves the lips above Duo and Hiro looks down at his lover as he climbs back above him, not touching despite the fact that Duo seeks repeatedly to press his hips upwards. "No, something better... something better, my sweet.." his low voice drawls out in an infuriating manner, one which Duo can only moan in response to.

Hiro drops his mouth and curving his back, hovers above Duo as he kisses those panting lips, waiting for Duo to come down just slightly from the high he is too close to. Just watching him is almost enough for Hiro and he can barely contain himself. Then, sure that the pair of them are able to last longer than two seconds, he reaches underneath his body and with his slickened hand, grabs Duo's arousal and growls out, "Hiro.."

Duo's eyes open wide. "What?"  
  
"My name... it's..." and he lowers himself slowly upon Duo's aching body.

"HIIIIIIRRROOOOO!" The sound all the more beautiful that it is Duo's voice calling his name.

- Owari -

x x x x x

Howe's Boi sits back with a groan and pops an aching back. "There..." a soft smile as the file is sent. "Just for you, Kittin. I hope you like it." Then, chewing on a lower lip, Howe stands up and heads to the bathroom to get ready for work.

* * *

((Hee hee. Hope you like it! I'm not entirely sure about the ratings. I think this is okay for a 17 year old, which is the age which is appropriate. But if not, please let me know and I can certainly tame it down. )) 


	10. Crushing on Howe

((_Hey all! Sorry for the wait. I've been fighting off the pneumonia bugglies. Glad this hit during vacation! I think I might have lost every single vacation day I had in the year's bank otherwise! Back and writing again though! _

_  
Warnings: yaoi, please don't read unless you know what that word means! _

_Summary: Oi! Duo's reading/writing GW fan fiction. _

_And Anissa! You are just on top of it! my goodness, I'm groveling at your feet for all the positive strokes here. Thank you! _

_Ahanchan: Hee hee. I'll bet it's nervous laughter. Shall we see if we can get him just a bit more nervous? [evil writer grin]_

_Earthgurl: [Swoon] I'm so glad you liked it!!! heh heh, but then, there's always room for a little goofy, nonrealistic smoochiness, isn't there? _

_On with the show!_ ))

* * *

Crushing on Howe

Quatre had, at one time, known when to let things go. He'd had something nearing tact, had been sweet about it all, really. He'd never have thought to put a friend into a position of complete, total, and devastating humiliation. And while a slip up or two, now and again, is acceptable, living around Duo as long as he had, the constant barrage of quips and queries was really starting to become wearing for the victim of Quatre's new talent of turning on his teacher and making him sweat, turn red, and get a nose bleed.

It began of course, with the first fic that Quatre had written. He had no compunction about which pairing to use or not use. Rather, he was very open to all and tried them out, beginning with Duo and himself. Of course one couldn't say that the Quatre that Quat wrote of, was even remotely like him(self) but the sentiment was enough to make Duo have to shut his eyes and hide the fact he had night terrors for three nights after. It was nice, in the end, how Quat had settled on Trowa and Wufei, a tribute in a way, to the actual pair in their group. And Trowa and Wufei didn't seem too upset either. Still, those first few!

Then of course, Quatre had guessed by simple deduction on Howard's Boi's reviews, who exactly Duo was. (Quat said that it really hadn't been that difficult - and Duo had to reluctantly agree, he was terrible at hiding himself when he was trying to BE himself.) And from there on out, it was reviews and cute remarks at the dinner table, and a nice shot in the arm of revealing to everyone else that Duo was writing fictions about himself and a fictional Heero (or Hiro, really - if Duo was honest with himself - Heero wouldn't have half the passion that Hiro did, not that he would want the real Heero to have that! Because he was straight and all).

Of course, Duo got back.

To begin with, a good reading of a fiction by Quatre that left everyone staring in astonishment at the blonde haired, red faced ex-pilot; one in which Quatre and Trowa were doing things that Wufei admitted later to having never even considered doing to his lover. And then to rub it in, Duo had left a few bondage apparatus laying about for Quat to find, here and there. Even a nice ball gag for Christmas, but that present wasn't opened yet, because they had two weeks yet before Christmas. Still, Duo showed the gag to Heero (the real one) and could swear there was an odd gleam of delight and something almost.. dangerous, in the other pilot's eye.

Then of course, there was the constant dares the pair of them made to one another. Quatre's last had been for Duo to write a TreizexDuo fic, which Duo'd gagged through but wrote. And in retaliation, Duo had insisted on Quatre doing a Sally death fic (a little on the mean side, but heck! Treize?), knowing that Sally was given some fondness from the small Arabian. Quat pulled it off beautifully. And had punched Duo upon seeing him again. The dares ended there, because no one wanted to see Quatre give Duo a black eye again and Duo was averse to breaking the blonde's nose again after so many years of keeping Quat safe from himself.

The teasing about Hiro and Duo fictions and Quat's bondage tendencies remained however. Much to the consternation (and later amusement) of the other pilots.

And at the Winner Foundation Charity Dinner that night, things were going to get worse. But then, that would be getting ahead of myself, wouldn't it?

[] [] [] []

Duo wasn't one for black tie affairs. He mussed with his bowtie and sighed, staring out at the dance floor, empty yet, despite the swing band traipsing music through the hall. And, as he expected, Quatre's hand grabbed his forearm once again.

"Duo, you really don't have to wear it," his blonde friend's smile had an edge on it that ought to have meant something but didn't, really. On the other side of Quatre, Heero lifted his glance from the laptop he was currently busy on to glance over at Duo and give him a quiet frown of warning.

"Nah," Duo answered with a shrug and a half cocked grin, "S'okay, Quat. I'm not gonna die or nuthin. Hell, walked around with a priest's collar for years, should be able to put up with a stupid bow for an evening, right?" He had thought for a moment to take Quatre up on the offer to just half strip right here, or at least drag off the offending tie, and thought better about it - and not because of Heero's frown, that man had no social skills at all! How would he know what to do? Beside they were in public and there was, despite his wish to the contrary, something of an image to uphold, actually. His decision must have been the right one as well, judging from the happy smile beamed back at him from the slender Arabian man. "'Sides, I break convention enough with m'hair, don'cha think?" and the pair of them laugh some.

"I think there hasn't been a convention made to hold you, Duo," Quatre grinned.

"Convention and Duo?" Trowa's quiet humor was a good sound to hear as the tall, debonair pilot ushered his date, an equally handsome chinese pilot in a white tuxedo with a blood red waist sash to the table. "The two shall ne'er meet, I'm afraid."  
  
"Coming from Mr. Mom, that is pretty damn hurtful, Tro!" Duo's verbal attack meant nothing and there was no chill in the hug the pair shared, nor in that which he gave to Wufei who stiffly returned the touch.

Familial hugs were somewhat new to them all, yet even Heero rose to embrace Trowa and Wufei after their arrival. Another of Trowa's ideas, something about the five of them being a different kind of family, but a family nevertheless. And how they should get used to being in contact in some other way than fighting and killing and simply surviving. As there were some in their group (namely Wufei and Heero) who were particularly distrustful of the world in their personal space, it was a good place to begin to train them to accept the nearness of others more readily. Of course, Duo had pointed out that he'd been "training them" from the get go, considering he'd hugged them from the beginning. Though he didn't come completely clean on the why's of it, exactly.

Hell, he'd even gotten a hug or two from Heero upon coming home that he hadn't had to instigate. That was some damn fine Trowa progress.

Settling into their chairs, the five bantered about (well, four, since Heero had been given an emergency run through, though he promised it wouldn't be more than twenty minutes of work before he'd be free to join them) before dinner came. It was one of those twelve course deals that left Duo frothing at the mouth and declaring that his world would never be the same. Though he wasn't sixteen any longer and he couldn't pack it away as well, he still managed to have seconds on his favorite dishes (a demand which left the kitchen in an uproar) and to declare when it was at Round Seven, that he would have to be rolled out the door, but he'd die before he stopped!

"Might just do that," was the chuckle from the other side of Quatre.  
  
"Hee-chan? You hiding behind our sweet innocent baby? Naughty boy!" Duo shook his finger around Quatre's face. "And I will not die from overeating, though I might just cough up a hair ball or something on your bed tonight!"

"Hair ball?" was a soft query from Wufei, having lost the conversational train.

"Duo's just making Duo-sense again," Quatre replied.

"Do too make sense!" Duo frowned at his friend then glared at the deep, blue-eyed face peeking around Quatre to grin at him. Not Heero's mouth, but his eyes. Because one thing about Heero was that his eyes did a lot of his talking for him. "Okay, so maybe that was silly. I'm tired though, stayed up all night last night, practically."

"Why?" Quatre's eyes lighting up in surprise. "Another really good read?"

"Grah.... Stuck my foot in it this time, huh?" Duo mentally did a Stupid Duo Dance to remind himself to beware of a happy Quatre, which this one was.

"Certainly did! Up to the knee, I'm afraid," was the chuckle from Trowa as he leaned back, waiting on Round Eight and tucking his arm along the back of Wufei's chair, rubbing his thumb across Wufei's upper arm in a fond, nonchalant manner of contentment.

Watching the comfort between the two, Duo winced. Damn, would be nice, huh? Duo was on the lookout though for the way his pen had been cropping up lately and he quickly closed that door, wary of any others as he waded into the uncertainty of his new passion. "Okay, okay, yeah. Got a few good ones. I'll email the links to you, Quat, kay? Where's Numero Eighto?"

"Not here yet, which author?" Quatre interrupted Duo's attempt to change the subject.

"You guys are no help," Duo glared around the table at the amused glances his way before giving Quatre an equally despondent glare. "Howe, kay?.. Can we change the subject, already?" Why the hell was his face getting red?

Quatre's squeal of delight was something which might have led anyone to believe he was truly as innocent as he seemed. But the gleam in that light blue gaze was leading Duo to believe he might be going to the Grrrotic Shoppe for some more bondage stuff for Christmas for Quat. Forget the pocket held pool table, Blondie was going down.

"Oh no! Oh, no.. I love the interaction between the two of you! You really have it bad!" Quatre's gleam wasn't, Duo realized too late, dangerous. It was downright lethal. It was that happy 'world is gonna be roses' gleam which meant Quatre was on a mission of something ideal and stupid and which would, in the end, leave Duo gagging with either buttery sweet cuteness, or be just flat out embarrassed as hell.

Of course, that is about the time when the "have it bad" comment sinks in and Duo coughs on his water. "Have... what?" his eyes wide. "Quat!" a croak as he reached for his napkin, but it was too late, even putting out his hand to stop the thin pilot, his arm just didn't seem long enough, nor fast enough to stop the end from coming.

"Have it bad?" the question from Heero and then a grunt of confusion from across the table. Even Trowa didn't have the decency to feel badly for Duo and was exhibiting a show of interest, leaning forward with his gaze on their Innocent.

"Oh you remember the story we read last time? The time Duo came clean with what he was reading."  
  
Duo choked. "I - I wasn't trying to come CLEAN!!!' But his cry went unheeded.

"The one without any plot.." Trowa's rumble had a promise of a repeat and Duo had presence of mind enough to move his soup bowl which had just arrived, before he thunked his forehead against the table.

"Don't hurt yourself," Quatre's cloth napkin went in between Duo and the table on the second bang and the long haired pilot leaned back in agony. "You know, you could just tell them, yourself. I - I don't mean to make you look like an.."

"But you're doing such a good job at it," Duo couldn't help the snide cut in his voice. And Duo instantly felt badly for Quatre, paling and looking miserably down at his hands wrenched in his lap. "Ah... shit, Quat." Of course, Quat, on his idealism rant, hadn't stopped to think how a street rat might take all the gushy, lovey dovey stuff. With a sigh, Duo draped his arm around the blonde's shoulders and gave a self deprecating grin. "So what Quat's talking about, is just that I wish I could find someone who has... I dunno, the soul, maybe? That this writer does. She's just... amazing. She does this shit with her writing that seems stupid, but it's so damned tender."  
  
"She? You know now?" Wufei's steel trap mind caught that pronoun.

"Nah, but I'm guessing, seeing as how like, ninety percent of them are girls. But damn, I'd go bi, if she was a guy, just cause..." Duo was surprised how easily the words came from him and with a blush he let go of Quatre's shoulders and reached for his water. "Anyway.." mumbling into his glass, he refused to look up at the silent table.  
  
Dammit. One thing to joke about it on the internet. Quite a different thing to say it aloud to your best friends.

A low laugh cut the sense of cold running down Duo's back and he looked up to see the kind eyes of their Momma Hen on him. "So," Trowa said finally, "you figured that the gender didn't matter so much as the heart? Not bad, Duo. You might just grow up."  
  
"Dunno if wanting to shag a guy is grown up," Duo was relieved to drop into a joking air. "I just recognize that there's more to it all than a couple of bumps on top or bottom."

Trowa's smile grew. "Do you want to shag a guy?" using Duo's words and probing just a bit.

Duo wasn't sure if he could turn redder if he was a stop light. "No! It's not like that! It's an emotional thing. You know... kinda like something that doesn't have to do with ... ah hell.. I can't... " But could he, if he ever found someone like that, shag them, no matter the gender? The question shook some deep beliefs in his soul that he'd never considered before and he could feel reality slip just a little to the right.

"Duo.. I'm.. I'm so sorry.." Quatre, taking the panicked look on his friend's face personally. "I didn't know that I was going t-"

"Hey! Quat, chill kid. See? I'm okay!" Duo swallowed the chill and gave his friend a huge mega watt Joker Mask grin. "Just got me thinkin' kay? So don't you worry your pretty lil' head over it," and he tousled the blonde, perfectly set hair until it broke free of it's coiffure and released Quatre's returning smile.

"There's nothing little about me," Quatre laughed, and to be sure, it was true enough. There really wasn't any more. Still, it was a sure fire way to get them all laughing and on another subject.

Still, Duo was preoccupied for the remainder of the evening and when it was time to leave, he hadn't managed to cut up the dance floor and toss it around to all the pretty gals in need of a good time, nor had he really paid all that much attention to the "sermon" that the board members had put on for their guests. And he was silent when he got into the car and, letting Heero drive because he'd drunk a few glasses of wine, waited for his friend to pull out of the lot and onto the road.

After some time, Duo felt the need to break their usual quiet with something besides music. It was a half hour drive, plenty of time for talk or music or... what have you. "Heero?"

"Mm?" Why was that sound Heero made so comforting? It meant that Heero was listening, though Duo hadn't always known that. He'd come to realize it some years later, to realize that Heero listened to them all. That he was quiet because he was always attending to what the rest of them were saying. It scared Duo in a way, because it left him feeling that maybe Heero knew more about them, about him, than he even did himself. And he didn't want anyone to know more about him than he did.

"About what we were talking about," Duo began, not sure just where to pick up the conversation. Yet there was that waiting silence and he was compelled to enter it and fill it. "About bisexuality and all that. I mean, this is gonna sound weird and all that. So just punch me if I'm being stupid or something, because I know how it is when I get stupid. I just... just say stupid shit that I can't - can't believe that I said that about wanting to shag a guy. I swear if I was any dumber I woulda- OW!" and he pulled back, rubbing his upper arm with a scowl.

"You were acting stupid," Heero's reply after he returned his attention to replace his hand on the steering wheel and continue focusing on the road.

"You hit too hard." Duo grumbled.

"I try to," Heero's smile could be heard though it was barely visible on his face. "Okay, so can you ask your question in twenty words or less?" He'd learned this approach worked well for Duo who was, in the end, a huge perfectionist and would never break the number barrier if it was given him. Even if it meant to ask only half of the question. Still, it would be the important half.

"Errr.. yeah.." Duo frowned, staring out the window, trying to line up his thoughts in order of priority. What was he asking, exactly?

"Do you... " he began and halted a moment, taking a breath, "... think I'm... gay? Or bisexual!" he added the last quickly.

Duo almost broke the silence again, waiting for Heero's answer. Why had he asked it like that? There were so many other ways to ask! But then, it was what he wanted to know, actually. He took a breath, meaning to take it back when Heero finally spoke, slowly, as if he chose each word from some far distant place, dimly remembered.

"Let me take you through this, okay? Because I'm not sure it's that easy for you, Duo. We've been through a lot of damaging moments in our lives that could very well impact our ability to have a relationship with anyone, let along choose the gender." Heero's words had the quiet of a lecture, yet soft enough to not frighten. It was one of the things they'd enjoyed discovering about Heero when he finally chose to open his mouth and be more than Mr. Self Destruct if I Can't Blow it Up. "So, first, considering that we had had a hard time where trust was not just a matter of keeping our hearts safe, but a matter of keeping our bodies alive and the fate of the colonies as well. There is quite a bit more needed than for most before we can trust someone with even the smallest of details we find important, is this correct?"

"You ask that like you know the answer," Duo quipped and then grinned, leaning back. "Kinda. I mean, I'm pretty open with tmost people, and even more open with the other writers online. But then, they don't know who I am." And following the line of reasoning, he finally nodded. "Yeah, I guess trust is something that I need to know a hell of a lot before I give it. I give a good semblance of it, though!" by way of excuse for himself though the grin wasn't real enough and both he and Heero knew it. It was painful, having to hide all the time, even after the time of hiding was over.

"Aa.." Heero nodded in acceptance. "Therefore, trust being a basis for commitment. One must trust before one becomes loyal to another human being in a strong relationship such as is dreamt about when it comes to general mankind. So I guess the question would be, Duo, do you want to have such a commitment? If you do, then trust is of utmost importance."

"Yeah... I understand. And yeah, I guess I do," Duo smirked. "I mean, dating's fun and all? But it's not doing anyone any good, really. 'Cause I'm no good at going further than the first few dates. Just figured I was a particularly bad commitment phobe, ya know?"

"I don't think you are particularly bad, considering where you've been, Duo." Heero's calm voice answered him, the voice of reason.

"You afraid of commitment?" Duo asked, afraid almost to do so. What if he was alone in all of this?  
  
"Yes and no. I'm committed to the four of you. I'm committed to a cause for peace now that we're done. I'm committed to my job and to my schooling. And I'm committed to making myself a better person than I was designed and trained to be, with a higher purpose. But in the way of a relationship outside of the four of you? I'm afraid I'll never be able to commit myself." Heero was plain spoken and quiet and Duo could feel the sadness from Heero's words as well as feel the sense of relief rushing through his own body.

"Yeah, amen to that. Not that I knew you were.. you know, committed to all that shit. But I think I am too. Just not as focused as you are, maybe?" Duo wasn't sure. What did he have to prove anyway?

Heero only laughed and turned the car to the right, passing off of the highway onto the main streets. "No, Duo. You're focused. You are focused in the way a compass is focused. You point in all directions yet you're always where you are, no matter where you face. You are true to yourself, even in hiding from yourself, and your commitment and loyalty, albeit far more broad than mine, is what led me to want to do the same thing. I do not think that having a different way of doing things, a different style, is the same thing as lacking focus or direction."

"Ahh.. sure.." What was Duo supposed to say to that, anyway?

Sensing Duo's confusion, Heero was quick to move back into their initial conversation. "Therefore, if you want that depth of relationship with another, and you have a lack of trust that is, invariably, something that will never go away, considering your childhood and then your teen experiences with the war and the rest of us, I guess the last question is this. With so few people you may ever truly trust in your life, will it matter what gender that person is when you find them?"

Duo sat back and stared out the window, allowing the question to settle and didn't reply. But then, Heero didn't press him either. And the rest of the drive was completed in the silence of consideration.

Getting out of the car, Duo hesitated, staring up the steps that led to their dorm. Here, in the college parking lot, he felt almost otherworldly, the lights flooding the black plain upon which he stood, time standing still just for him, holding its breath just for him, for death, for the danger that had been him and was always going to be him. He never would fully shuck the skin he'd put on while he lived on the streets with Solo, never truly be free from the past of killing, the blood on his hands and the blood he'd seen spilled. "I..."

It was just one word, but Heero turned at the edge of the lot and returned to him, the cobalt blue a dark shadow now as the other pilot carefully wrapped Duo in his arms.

Duo only cried for a short time. There simply had been enough tears shed and he occasionally felt the need to clean out various closets he'd left stuffed with memories, some forgotten, some remembered but not thought about yet. But as always, Heero was there. This was where the fiction did not touch, could not touch. "I think.." he was able to say moments after the silent snuffles had passed, but he did not pull away and Heero remained, listening without watching, his chin atop Duo's hair, "that I want Howard's Boi.. that writer, to see that I'm not damaged. That I'm not broken. So that I can be real like all the rest of them. All the rest of -"

Quatre would have told him he was real. Trowa would have let him know that he could be real. Wufei would have scoffed at the idea, saying it was dishonorable to think of what they'd done as something to get rid of. But Heero only held him. Because Duo knew that Heero was the same in ways. They were so much the same, speaking in silences what they'd never put into words.

But Duo wasn't one for silences and he attacked the closet in his mind with a vengeance once more. "When I grew up... on the streets, Solo was my guard. He saved me. You know all this shit. But what you don't know, is that when I met you all, I wanted so badly to make you guys leave me. I wanted you all to treat me like I was street scum, like I didn't exist. Leave me alone because everyone else had left me alone. Because... because Solo never left me alone. So.. So I was as obnoxious as I knew how to be. I just.. I didn't..."  
  
"A test," Heero's voice was soft in Duo's ear and the resulting sob from the long haired man gave occasion for Heero's arms to tighten around his friend who only nodded in mute agony.

"Only.." Duo gasped, after gaining control again, "You passed. Each one of you. You treated me like shit, but I was your shit to treat like that. Quatre...damn.. he always tried so hard to be friends, even when I hurt him. And Wufei wanted to leave, but his honor bound him to me, cause we fought together. Tr-Trowa, fuck.. he just was there, you know? He.. he never let me fall, even when he did. And you... " here again, Duo's body clenched in pain and Heero's arms closed him more deeply inside that protective circle. Sometimes it was the only way any of them could say such things, in that place of safety provided by one of the others. "Fuck, Hee-chan. You hated me, or you... you acted like it. But you nev- never left me. You nev-never died on me. You n-never for-for-forgot me.. Dammit! Why can't I stop crying!?" and wildly, Duo pushed away from Heero, allowed to go and stumble back, brushing at his eyes to dry them and growling at his lack of strength. There was, in the end, only so much weakness anyone could stand to show, even to someone that they trusted with their very soul, their heart, their ... everything.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep that brought that in, maybe it was the friggin' pen which Duo was constantly having to put away that caused the thought to come in, maybe it was just that it was time or he'd drunk too much. Whatever it was, however, the idea of trusting Heero so completely left Duo breathless and he stood, staring at his friend who waited, like a patient stone of safety and love before him, hands slightly out to the side and a look of quiet in the dark blue eyes. As it was, Duo could not be blamed wholly for the cry he gave. The words wrenched from him, "Oh 'Ro.. I'm.. I'm so - so sorry!" and neither knew just exactly what he was apologizing for, not even afterwards. But the plaintive note was enough to make Heero take a step forward and for Duo to meet him with a flying leap, wrapping his arms around his friend's neck; not aware of the whys of it, pressing his lips upon Heero's parted mouth, as the other pilot prepared to speak.

It was a grappling of arms, legs, lips, intense and momentary and... and... and...

Perfect.

But then, perfection can't last, can it? Duo stumbled back, staring in shock at his friend, his body shaking, his mind reeling and trying to catch up with the rest of him after having been left behind to instinct, and need, and just the purity of something that defied definition. Duo wasn't sure what to think, staring at Heero who only managed to stare back, pale faced in the artificial light of the parking lot, his blue eyes wide like bruises on his face. What emotion was on that face Duo feared to try and guess. Stepping back once more, he soundlessly turned and darted away, running as if the very gates of Oz's hells were at his heels.

Long after Duo's footsteps had left the gravel path leading from the parking lot and headed south toward midtown, Heero remained, staring into the dark with an unreadable expression on his face. Lifting his hand to touch his lower lip, he found upon the contact, that he was trembling.

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((_EEEE! Oh I hope it came out okay! Review and all, eh? Not sure how the romance-ish stuff is coming off, but I hope it's serving well enough. Forgive tense like stuff and any mistakes. I'm a non- betaed writah and I'm too sick to worry about it yet. I'll be editing latah_. )) 


	11. Never Did Do Morning Afters

_((Okay! Another one! Wheee! I'm having so much fun with this story. Still fighting sicklies. Pneumonia is a kicker, let me tell you. Do'nt be messing with your lungs if they start to complain! It's bad news.  
_

_Warning! Yaoi! Don't know what it is? Don't read it, kay? _

_Okaysie! Anissa!!!! Ya gonna post any fics? I'm dying to read your stuff and it's all "No fics for YOU" whenever I click on your name. And yeah.. I really have this soft spot for an introspective Heero. I like him hard and dumb as a rock too, but I prefer him with some brains in that amazingly smart head of his, and it seems to me that in order for him to be as good as he is at soldiering, he would have had to have powerful observational and mimcry skills. Thus - learning how to be human all on his little lonesome. Awe, but don'tcha just wanna take him home and cuddle him? _

_Sara-chan: Hee hee! You're tempting me! I want to keep Heero a secret somewhat though, in this fic. I wish I could give him the spotlight, and it would ruin my ending if I gave in. BUT, I think I'll let stuff show every now and then, fair enough?_

_Earthgurl: Hee hee. You think Tyrin's having a tough time! Mr. Heeseman here, has just about promised to murder me in my sleep if I don't let him out. He's having to put up with all of the internal ramblings as the muses go. (I think I'm down to two, he blasted one after she suggested something about roses and vanilla pudding - don't ask) I'm so glad you liked it, honey! Whee! _

_Okay, enough of the author prattles. On to the show, eh? ))  
_

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Never Did Do "Morning-Afters"

The dream wasn't bad this time. He only turned a few times on his side before waking. But instead of going to sleep, Heero remained on his back, staring at the ceiling and listening to the silence. Yet it was a silence not complete, for covering it, like a dawn filled haze, was the gentle typing on a keyboard. He turned his head, propping his temple into his palm and stared across the small dorm room at the bent over figure there. Some considering glance passed the figure to dance on the screen.

"Writing?" he finally murmured into the darkness. Strange, to feel comfortable with darkness.

The lateness of the hour, combined with a fervent need to throw something out into the world by which he might consider what had just happened, conspired to leave Duo unaware of his roommate's awareness until that soft word. It hurt, the comfort that came with that one word. There was no judgment, no condemnation, no questions, no demands, no desires in it. No - nothing but the indomitable experience of knowing Heero and his quiet way of living life.

Had he never truly understood until this moment, the truth of Heero? That despite Duo's attempts to be real, to live his life fully, to generate enough joy and madness to mix in with the normal world, it was Heero who had come to transcend the rush for reality and form his own version of it. Heero who had, no matter the austere beginnings of his life, managed to carve out a place solely for his self, one that fit as closely as a glove fits a hand. All this time Duo had thought that maybe Heero was following him, needed him. But now, the thought came that perhaps, it had been the other way around. Maybe he had been following Heero. It wasn't Heero's nightmares that needed someone around to trust. Heero could handle them all on his own. He didn't need Duo. Perhaps he might have before, but he didn't need him any longer. Heero was complete now. And in the end, it was Duo who had been trying to keep Heero close, even so far as to hound him when they were apart, to call him once every few days when they didn't live near one another, to open doors and beckon, because it wasn't the dreams Duo had to fight, but the real life nightmare of living a life not fully human.

But then, such thoughts were the product of late nights and confusion that he simply wasn't equipped to think too deeply on this late in the day, night... whatever.

Still, despite not knowing Heero was awake, Duo wasn't surprised at the voice, for it fit into the workings of the early morning. Heero fit into the workings of everything. And that was a thought for another time as well. So Duo turned a mega watt grin on with a flick of a switch, found the breakers were not functional, and managed a grey sort of smile instead as he leaned back and tucked his loose hair back over his shoulder while looking at Heero's form, half muddled by the blanket tucked around his chest and pooling at his legs. "Yeah.. Guess I just had to... ah.."

"Work things out." Heero's quiet kept to the heavy silence left after Duo had stopped typing.

"Do you have to do that?" Duo was surprised at the shortness of his tone. Annoyance rising in his chest like a painful squeeze. "Do you have to always finish my sentences? Do you have to always know so damn much? Do you have to act like you've got all the fuckin' answers and... and.." who was yelling? He sat back down, unaware he'd stood up, and unclenched his fists, staring at them where they sat, lifeless on his bare thigh, fingers curled upwards like leaves just fallen. A knock on the wall was the warning to shut up and he took a deep, steadying breath. When had this all slipped out of his grasp?

He remained, looking down, even when there was the familiar rustle of blankets and the soft pad pad of bare feet on the concrete flooring. Heero didn't stop at his side though, but continued on, to the small fridge they kept just inside their shared closet. A snap of a door open, then closed, and the clink of bottles against one another. When the beer was placed next to his keyboard, Duo grinned true this time.

Heero pulled up a chair and settling next to Duo, leaned in. "So, you feel up to sharing?"

[] [] [] []

Truth be told, there was something of a relief in showing the fictions to Heero. Because the Hiro in the stories was close to real and yet wasn't real enough. To have the true thing looking over his copy and smiling, even laughing at times, was a way of freeing up his pen and letting it dance into fantasy without marring the reality any longer. Thing was, he was surprised to find, that the stories had garnered some lasting power of secrecy and shadow which they needn't have had. True, Duo wondered at times when Heero would get too quiet, because he thought it was better when Heero was amused by it all and he feared the thoughts lurking in that pensive silence, but for the most part, reading the things he had placed down on paper (even if it was electronic paper) drew all things into the light and left them withering, showing themselves to be a wasted, shadow of the reality that truly was.

Heero had a discerning eye as well as a good hand for commentary. It was nice to hear compliments directed at what he'd done well, while at the same time given some thoughts on how he might have done something differently. That Heero would have such an ability was not a surprise in the least. The man was a computer with a human body for the most part. But then, that was why he managed while Duo didn't. That was why he didn't care while Duo did. That was why...

That was why he was complete and Duo was still broken.

A bittersweet moment, that. Duo watched his friend reading through another one-shot about Trowa and Wufei, and found his mind, without the excuse afforded by the mental author's pen, swallowing the sight of Heero's profile with a hunger he hadn't known he could have, let alone contain. Didn't he have every cell of Heero's structure memorized by now? It had been years and he'd studied his friend often enough, learning the subtle differences between sounds and an arch of the brow or a quick quirk of the mouth. The sensation had nothing of the fierce ache that had taken him into Heero's arms only a few precious hours before. Rather it had a comforting pang that he could identify and hold in the cup of his hands, watching it squirm and wriggle in the warmth of his palms. Such a strange, powerful creature it proved to be. He could sense its ability to tear at the very soul and yet, surrounding it, was something far greater, far more powerful, something that he'd noticed just moments after setting fire to Heero's lips with the spark from his own. Had the emotion had a corporeal form, it might have seemed much like a hard cased worm with a mouth by which it could swallow kingdoms entirely and be hungry for more. And around it, as if made strong by it, a light, all encompassing, casting no shadows but lifting what is in shadow to sight, as calm as the ocean and as deep though it might have seemed but a small thin veil over the hunger it held. It made the hunger incapable of harming anything, even himself. And it tinged the world about it with something that ranged from sadness to joy, both inciting tears to the eye.

How could one put such simple words such as Lust and Love to things that were so much more than that? Yet lust it was that drove him to stare and love it was that held him back, patient to wait and see what might come next. That he even had such an extent of need for another human being should have shocked him. But then, hadn't he always _ had_ Heero to begin with? Though Heero didn't need him, they pair of them were together as a single unit in their own way. If this did not lead to a completion of some suffering sexual desire, what mattered that? He had the rest. He had Heero's laughter, his calmness, his quiet passion (for Heero was a man of passions, though they followed guidelines and did not rush out to meet the more flaring passions of Duo), his friendship, and his love. Just as he had the same for all the rest of his friends - his small family. He could not say that he loved any one of them best. And but for the desire spiking at this moment, Heero was no greater a force in his life than say, Trowa or Quat or Wufei.

Duo's mind spun at implications of something so deep he couldn't begin to unravel it, and - wisely - he chose to leave it to itself. To join Heero in the readings and laughter and somber silences, and that was that.

It was seven when they finished with most, though not the one Duo had written for Howe, that Heero promised to read another time. And Duo sat back with a grin and picked up the empty bottles, taking them out to the recycling bin outside the dorm, his hair sliding across his back like cooled water, pressed by a passing breeze. He stopped on the way back in, leaning against the door jamb and staring out over the parking lot down the stairs and a bit to the right of the dumpsters. Strange, that moment seemed so ethereal. He wasn't sure he could quite grasp the meaning behind it, no matter that his heart was calm in where it stood. It seemed to him that all of this should make some kind of alien sense. But he was too human to understand it. Did he love Heero? Of course. He loved them all. How could he not? The desire was a surprise, but in the context of someone he trusted so completely, it wasn't as frightening as he'd supposed it would be when he'd finally crept back to the dorm room, not knowing what he could have said to Heero had his roomie been awake. But then, Heero hadn't been awake and Duo had spent a good two hours writing his thoughts into some order so that by the time for the confrontation, there was nothing left to confront.

It was chilly here, but not cold. Christmas close by and some people had lights worked in with the plants on their balconies. The sun would remind them of greater warmth in a few hours and Duo's skin wouldn't be able to hold even a single goose pimple. So he was comfortable enough to cross his arms and watch the wind brush the tops of trees and some of the earlier classes file into the almost deserted college town streets toward UECU five blocks down.

"Duo Maxwell... why what is it about this scene that will keep me up tonight?" the teasing words and a brush of skin on his arm turned him about. The RA, a nice girl two years their younger, smiled at him, her hair swept back from her brow and her brown eyes dancing. She was a plain enough girl, but far more pretty in his estimation than the cookie cutter, copy cat, bronzed, big breasted girls wandering around with their sleek hair and perfectly done make up. This girl, instead, seemed comfortable enough with going bare faced but for the smile. It wasn't that he quickly let people in, but he'd found he held a special place for her easy company. Though it was not even close to the blood like bonds he felt for his fellow ex-pilots.

"Hey Nadine," he tucked an arm around her and then pushed her away as she started to run her hand up his chest. "Hands off, babes. This merchandise is pawned off. Can't be paying for it if it gets damaged."

She laughed. "You asked for it, walking around in your boxers and hugging strange, hormonal women. Didn't they teach you anything in the war?"

Perhaps that was another reason he liked her. She didn't pull any punches, either. "Nah. Not about women, unfortunately. It was all about how to break heads and draw blood.. you know how it is." He hated the self deprecation he could hear in the words he was saying.

She seemed to hear it too, because she frowned and punched him lightly in the arm. "Don't be an idiot."  
  
"Ow!" he grimaced, rubbing his arm. "You're the second person in less than twelve hours who has done that to me."  
  
"What? Punched you? You been getting into bar brawls again?"

"No... hit me in the arm and called me stupid." He laughed.

"Ah, but I called you an idiot, not stupid. There's a difference." She would have quibbled with him but curiosity won out. "What'd you do to the person who called you stupid?"

If there was ever anything like a full body blush, he would have been sporting it. "Kissed them."

She arched a brow and grinned. "Damn, should beat you up more often if that's what I'd get in return. C'mere, I've always needed a punching bag with a libido."

"Ah bite yerself, Nadine.." he gave her a slight shove. "Don't you have class?"

"Mmm.. yep!" she was all smile now. "But I don't think I've ever heard of someone kissing someone who called them stupid. Who was it?" Then at his silence her face turned crafty. "Isabelle? Was it her? I know she was complaining about how you weren't putting out, but -"  
  
"No!" he almost shouted it, aghast at the concept of girls sitting around talking about his ability to "put out."

"I'm joking, Duo." Nadine ran her hand into her hair again because it was still drying apparently, and then tucked it behind an ear. "So no go on who it is, eh? Well, that's okay. But I'll figure it out, never you mind. I want pointers. I've been trying to get a good smack of the lips off of you ever since you showed."

"Ha ha.." he intoned and leaning forward, kissed her cheek. "There, that's for the punch. I'm gonna go back to bed. Think I'm gonna be sick today."

"Augh! A kiss on the cheek. Why does that not strike true? I think you gave the other person far more than me! It's an injustice I tell you!"

"Awe, go practice law or something!" he chuckled, watching her dance down the steps.

"They wouldn't let me in! Said I was too opinionated. I've had to go for anthropology instead!" and with a wink, she was gone.

After she left he remained a few minutes more. He simply had too many questions and too many answers and nothing to connect them up with. He'd lived in his emotions so long that he figured his intuitive powers were something that led a separate life from the rest of him. Yet his ability to put the emotions into a prioritized list left him confused most of the time. He simply couldn't make it through the emotions on his own. But then, Heero wasn't really offering to help and he wasn't sure he wanted to go at it so directly. He preferred to leave that kiss to the dream world it seemed to reside in. The last thing he needed was something real and that powerful in his life. It would upset the entire palace of cards he'd erected around himself.

The room smelled of beer and maleness when he closed the door behind him, looking over at Heero's bed, made with clothing folded atop it, awaiting their owner. Heero was nowhere to be seen and his shower caddy was gone. So the Perfect Soldier was going to school, buzzing and exhausted. Why wasn't he surprised? Nor was he surprised when Heero entered in his towel, looking as fresh as he might have before a mission.

"Anyone tell you that you're not human?" Duo groaned as he lay back into bed, covering his face with the pillow.

"All the time.." came the retort, a common one to Duo's common complaint. At least it wasn't a grunt though. That was good, wasn't it?

Still, something was just.. _off_ somehow. Duo shuddered and tucked his feet up so that his knees formed a human pair of mountains, and stared sidelong from under the pillow. Heero dressed with his back to Duo and there wasn't anything about the play of muscle on the shoulders and back thighs that Duo didn't already know by heart. But it didn't seem to change the fact that something coiled hot and heavy in his gut and left him uncomfortable to the point of wanting to jump up and go for a long hard run, leaving behind everything that even smelled like Heero. Still, that long brand of heat wasn't enough to dispell the nervousness that he couldn't lose. They hadn't exactly talked about what had happened and Duo wasn't about to bring up the topic. But this morning after stuff was getting pretty damn old and while things were repaired to an extent with the late night and the beers and the reading of those night borne fictions and fantasies, there was something that he wasn't so sure about.

Heero slipped his shirt over his back, the bunching and lengthening of muscles at his lower back running smooth as under currents against his skin. Then he bent over, gathering keys, some loose change, and a watch from his side table and depositing the first two into his pocket while the last is latched onto his wrist. It was a tradition, without change, this way that Heero readied himself for the day. Next was an energy bar and a piece of precooked ham from the fridge or a boiled egg, and Heero sat at his computer, reading over mail as he ate. Then after this, getting books and his pack from a chair before leaving, letting Duo sleep until his late morning class.

But Duo wasn't sure he wanted to have to come back to a room with this morning still hanging over his head. So after Heero had fitted his pack against his shoulder, Duo interrupted the routine. "Hee-chan?" Dammit, his voice was like a little child's. Did he suddenly not have control over his own voice anymore? Lately it had seemed to be somewhat difficult to throw a noose around and guide.

"Mmm?" that same sound, the one that relaxed his muscles and left Duo feeling as if the world were revolving around him at just that right moment.

Sitting up, Duo stared at his roomie, half turned from the door, hand still on the latch but no sparing of attention directed to Duo despite his motion being on hold. "I.. I just... "he bit his lower lip and chewed on it a moment, wanting to get this right. "Are we ... okay? I mean, are things okay between us? Am I gonna have to do something or say something to make it better? And if I do, then what? Because I -" he drew back in alarm as Heero left the interrupted schedule plan and came near, sitting on the bed beside Duo. Duo could feel warmth from Heero's side enter into his calf muscles and instead of making him more wired, the contact served to calm him.

There was a moment as Heero contemplated the answer and then with a small smile, rare in it's visibility, reached out and grabbing a stray lock of brown gold hair snaking over Duo's shoulder, gave it a tug. "Yeah. We're just fine."

Duo's smile didn't melt right away. Not after that assurance. So that long after Heero had left, Duo had settled into a daytime doze with the happy grin still curling the corners of his mouth and the worry lines dissipated from his brow like a long forgotten night fog, just a dream which - in the end - meant little to the waking.

* * *

_((Ahh! Okay, I know this is sort of a set back. But it's got a mind of its own! I swear I began this fic with a total different idea in mine! Rar!! I really need to make my muses obey me. Feel free to review it, eh? And next "fix" is gonna be another Review doc. The fic should be done by the time Christmas comes for the boys. Two weeks is all they're giving me time to do it in! And Duo's being difficult, darn him.))_


	12. Review Process Part Two

_((Blech. I really don't think I'll ever do something like this again. [L] The Review part is important but it's drudgery. Luckily this is the last one needed. Woo hoo! _

_Warnings: Yaoi. Don't know what it is, don't read it. Enuff said._

_Disclaimer: Don't own them. Not even Wufei, who I wish I did. _

_Anissa: Yes ma'am. I would love to read your stuff. And I understand about not wanting to put it up. Heck, it's taken me years to get to where I don't mind so much having it out in the open. I am, however, positive that your writing would be marvelous and I would love to see what kinds of ideas you have to put down! Thank you so much for your constant support. It sure helps keep the writing flames alive. I hope I can manage to at least keep up a half way decent connection to the characters and help them remain enjoyable._

_Akenna: Thank you! I shall! We're almost done too! _

_Wolfkun: By Quat did you mean Heero? Or did ya mean Quat? Heh heh. I think that most of the other pilots (but mostly Quat and Heero) know far more about Duo than Duo does. He seems to be a pretty instinctual person and so I doubt he's as aware of his own thoughts, feelings, and motivations as they are. So yeah! [S] Either way, yeah! _

_On with the show! ))_

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____

Review Process; Part Two

Howard's Boi 05:13 EMT 11/20 Review for Hiro's Lacking Soul Chapter Review, chap. 84

Kittin: Well, I've not heard from you for a few days, I'm assuming you're reading all those fics you feel you have to. I'm going to use this time to read yours now.

Howard's Boi 06:25 EMT 11/20 Review for Joyous Parade

Ahhh... I'm not sure what I think of this one and I respect you too much to lie. I didn't like this one. I am not partial to the 03x04 pairing. I'm sure I'm not liked much for that of course. But I tend to lean more toward the 03x05 pairing. Quatre never seemed like a gay man to me when I've seen him on the television and anywhere else. He seems femme at the outset, but I just can't see him choosing to be with Trowa Barton. I see him more of a lady's man.

Howard's Boi 07:03 EMT 11/20 Review for Osiris and the Banker

I'm really enjoying that your fics are short and easy to read. That is a compliment, btw. And I have always loved the titles you give your fictions as well. The "Pink Pajama Party" and "8 Tin Cans" though I really love the name of "Crocodile Circuit Breaker."

As for this fiction. Now that I'm not revolting against the pairing (I do have a soft spot for 01x02 fics for obvious Duo based reasons) I can enjoy the fiction. This one had a very nice plot. I felt badly for Duo. I always do in your fictions. You do realize you often give him a bad ending? How about something happy? What would he do if he actually got his man? Not just got him into bed, but if Hiro fell in love with him. As much as I feel jealous of Hiro getting his Duo, I feel even worse for your Duos never being loved truly.

SxyKtn 00:32 EMT 11/26 Reply Column for Joyous Parade

Howdy Howe! Hee hee. You respect me, eh? Shit, that makes one person! I don't think I mind being respected. (You wanna tell my friends that now? They think I'm a crazy baka. You can stomp in, in your high heels (or your lumberjack shoes) and glower at them all and tell them that I'm someone who deserves respect darn it! I'll bet they'd listen to you.) And yeah. I'm not too hot on the3X4 stuff m'self. Or 4x3 either. I never could tell the difference. And I've been doing some serious 3x5s cause I just like those two t'gether. I know most people don't.

heh heh. I'll bet if Quatre Winner ever comes on here (don't we all like dream about that?) that he'd appreciate that comment of yours about his not being gay. Cause I'll bet that most of the guys are straight as arrows. (Can I dream that one or two might be acting out our fantasies, please?)

SxyKtn 00:45 EMT 11/26 Reply Column for Osiris and the Banker

Howe: Holy... dunno if I should take that as a compliment, but I will, cause it's you giving it. (Anyone else I'd lay into! Heehee) You know? It's maybe just me. I don't think Duo is ever gonna really get his man. I mean, Hiro is a cold, passionate bastard in the end. And I don't know that a guy like that can love him the way he wants so badly to be loved, kay? But I'll try one where he gets what he wants one day. I promise. Just for you. Until then, I'm sorry. I know you've got a soft spot for Duo. And I know that I sure like how your endings are and I wish I could write one like that! Guess I'm just a sucker for angst. Well, that or I just don't believe in the reality of the love stuff. (Yeah, yeah.. I know that Wuffie and Tro always get together. My bad. - call me a hypocrite.)

SxyKtn 01:26 EMT 11/26 Review for A Moment's Time

Okay, so like, Happy Thanksgiving love of my writing life! I had a shitty time, how about you? My friends know (that's the disrespect stuff from before) about my writing and my best friend (and roommate, damn am I a sucker for punishment or what?) thinks I'm a person who needs to get my desires out. And that this... aaargh! That or he thinks I'm gay. Of course, he didn't pound me. SO that's good. But it still sucks the big one and so I'm reading and shit now. See? Screw him and his opinions, right? I got you. [mega watt shimmer shine beam smile] I like this. I like the way you used time and how you broke everything up by thirty minute increments. I'll bet when yer in war (even if it's a heart war, as you call it) that things do go like that. Every half minute feeling like an eternity.

SxyKtn 03:54 EMT 11/26 Review for Gotcha!

I thought at first that this was gonna be stupid (I'm sorry! I didn't trust you!) Just the idea of doing it based on a game. I'm not much of a game person. Never did it much as a kid cause I had other stuff to do instead. But, I liked how you started out goofy and then settled it slowly into the game pattern. I had to look up the game to find out how it all tied in. But even the rules! It was really cool.

SxyKtn 04:12 EMT 11/26 Review for Quickie

Hee hee. I should be in bed, but this one was so short I could read it and go to bed still. Cute! So cute, yeah. So yeah, how bout you? Do you like quickies? I always thought of you as a less violent, more languid person when it comes to this stuff. I liked this side of the imaginary Hiro. Heh. Could you imagine if he actually did this??? How funny would that be? NIGHT! Gonna keep catching up. Oh, and I wasn't reading but I am now. We had tests and one of my classes was kicking my butt. My roomie is like a study hog too.

Howard's Boi 05:15 EMT 11/26 Reply Column for A Moment's Time

Best of holidays to you as well, Kittin! I'm sorry it was such a bad time. No one knows about my writing, but I think that after being surprised (and maybe teasing me some, especially one of my friends who has a talent in teasing) I'd be left alone. I hope that your friends do the same for you. And I wouldn't let your best friend bother you that much. Best friends have a way of caring about us no matter what we do. I'm sure that he will get over his speculations. Have you thought about asking him? Secrets don't help anyone (I should know).

Howard's Boi 05:23 EMT 11/26 Reply Column for Gotcha!

Kittin: You've never played it? There are so many games I enjoy. Though I rarely play them anymore. I used to play all the time with my uncle. He was trying to teach me math skills and other things he thought I'd need to know. Maybe we could get onto one of the online game sites and I could teach you a few?

Howard's Boi 05:38 EMT 11/26 Reply Column for Quickie

Kittin: I do like quickies. I have to admit I can't help it. Though the brain freeze is a good reason to do it only once in a while. I'm also glad you enjoyed this side of him. I know that you think of him as a cold type character. But I think there is more to him. Actually, that may be unfair. I've noticed you show a lot of insight into your Hiro and that he's very deep. I just am confused as to why he and Duo can't be happy in your fictions. I guess that's what I get for reading an author who seems to like Duo-angst. It breaks my heart though, because I think of him as a marvelous person and wish he could get his dream just once.

Howard's Boi 06:54 EMT 11/26 Review for Jalepenos and Jalopies

This one was short, sweet, and I liked it. Were you working on this during the testing break you had to take? Christmas is coming up. I'm going to spend it with some family. I hope yours is good. My writing will go down because I'll be busy trying to get gifts ready and help with the plans. I'm sure you'll be doing the same. How did the talk go with your roommate?

SxyKtn 01:25 EMT 11/27 Reply Column for Jalepenos and Jalopies

Howe: I had forgotten about talking to my roomie until I read your note. So I just did. It didn't work. But I'm not mad at him anymore. I get overly emotional about stuff and I musta been all tired and stuff that night, because he's really got some good opinions and I think he's a great guy. He's also like family cause we've known one another for forever and I've lived with him for forever too. (No, he's not gay either.) So I get a bit cranky and chew him out in my head now and again. And besides, it wasn't him I was mad at, but my other best friend who had told everyone. But I had hurt his feelings that night (getting him back - damn I'm a mean ass sometimes) and so I couldn't chew him out or I'd have looked even more like an ass. So I took it out on m'buddy instead. Anyway, my roomie (I've decided) is a worm, in a good way. And I am gonna keep him around until he gets married and kicks me out into the cold [sniff] and alone world. Maybe I can come live with you then?

Oh yeah. Christmas. I'm not very big on it. But one of my friends is, so we're gonna have it at his house. (Don't got no family.) I think. I should find out who's house we're gonna have it at! It might be our year! Dammit. That would mean I've got ALL kinds of stuff to do!!!! Thanks for asking! You may have saved my bacon. (Weird to have a Christmas in a dorm though. Maybe I can get my friend to have it at his house instead.)

Howard's Boi 05:17 EMT 11/27 Review for Jalepenos and Jalopies

Wow. There was a lot there. Let me see if I can get this straight. You don't want me to hate your roommate for acting like a jerk (because he hadn't) and your anger was misplaced. I think I can accept that. And I feel like there is a lot more to this story that I may never hear. Yet I'm sure you didn't act like an ass. I can tell from your writing that you're a very energetic man and I'm sure that gets you into trouble often. But like I've said before, if your friends care for you as they must, then I'm sure that they also understand and accept your energy and your mistakes, just as you seem to accept theirs. (I am, of course, talking of the fact that your best friend hurt your feelings and you are obviously not hating your other best friend even though he was the one you were really mad at. Instead, you are taking it upon yourself to feel badly for retaliating. I can't see you being cruel. Maybe your friend is just sensitive? I'm sure the two of you will make up soon. I'd bet you don't have a single friend who can stay mad at you for long.)

SxyKtn 23:35 EMT 11/30 Reply Column for Japepenos and Jalopies

Howe: You are so cool. You sure I can't marry you? Or move in when my roomie kicks me out? And I do have the greatest friends in the world. They put up with me all the time. It's awesome. Just love those guys. And some say I am energetic.. that's such a sweet way to say it. Most of them just say "Settle down!, sit down, shut up.. "you know, that kinda stuff. Still, they're cool and I don't let it bother me most times. Just going through a tough time right now and it's making it hard on m'friends and me. Mostly me. You done this writing and find that you look at people differently afterwards? Like.. I keep wondering if you were a guy, what it would be like. That's sick. I should erase it but I'm not, cause this is the internet and I don't have to worry about people going up to me on the street and saying "Hey! You're the guy who's wondering if he's interested in guys!" Ha ha! Anyway. Not much writing from either of us. Maybe we should email one another? That might work? And my friends not being mad at me for long? Ha! You've not met my roomie. I swear he's not forgiven me for things I did when I was fifteen!

Howard's Boi 06:32 EMT 12/02 Review for Butter Me Up

I am a bit uncertain about giving out my email. How about you allow me to think it over first? I like the fact that this server is connected at various points and the way hackers are these days, I'm afraid of letting anyone have too much to go on when it comes to me. I prefer my privacy. I hope you don't mind? I promise to think about the email correspondence and this is not a "no" but a "maybe."

I guess I can't say anything about gender issues. I've always known which gender I'm attracted to. Well, as soon as I realized I was attracted, that is. I was a bit of a late bloomer, you might say. And obviously, since I like Duo, you can tell that it's men. Specifically Duo and my friend who doesn't care about me that way. I suppose that is pathetic. But as far as your questioning goes. I hope it all turns out well, any way you look at it. I've always just supposed that love is love is love, you know?

Okay, for this fic. I can tell you tried to give Duo a happy ending. I like it. I think though, that you forced the ending. Duo doesn't seem like he's ready to accept that he is gay. (Umm, would you hate me if I said that it sounds like this is imitating your life? Much like my writing is working out my own stuff?) If it IS a struggle for you then how about just letting your writing reflect that? Don't give Duo his happy ending until you are sure you can. No need to make him jump Hiro. Until then, keep to 03x05, because you don't seem to have anything against their happy endings. I like those. And I'll just accept that I'm going to read Duo-angst when I read your fics.

And, about your roommate. That is sad that he's remained angry at you for so long. I suppose he is one of those old friends that while you're not particularly close to, you have to remain in touch because you've known one another so long? I have a friend like that. We're not close, but I care about him like I do all the rest of my friends. I just don't want to sit down and spend a whole lot of time with him. But then, he doesn't mind because he's got a significant other and they're busy most of the time.

SxyKtn 21:35 EMT 12/05 Review for The Collector [see footnote]

Haaaawwwwwwwt! Psssssshhhhh! Oh my gosh. I think I'd swoon if someone told me that stuff about wanting to be loved and all that. Damn, it'd be nice to be loved like that.

I was sick too. Not as bad as Duo, but still pretty miserable. Still am a bit, but not too bad. My roomie and my other friend were really good to me. Took care of me and all. Though my roommate is scared to death of sickness. He's always been good to me? He just sorta gives me a glass of water and runs for the door after. Doesn't like being around me when I'm sick. It's kinda weird, cause he's okay with our other friends. It's just me he doesn't like being around. I think it's cause I'm a miserable sick person. (Kinda like being a miserable drunk, only I rarely if ever get drunk so I don't think he's gotten tired of me like that yet).

So yeah. Show this to your "Duo" and see if he goes for ya. Hell, I would! I mean, someone says that stuff to me and I'd faint!

SxyKtn 22:03 EMT 12/05 Reply Column for Butter Me Up

I keep saying awful stuff about my roomie. He is one of those old friends and I don't know that he thinks of me as his best friend. But I think of him as mine. And it doesn't bother me that he still holds a grudge. Because he'd die for me and that's all. I just accept that I'm not on the top of his list, yano? (Oh, and he's the one I'm having trouble figuring out. I keep... like... I dunno. Scary shit. Just looking at him. Does that mean I'm gay? Hell if I know.) Anyway, he's really controlled and he's private and most people don't know him at all. But I do. I mean, I can read him when no one else can. And he's got the most expressive eyes you've ever seen, when he's not going to kill you, that is. I don't have any friends like you do, where I'm not close to them? All my friends are like family and I love em all.

About the email. Don't sweat it, sweet thing. Kay? I don't care. I don't have anything to hide from the world here so I can talk about whatever you want to talk about, if you don't mind the comments we might get now and again. Believe me. I understand what you mean about hackers. I've known a few myself personally and they're pretty swift guys. And they probably could find out a lot about you from a simple email and all. So no worries.

Gender issues. You say it so nicely. I have been calling it "mucked up" myself. And yeah. I guess I've been not letting Duo have a happy ending because I'm not sure about mine. I mean, heck, I'm not even sure WHAT ending I want in the first place!

You are so NOT pathetic! I lurrrve you and I don't think you are! You can tell him that I said so. And that he should jump you and keep you forever. Cause he's an idiot for being into someone else and not you. Heck, maybe I'll be commiserating soon with you. Because if I AM interested in guys, then I'm up a huge messy and stinky creek with no paddle in sight. My friends will be weird after that and I'd bet my roomie would think I was always trying to hit on him. (Which I might, if I figured out that he was more than just a muse for my writings.) So keep hoping, kay? That person will come along! They have to! And I'm still sick, so I'm going to bed.

Howard's Boi 07:32 EMT 12/06 Review for Butter Me Up

You sure do write a lot! I think if I had a conversation with you, I'd be on the short end of the talking stick. I feel somewhat boring compared to all your colloquialisms. But you don't seem too bored by me, so I think that is a good thing. I think that if you like someone, they must be amazing. And I think the way you look at your friends is amazing. How you care about them all. I can't be that way. But then, I'm guessing you have a lot of friends and a few really close ones (I'm judging by the way you talk about them) and I have only a few friends total. I know what you mean about friends being like family, as well.

I think I will not give you my email just yet? Maybe later? Thank you for understanding.

I'm sure you'll figure out what ending you're searching for. I hope it is the happy one we're all hoping for.

And thank you. For not thinking I'm pathetic. I still wonder about myself and my inability to choose someone who might actually love me back. But I'm working on that.

Howard's Boi 07:45 EMT 12/06 Reply Column for The Collector

I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is what I wish I could say to him. I'm sure your being sick and him leaving is not you. I'd bet it's him with the problem. Don't take it personally.

SxyKtn 02:09 EMT 12/10 Review for Holidays, Holidays

Whew. I like that one! It's sweet. You're really getting sweet in your old age, honey! Your Hiro is getting more obvious and he's saying some seriously nice stuff. This time he actually almost said stuff out loud. You getting close to doing something stupid? Please don't! I don't wanna see you get hurt!

I do write a lot. Hope it doesn't scare you off! I talk a lot too, IRL. And you're not boring at all. I think you're sweet and nice and wonderful and I wanna take you into the back room and try out some of your ideas but I also just wanna get to know you and tell that Duo-guy of yours to get his head out of his ass and notice you. And you are so nice to me. Yeah.. I've got lots of acquaintances. But I have less friends than the fingers on my left hand. The rest of them come and go, but my friends (my posse.. m'fam) has been around with me since I was a teenager. We're inseparable. It's pretty cool.

Howard's Boi 05:16 EMT 12/12 Reply Column for Holidays, Holidays

Kittin: Thank you. I always enjoy your reviews and I don't mind all that you have to say. I am not much of an acquaintance type of person. It makes it hard to make new friends. I'm just slow on that. Takes a while for me to let someone in. That's my shyness coming out I guess.

And I am boring IRL. I don't talk much then either. Thank you though, for all the nice things you have said. I hope I continue to deserve such comments. I'm glad you have friends like that. They're very important.

SxyKtn 03:12 EMT 12/13 Private Review to Howard's Boi; Holidays, Holidays

Hey Howe? I'm sorry but I can't do this in public. I'm hoping that this thingie works. I just found it the other day and I was thinking of asking if you wanted to try it out. And now I'm thanking heavens that I've got it.

Anyway. My life is over. I'm dead. And I'm going to write some shit but first I had to tell you, cause I'm scared shitless. I kissed him. Can you believe that? Shit.. I'm such an idiot! And I don't even know why. Just I knew that I could trust him with everything and next thing I know, I'm kissing him. Only for a second and it scared me SO much, Howe! I wish you were here, cause I could talk to you about this. But if you were here, then we'd not be having that kind of conversation. Because the main reason I can even tell you shit is cause you're on here and in a way, you're not real. Please don't let that bother you. It's just the truth. And I... am not sure if I want this or not. I can't believe I did it! It just happened! But I have to be honest and say that my fictions haven't helped much. I think I'm gonna do some solo Duo stuff and let him think about what I'm going through, and leave the Hiro stuff to the side.

I wish I had your head for things. I'm screwing this up so badly. My roomie's asleep. Bastard can sleep through anything. Even after being kissed by his best .. well, his friend. He didn't hurt me. But I think he might tell me we have to split up t'mrorow. Listen to me!!!! I sound like we're dating or something crazy and I don't even know if I'm going for him because of the stupid stories or because of him! I mean, I've known him for almost ten years and I haven't felt like this before.

So there you have it. I'm shaking and I feel sick and I kissed my best friend and I think things are never gonna be the same again. I think I'll go cry, but I don't cry except when I'm sick. Maybe I am sick! Man - this is so confusing. Love sucks. If it IS love, that is. I mean...

Can we talk somehow? Like on a chat thingie? Or ... or email or.. something? I'm dying to talk to someone but I can't tell my other friends because they'd flip. They're already having a tough time and thinking that maybe I'm bi or something. I thought I was straight! I mean, I've never been so big on girls, but I was so busy as a kid, I didn't have much chance to decide. I'm fucked up. Please... can we talk?

Howard's Boi 05:18 EMT 12/15 Review for Convoluted Dreaming

I'm answering this one first. You are really having a tough time, Kittin. Please hang in there. I'm sure there is an answer soon!

Howard's Boi 03:12 EMT 12/15 Private Reply Column to SxyKtn; Holidays, Holidays

Dearest Kittin:

Oh my goodness. It sounds like something has really happened in your life. I have read the two fics you did off of that moment and I can tell you're still very confused. I'm not sure if you'll be reading anything soon. I know how when life turns upside down for me, I stay away from work and writing online and do most of my writing in solitude and keep them to myself. Some of my fictions have come from those writings, but they are not the writings themselves.

I am sorry it's taken me so long to write to you. I wish I had been there too. I don't know if I could have helped (I may have made it worse) but I wish in some way, that I could have helped make that moment easier for you. How frightening for you!

I cannot think that you'll mess things up. It's been a few days and I'll wait to hear how things have gone before we start to talk about getting in closer contact. Please let me know as soon as you can, what has been going on and how you are doing!

Your internet friend,

Howard's Boi

SxyKtn 03:12 EMT 12/17 Private Review to Howard's Boi; Holidays, Holidays

Dear Internet Friend,

Howe! You are so awesome. Did I tell you I loved you yet? Yeah, it was pretty damn traumatic. But we're back to the status quo. Only it's better now. I still don't know what I think about him. He woke up after I was just finishing up Convoluted Dreaming and he asked if he could read my stuff. I showed him some of my favorite stuff of yours too. I dunno why, but it made everything good. It sort of put my writing where it needs to be and let me be me outside of it. Does that make any sense? Anyway.. it's all cool. Sorry for freaking out on you like that and I love you for being all wise. Don't worry about not writing so soon after I flipped. I mean, this is the internet. It's not like I called you up and wanted to cry on your shoulder (though I was damn close! lol)

So, I'm gonna keep to this. Please don't say anything in public about it? I have a friend on here and he writes stuff too. I don't want him knowing I fubbed so bad.

Christmas is coming up and we are having it at my friend's house. Though because I was in charge, me and the roomie are working on getting everything together. My friend was gonna pay for it and wanted this big ol thing. But I talked them into letting me and my roomie (the poor ones in our group) work it out all on our own. We will just use a bigger space, since his house is larger than ours. So I'm really busy and stuff. And so is the roomie. But he's been a cool friend. He's sort of stopped time the last few days and we've just hung out. You know how it is. Drinking beer down at the river and playing poker for matchsticks (I beat his butt SO bad!) and going to dinner and stuff. It's like he knows that I'm messed up and he doesn't wanna let me be alone. See what I mean about him? Damn, no wonder I'm having a tough time figuring out what I think about him. I think I'm gonna ask him if he wants to go on a hike with me and get us out of the city. Weird, but doing that, messing up like that? It seems to have made things better between us. I haven't talked to him about it yet. But I don't know that I want to. I kinda want to get it worked out first before I say anything. See, he had a talk with me before about how we've got these trust issues. And how it's hard to find anyone I'd feel safe enough to commit myself to. And how maybe if I found someone like that, I wouldn't care about their gender.

See, that's all cool? And I could see him and me together, which scares me like nothing ever has? But it's not just that. He's straight and he's being all nice and stuff, but even if it was him that I ended up liking, he'd not look at me twice or think of me that way. Ha ha! Look at that! I'm falling in love with a straight guy when I was supposed to be straight. Or maybe I still am and it's just him and because it's so hard to find anyone else and because he's like my other half. All I know is that I need him to keep me straight on the path (no pun intended) and he doesn't need me because he's got all of his shit together. But he still sticks around and takes care of me. So yeah. Maybe I'm not a best friend to him, but I sure feel like his little bro somehow. He's just watching out for me.

Okay. No more fics. Not now. Not until I know what's the thing I'm gonna do. But I can write to you like this? Is that okay? And I promise to read your fics as soon as my head is straightened out, either way.

Your Kittin

Howard's Boi 11:38 EMT 12/20 Private Reply Column to SxyKtn; Holidays, Holidays

Kittin;

That is fine. Things have gotten very busy here. I have to run and be with my family in an hour so I won't write to you until after Christmas. And since you'll be going too, maybe you won't read this until after Christmas. But in case you do, let me make it quick but respond anyway.

[s] No, you haven't told me you loved me yet. Thank you. It's nice to be cared for. I'm glad that your roomie seems to have figured out what you needed most and didn't leave you. You really must be a pretty amazing person to have a friend who will stick with you through whatever. But I have a question. If he didn't freak out and he hasn't left.. and it sounds almost like he's ... wooing you? Have you thought of that? It's just a thought. I don't know him so I can't say. And I'm sorry if I'm giving the wrong idea. I just have to wonder with everything that you've told me. Think about it? Just in case? Has he stopped hanging out with you? If you were a girl and he was straight, I'd say he was trying to see if he'd get a chance to date you, considering what you've said. I feel I'm pushing this idea and I'm not sure, but I feel almost certain that there is more to this and that if you wanted to, you could fall in love safely. It seems only right that at least one of us gets what we dream of, doesn't it?

Writing like this is just fine, if you want to continue? Of course. : )

Howard's Boi

SxyKtn 10:15 EMT 12/22 Private Review to Howard's Boi; Holidays, Holidays

Hey Howe! You meanie head! Heh heh.

Thanks. I'm at the party place. We're getting it ready so I can kinda have privacy and get on anywhere. I'm using my roomie's laptop. He's acting really nice about it which is cool. He'd never have let me use it before. He was really scary about that. But he knows I wanted to write to you (I've told him about you) and he knows that you're kinda helping me get my head straight. Or not! Damn you! You're not making this easy! I was hoping you'd say "Yes, Kittin. You're straight and it's just the fictions that are making you act like this and think like this." But instead you're like "Hmmm... what if HE likes YOU?" You know how crazy that's making me? He and I went getting popcorn and cranberries and some cheap plastic trick stuff to put on the tree yesterday and we went to lunch after and I was thinking the whole time, "Is this a date? Is this a date? Is this a date?" He's taking time off from work and it's for our friends and stuff, cause they're kinda like the only family the two of us have. And so he's around all the time. We used to spend time together all the time when we had time. So it's just him doing more of the same thing and I have to keep that in my head. But dammit. He held open the door and I was wondering if he'd ever done that before. And he touched my back when we went to the movies that night and I couldn't help but wonder if he's done that before. See, I never cared and I never really noticed so I can't compare it to anything. So you're evil again! And I love you.. but you're evil! I still haven't talked to him about it. I'm scared to. Because I'm scared that I'll just burst out and tell him I'm in love with him and he'll kick my ass. And he could too!

So I'll never speak to you again! And I hope your Christmas is full of perfection and love and that your family is wonderful all around you. We've got two days left. I'm going to go and get him something special.

Kittin

Howard's Boi 13:54 EMT 12/22 Private Reply Column to SxyKtn; Holidays, Holidays

Dearest Kittin:

Well, so long as you talk to me after Christmas is over, I don't mind. Yes, I expect Christmas will be something that will be special. I'm looking forward to it. And I do hope you say something to him! I hate to say this, Kittin. But at least as far as this friend of yours is concerned, I think you may very well be gay. Like you said, you never really were given a chance to decide. And maybe you were just going off of what you thought was normal. If you really were too busy to notice when you were a teen (and many of us were because of the war and just trying to survive, especially if you were colony born) then maybe you just missed the chance to notice that you were really into men? Or maybe that you were into both?

I'm rushing this so I'm sorry if it seems sporadic. Will you please go back and read the last two you wrote? About him and what you two have been doing? And then you can tell me if I'm right or wrong.

I have to go! Family is coming upstairs and I want to go with them to dinner.

Howe

SxyKtn 23:43 EMT 12/23 Private Review to Howard's Boi; Holidays, Holidays

Woo hoo! Almost midnight and I guess I AM talking to you, though I still think you're an evil, evil woman. (I've decided you're a woman. A man would never go around saying "He likes you! I know he does!") So Christmas Eve is coming up and I've got the coolest thing ever to give my friend. I hope he likes it. It's stupid, but it means a lot to me. And maybe it'll tell him what I think of him and his friendship and all that. And I'm NOT going to tell him that I love him. I'm going to wait and see if what you say is true. Cause if when work starts back up and he's back to being Mr. Monosyllable, then I'll know he doesn't care.

Not that I want him to talk all the time. I just... will have to keep an eye on him. He hasn't gone out of his way to get us alone or anything. And he's just as excited about all of this. So I think you might be wrong. And I hate you for making me think that he might like me like that. Because... well, just because.

You know something? The real Duo Maxwell is gay. I know he's said he isn't and people are all about his braid and stuff. But I've watched him and I know he is. And know what else? I think Trowa and Wufei are too. Because have you seen how they act around one another? I'm just waiting for them to come out with it and surprise all of those QuatreXTrowa fans out there. You and me, we'll be laughing behind our hats!

So what are the odds? Three gay men out of five. That leaves poor Quat and Heero to uphold the manly name (I'm sure not doing a good job of it myself). I'm not going to read the last two posts, because I know what I wrote and I know what happened. So there! Nyah on you! But I promise I'll still love you and I'll read your stuff as soon as I get back. For now, my roomie is coming and he said he has some work to do tonight so I don't have much time left. I'll be busy all day t'morrow and Christmas, cause we've got all kinds of stuff planned. See ya soon! Have a merry Christmas and all that sappy stuff!

Kittin

Howard's Boi 01:54 EMT 12/25 Private Reply Column to SxyKtn; Holidays, Holidays

Christmas Eve. Kittin. I hope Christmas is everything you've dreamed it to be and I hope you don't hate me for my cowardice. I am glad you've figured it out. But you've only figured out half of the equation. I am keeping the hope you gave me and I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him when I think he can listen and I am going to hope that somehow, this day after Christmas, will find us both happier than we ever thought to be. Wish me luck.

H.

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___((Footnote: See chapter 9; Howe's Submission. And for the record. I KNOW that that fiction is goofy. Heck, I'd never kiss anyone that sick, but for the purposes of being something completely imaginary and in their world, I let it get a bit strange and a bit off of what would normally be okay. Mainly because.. well, they're characters and if the fiction they were reading was too realistic, it'd ruin the rest of my fictional fiction.. yeah? Heh heh.  
  
Thank heavens! Review is over. I sweated over this one so I'm sorry if it's not as good as the rest. I hope you can see the times it matches up with now and again, I tried to let stuff connect. If the muse continues, we have one or two chapters left. I think... maybe two. But it might merge into one. Oh we all know they'll end up happily ever after, right? Otherwise I'll have to toute m'self as an overly mean angst writer.))_


	13. The Gift Exchange

_((Warning: Yaoi. Don't know what it is, don't read it. : ) Thanks! _

_Disclaimer: As much as I would love to have them in my living room, I don't. And I don't think I ever will. I simply do not own even the smallest of hairs on Duo's head. _

_EarthGurl: Coming from you, one of the most lyrical writers I've ever met, that is one heck of a huge compliment, sweets! Thank you SOOO much for backing me on this. You're awesome, you know this. And I adore you!_

___T-Bear: Heh heh. Hee-angst... nummy stuff. I was thinking of doing a one-faced, two-dimensional Heero fic. We'll see if I can ever pull it off. He's kinda sorta that way in Sea Folk, but you have to wade through words to get to it. (Loquacious, wot wot?) Thanks for reviewing! My gosh, I just live off of these things. It's my inner child going "Loooovvvee meeee" [snicker] _

___Enough with the author junk. On with the fic, ne?))_

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The Gift Exchange (or, What the Hell is This?)

Gillian Welch's voice crooned (or yodeled in her smooth way) in the background, 'Mah mo'phine be th'death of me..' and the young men talked over her music sliding svelte and soothing from the speakers set into the wall. Around them candles were lit on mantles, the cheap two cred kinds you could get at the nick-knack store, set into cheaper Santas made on L1, each one doing a type of frozen tumbling over themselves. Duo had managed to get the last three where the candle was coming out of Santa's butt and had giggled during the entire process of lighting them and setting them up around the room among their fellows who laid on their backs, did the splits, and tried to do handstands (these didn't stand very well).

The tree had not been given its regularly themed treatment that Quatre would have wished. No matter their party was at the Winner mansion, Duo insisted on doing it all his self. Well, and dragging Heero along, because it was supposed to be the pair of them. But anyone with half a brain could see that Heero was there in the capacity of pack animal only. Most of the ideas came from Duo's half crazed mind. Including the glass baubles covering the tree, the two strings of blinky lights which made Quat cringe, the popcorn strings (a project and a half, taking Duo three days to accomplish - something he stuck to but grumbled about the entire time) and cranberry strings (a little less time because cranberries were less likely to break once you got them on the string, but still worth a grumbling corner set up at Duo's desk), as well as some of their personal objects no one had known were missing. Some of Trowa's clown ruffles, Wufei's small jade dragons, both tied around the middle and hanging securely from a thick branch, Quat's pink stuffed elephant from his shelf, a clear plastic orb filled with green fabric which Duo proudly announced was, in fact, Heero's very old, very worn out, tank top, and a golden ornamental cross from Maxwell Church hanging and glittering over a yellow light. It was, Duo explained, the way to make the tree "right." Because in any family, so he'd been told, people had those special family ornaments that they would put up every year, homemade popsicle kindergarten frames, 25th anniversary gold snowflakes, grandma's glass icicle, brother's small bike he got when mom and dad got him the real thing but gave him the ornament first. The reason had to be hastily given to prevent from Wufei attacking the tree, trying to get his dragons back. But once given, the rest of the pilots were left strangely touched. It wasn't that Duo was very big on Christmas. But he did manage to make a cheap tree covered with so much tinsel that it looked like a waterfall, something special. And thus things remained as they were.

Duo asked that they have the small sitting room with the fireplace and that they all come in and remain just there. Because, he'd said, it wasn't as if they were having a grand party. It was supposed to be in their dorm, and the sitting room was twice the size of the dorm room, but it was still small enough so that they could pretend. He'd hidden some sleeping bags and had the rest of the boys put their bags beside the door leading in. A hot plate in the corner bubbled cheap apple juice with cinnamon sticks (cider was far too expensive) and a bunch of paper plates sat on the central coffee table, covered in crackers and cheese, baked apples, some popcorn balls dyed pink and green, chocolate truffles (these were Quatre's, each of them were asked to bring one treat), Wufei's rice balls, Trowa's chocolate chip cookies, and some vegetables with humus in a small dish.

Quatre was allowed the rest of the house and it took him a moment or two to accept that the work he and his staff had put into decorating would be ignored until the morning after Christmas, but seeing Duo's excitement had managed to soothe his hurt feelings and by the time Trowa and Wufei had arrived, he was happily helping Duo put up some cheap plastic and cloth pine garlands onto the mantle, arranging little antique and chipped ceramic cherubs with trumpets and painted in a gaudy gold paint into the greenery while Heero obediently put the finishing touches on the tree with more tinsel as directed by the enthusiastic Duo.

There even was a piece of dried up mistletoe in a plastic bag (or so Duo claimed it was, waving it about and kissing people on the cheeks as well as holding it over Trowa and Wufei and laughing wildly at the blush that stained Wuffie's cheeks each time his love bent to kiss his brow or his cheek or once (to the amazement and amusement of the others) his lips) which ended up in the end tied above the door leading to the kitchen.

As the evening wore on and snowmen had been made out of flour and water (a failed attempt of Duo's that led to a bigger mess than expected), half of the crackers and cheese were gone, the baked apples too cold to eat anymore, and half of the cheap fake cider was drunk, the five of them situated themselves about the room, leaning on chairs or in sleeping bags. Trowa and Wufei took up the love seat, curled up against one another. Quatre gave up acting prim and instead, lounged in sweats and an overly large white tee shirt, his lanky legs sprawled across the sides of the recliner. Duo had commandeered the divan and was curled under the afghan and Heero leaned against the fireplace hearth, his head bent as he quietly read Dickens' Christmas Carol to the rest of them.

Duo lazily let his eyes roam over the scene and he smiled, a peaceful feeling of pure content rolled about in his belly and left him drowsy. They all had stockings Trowa had gotten for them the first Christmas. And it was Duo's and Heero's job to fill them. Under the tree a few gifts sat, waiting. Each one of them were given a small gift, or a trinket for Christmas Eve, then they distributed the gifts the next day. The trinkets weren't a for sure thing. Someone often got something, sometimes more than one of them got something for all. A box of chocolates and a puzzle as well as tiny wrapped bottles of bubbles had been the year before. It was never said really, who would bring something and it depended much on how much time someone had the few days before. Those smaller gifts were laid into a basket by the tree while the rest laid under it in gold and red and green paper with various colors of bows and tags with names on them or names written in indelible ink on the wrapping paper.

The soft tones of Heero's voice eased him into a half awake state. It was getting late, near onto midnight. And with his stomach full, Duo stretched like a cat before sighing softly and finally settling on watching his roommate.

Things had, in their strange way, come back to an almost common way of being between the pair of them. Heero had not mentioned the kiss and therefore, neither had Duo. Nor had it bothered Duo much, not after Heero had told him that they were okay and had tugged on his hair. Duo did act more carefully when his roommate was changing or himself for that matter, but it was a fleeting thought that Heero might feel uncomfortable and it didn't stick. They'd lived around one another too long, had known one another too long, to let something as simple as a kiss from a half drunk, emotionally distraught Duo to upset them, really.

Of course, finding that he was in love with Heero was a tad upsetting, actually. But despite his worried, half joking messages to the internet "friend," Howe, Duo really could not even let that affect the strong and stable base of their friendship. It was as simple as this. They were friends and they cared deeply about one another. They always had, they always would. And something like feeling as if he could jump Heero at a moment's notice, would fade in it's own time and they'd still be friends. It was this sense that left Duo more stable than he would have been otherwise. He didn't worry, didn't fear any longer, that the strong bond between them could be broken by something so childish as his love for his roommate.

But it wasn't childish, really. It went far deeper than childish. If he was honest with himself he could see that he had loved Heero for a very, very long time. It was just that there had been no bells, no whistles, no shocking displays of lust to knock his breath from him and let him know. This was a quiet creeping, slowly growing thing. Much like a plant, a flower, unfurling it's glorious colors to be noticed only days later by some straying passer-by. It had colored and warmed his world and he'd simply thought it to be friendship. Only it was friendship, deepened and made more beautiful. It had the same flavor, the same scent as friendship. But there was, underneath it, a deeper sense that he recognized finally. The intimacy that he had with Heero, that he felt toward Heero, was matched only by the intimacy that he saw visible in Trowa's and Wufei's relationship. And it scared him, but it also left him feeling - special. Special enough to love someone as amazing as Heero. He was loved back. Maybe not as deeply, but he never considered that Heero did not care for him. And now, Heero had shown it in a million other ways, caring for him, showing himself able to rise above Duo's mistake, reassuring him on a physical level as it was one of the basic levels of Duo and sometimes the only one that Duo understood. The touch and nearness and quiet presence reaffirmed everything.

And also gave him the courage to get prepared to do what he was going to do. He flushed, watching Heero lick his lips as he turned a page and continued reading. What a beautiful man. Truly. And Duo had touched those lips. Just once. But once was enough. He would never forget. And maybe, if some Heavenly Being, thought it appropriate and wise, he'd taste them again.

Damn, lust could be a real pain sometimes. He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow, groaning softly so that no one else could hear him. Then with a grin, lifted his head to notice that Heero's eyes were locked on his even as his friend continued with the story, some part of his mind having read ahead far enough that he could take a moment to notice his roommate and not lose the story.

It was momentary, Heero returned before he lost his place and continued without a break in the tale and Duo blushed even further. Caught while struggling with wanting Heero. That was, well, somewhat embarrassing, yes.

But not embarrassing enough, apparently, for he kept on watching Heero after that, until the story was done and with a flip of his braid over his shoulder, he grinned at them all and ran to the basket. "Okay! Santa's coming soon and I'm gonna fall asleep if you guys don't do it soon and you'll have nothing in your stockings, so we'd better get these opened.." he knelt before the small conglomeration of things.

A rustling behind him as the various pilots readjusted themselves, wakening from the same quiet that Duo had lapsed into. One thing about Heero, his voice soothed. When they'd discovered that, the Christmas story had become his job. It was a perfect way to end things.

"Ahh right.." Duo laughed and lifted up a white and purple wrapped object. "'To The Guys', and you know what it is.." he turned around and tossed the bottle toward Trowa who caught it with a deft flick of his fingers around it's body. "Can we have glasses, Quat?" Duo smiled at the half asleep Arabian.

"Mm? Oh.. course.." Quat stood and went to the kitchen and Duo passed out the remaining packages, two more "For-the-Guys" packages were given, one to Wufei and one to Heero, to open, while everyone got two small boxes as well. Seating himself cross legged, Duo took a small glass from Quat and they all cheered when Trowa's unwrapping revealed a bottle of malt whiskey. It had remained a rather nonalcoholic evening so far, but not one of them was averse to going to bed a bit warmer than they were right now.

The other two main packages were unwrapped while the bottle was passed around. One was a trivia game that they set aside to play and the other happened to be a box of chocolates. Everyone laughed about Quatre's fascination with the sweet and the young man blushed but stated that he was starting a tradition. "Yeah, but we can still tease you about it, Kitty," Duo grinned and leaned over, where he plucked a sweet from the box and winked. "You'll get fat if you keep this up!"

Quatre only stuck out his tongue. "Quatre will never gain another ounce, I'm afraid," Trowa miserably complained, staring at Quatre's skinny frame. The young man had shot up unexpectedly and was still growing apparently. The doctors were not surprised, for he wasn't yet twenty four, but he definitely showed signs of being a slender man for the rest of his life and having a metabolism which would never quit.

"While Tro has to watch his weight," Quatre laughed, knowing it to not be true.

"Oh..." Duo smirked knowingly at his blonde companion, "I'm sure Wufei works hard to keep him extra lean.."

"Why you!" Wufei's cry came right before a pillow flew across the space and hit Duo in the face.

"Gah!" Duo's laughter rang out, tangled with that of the others and then finally died. He tucked the pillow under his arm.

"So how do you keep so slender, Trowa?" Heero asked uncharacteristically, but not so much so that anyone was startled.

"Run.." Trowa stated and from there, the conversation went into the various ways the young men kept fit still. Duo of course, did none of these, merely kept busy, and went hiking and climbing with Heero a couple of times a week, but it didn't count as a regular exercise regime and so he remained out of it for the most part.

The chocolate box slowly devoured, the five young men opened the game and played it for another hour, then took a moment to drink some cider, set up beds, and then open up the last of the gifts. One of the boxes that each of them had received was nothing more than some herbal lotion for muscle aches and they all got a good laugh out of that one, considering what they'd been talking about, while the other was an ornament for the tree. One for each of them. Including the one Duo had chosen for himself. Each was a different object, a dragon (predictably) for Wufei, kitten for Duo, eagle for Heero, a lion for Trowa, and a joker's mask for Duo. And each had the year and their name printed on the bottom in gold paint. They hung up the ornaments when they could find a way to get through the veil of tinsel on the tree, and with a murmured conversation about nothing in particular, each found his way into dreams. 

[] [] [] [] [] [] 

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!" the herald call caused Heero to groan, Quatre to scream, Wufei to curse roundly in chinese, and Trowa to chuckle as the very awake and rumpled looking Duo bounded out of his bag and toddled around, over bodies lumped over the floor like too many pupae. Tro and Wufei had zipped theirs together but behaved (more for fear of Duo's teasing than anything) well enough, Quatre was curled on the couch, Duo had managed to nab the recliner but had had to move to the floor later in the night because it wasn't comfortable enough, and Heero kept close to the fireplace, enjoying the last of the night's fire. With grumbles and waking yawns, they slowly came out of their warm places. Heero began the fire and Quatre went to get some more of the apple juice and the plates Duo had stashed in the fridge the day before, cold cuts and fruits, then put some bread into the oven to warm and came back.

"Can't he just sleep in? Just once!" Wufei grumbled into Trowa's shoulder as the pair cuddled.

"Awe, Wuffers! Tro-baby, can't you make him happy? OH! How about some mistletoe?" Duo cried and a moment later the two lovers were beset with a grin leering over them while a package of greenery (no longer green) crinkled overhead. "Smooooch smoochers! I'll bet that'll make him happy, Tro."

"Duo, go away before I cut you into pieces... and feed you to Quat's dogs," Wufei growled.

Trowa only laughed, enjoying the other tradition of Christmas morning.

"Heeeerooooo! He threatened meeee!" Duo looked at Heero's bent over back as the japanese man leaned into the fireplace and blew on the coals, trying to begin a fire once more.

"Didn't threaten.. promised.." Wufei's mumble was distinct enough to make Duo squeal in mock fear.

"Does he treat you like this, Tro?" Duo's innocent smile at Trowa was swept away a moment later as he ran to the fireplace. "You know, billows would work.. these things.." and helpfully cheerful, Duo lifted the red handled things and gave a good gust which only managed to kick up ash into Heero's face.

Quatre reentered then onto the scene of Duo chaos. Trowa and Wufei slowly extricated themselves, Wufei still keeping close to Trowa like a petulant and half asleep child, while Heero worked at clearing his lungs while simultaneously sitting on Duo.

"Ack! No! I mean.. help! Quat! Quat where are youuuu?" Duo's cry burst out and Heero grinned at the rest of them.

"Right here, Duo... Can I help, Heero?" Quat asked innocently, though everyone knew what was coming next.

"No nono nononononoooooo!" was the wail and all four piled on their friend.

It was another strange custom. It was odd how so many of them began. This one being the Great Tickle War, as Duo called it, had begun on the first Christmas after they had begun the morning at Trowa's behest, talking over the strange normalcies of life they either missed or wished they had had. For Duo, it was to have rough housed with his family. And in moments, they had ended up doing just that. Of course, the next season, Duo's cheerful morning waking had led to the same conclusion and from then on, it had remained. And while Duo seemed to hate the tickling that he ended up getting (until they turned the tables on one another and shifted it into a wrestling/tickling/pillow fight - food was not allowed - ) he still began it every year with a cheerful delight that could only be matched with his delight in opening presents.

For a guy who wasn't into Christmas, Duo managed to make a great party out of it all.

"Augh! Someone's elbow is in my eye!"  
"You are going to die, Quatre.."  
"Oh yeah? Come and get me, Blue Eyes"  
"Mommmmm! Wuffers bit me!"  
"Did not. Did not!"  
"What is this? A BITE MARK!"  
"Oh fer - that is from the indian burn, you idiot!"  
"Trowa, you put that down or you will die"  
"Is that all you can say, Yuy? I'd have thought you'd be more creative by now."  
"You know, for a guy who rarely talks, you sure are saying too much."  
"Fight! Trowa and Hee-chan! Get'im Hee-chan! Get'immm-OOF! WUFEI! The braid!! Not the braid!"  
"No way are you as innocent as all that! Take that, Mr. I Am Cute so I Don't Do Anything Wrong!"  
"Augh! Put down that pickle!"  
"Pickle?"  
"Pillow! I meant pillow!"  
"You guys are so weird"

Later, laying on the floor in a heaving, breathless mass of arms and legs, Duo laughed a sharp peal of delight and hugged the closest ex pilot next to him which happened to be a disgruntled Wufei, still upset about being accused of biting Duo. "Oh man... I love this holiday.."

"You have the strangest customs, Maxwell.." Wufei groused.

"Yeah? But they all lead to presents.." Quatre's voice piped up from somewhere on the other side of the pile. "I think someone's foot is in my stomach."

"That may be mine," was the apologetic rumble from Heero to Duo's right.

"Anyone hungry?" Mother Hen asked and the young men disentangled themselves and found seats, smiles all around, even a reluctant one on Wufei's angry mouth.

While Quatre got the breakfast, Duo went to passing out gifts, complete with a Santa hat he'd procured from somewhere, a cheap thing of felt and with a bell on top. And while he and Wufei fought over if it was a Santa hat or an elf hat, the piles before each pilot grew.

It wasn't much, compared to what Quatre talked about in his family. Each one of them picked a present for one another. So at most, it wasn't much more than five. Though now and again, two gifts with the same wrapping paper would sit as a set before one of them.

Breakfast was laid out on a quilt in the middle of the room and they helped themselves to donuts and fruit and meat and warm bread and cheese, as well as some of the re-warmed apple juice and some milk Quatre had dragged in and set up at the corner of the blanket. Then, with food balanced on knees, they went around the circle, opening gifts one at a time.

Trowa and Wufei at times had gifts that were matching, and the pair of them began by exchanging gifts and secret smiles. Duo let everyone know that his gifts came in the bright red paper and in this case, they were rather large. Of course, the top present was always opened in Duo's case, for he never failed to give a gag gift. So a pair of knitting needles for Trowa and a kick boxing puppet for Wufei would end up with the rest of the gag gifts, more than likely given to a charity. This did not bother the braided man, however, and now and again, he got it right, like the third year when he'd given Trowa a small set of Ken dolls in matching tuxedos, like grooms. A gift which prompted Trowa to ask Wufei to marry him and thus, was kept next to their obligatory couples picture in the living room. The wedding hadn't happened yet and the photo album Trowa received from Wufei was just perfect. But besides the needles and puppet, the real gifts weren't so bad. The thick picnic blanket, bottle of wine, and two crystal glasses were perfect.

But more embarrassing was the leather bound book Quatre gave them. "It's for... both of you," he murmured and watched them both work together to open it.

Embarrassing not only for them, but for Duo as well. For Quatre had gone online and found his favorite Trowa and Wufei stories (many of which were Duo's and some which were Howe's submissions. Other than Duo, Quatre promised he'd gotten permission) and put them into a leather bound book with a pair of joined hearts tooled into the leather. Trowa smiled his mysterious smile and Wufei blushed and Duo was asked to sign the cover under "author" and he did so through tears of surprise.

Wufei was next (or with, in actuality) and the dragon pajamas from his lover were quickly modeled for everyone and exulted over. Books and tapes of meditation music piled next to his knee alongside the wine and glasses.

After them, Heero opened his and Duo tried not to have a heart attack. Heero saved Duo's for last. Instead, he opened the first four. A book from Trowa on up and coming computer gurus (with Heero cited in chapter Three as someone to keep an eye on), another of Great Expectations from Wufei, a leather bound journal with a silver pen inlaid with dark blue sapphires along it's clip, and then the last.

Duo fiddled with the end of his braid as Heero picked up the soft package and looked at it quizzically. It was small, easy to hold, and with a calm, quiet face, he opened it, pulled out the folded pair of socks and stared at them.

Black with silver criss-crossed over, they were made of a felted surface meant to remain warm. Duo coughed, "Umm... cause yer feet get cold.." his voice seemed small and Heero looked up at him in surprise. 

"Aa.." Heero nodded and then looked back at his pile. No more. There was always a gag gift, but Duo seemed so nervous. What was it about the socks that was so.. nerve wracking? "Ummm... that's all.. I guess.." and Heero's voice sounded quieter than normal but he smiled at them all. "Thank you..." then he turned and looked at Quatre. "It's your turn, I believe."

Duo remained antsy during Quatre's unwrapping and now and again, he looked at Heero who grazed a thumb over the surface of the socks and stared down at them with a small crinkle of confusion between his brows.

Quat's ball gag and chocolate flavored lube got a good laugh from all. Though he exclaimed in pleasure over the antique framed butterfly specimen that Duo had discovered by accident on one of the colonies a few months before. He exclaimed just as happily over the books and chocolates and watch he received as well. Then he grinned at Duo. "Okay, you next."

Duo glanced around and met Heero's eyes once more. His roommate was confused. And somewhere, under the terror that he'd done the wrong thing, he exulted that he hadn't been found out yet. Then with a casual grin, he turned to his gifts.

Unlike Heero, he did not save his roommate's gift for last. He grasped the large box like package and with a grunt opened it, revealing instantly the scent of cedar rising off of the light golden surface. Its top was painted with a Celtic knot and Celtic swans at two of the corners, dragons at the other two, and a unicorn tangled into the weave. He whistled low then turned it on its side. Hearing the gentle knocking about of something loose inside, he proceeded to trying to find a way into it.

A minute later he was still searching. "I.. don't get it.." he stared at the box with no seeming door or hinge or music box or... key or anything. "Uhh.." and he looked up at Heero who only smiled and shrugged. "Uhh.. thanks?" his frown growing. How the hell was he supposed to open it? It had something inside and it was a goodly size and heavy, so it wasn't as if it was supposed to remain open.

"You're the thief... you figure it out.." Heero's smile curled the corners of his mouth secretly and Duo wanted to kiss each corner and so he blushed and put the box to the side and glared at his roomie.

"I will... just you wait and see."

"And if not, I'll show you.." Heero assured him.

"Better.." Duo grumbled and then grinned. "I'll get you for this, you know.."

"I hope so.." was Heero's reply and his eyes danced in a way that made Duo want to forget about the rest of the presents and lay out every secret he held (mainly the one about being in love with his best friend) before those beautifully vibrant and alive, blue eyes.

The rest of the gifts were straight forward. A cookbook from Trowa and some of Duo's favorite pb cookies with a touch of ginger and cinnamon and sugar atop them. A Mud Man from Wufei with a small jade fish on the end of his line, and a book of colony maps with a star map inside from Quatre.

Presents scattered, the five of them relaxed into talking about what to do with the rest of their day. Someone mentioned a movie while someone else talked of going to the river and walking down to the quay and back again. Finally it was decided that after lunch they'd do this and break off after dinner to their respective rooms, because, as Duo teased, Trowa and Wufei would be unbearable after they'd read a few of those stories. 

And neither of the lovers said otherwise.

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_____((GAH! Can you believe it??? I'm leaving you there! Oh it's so mean and I'm so evil and it's like.. eight pages by now so you'll just have to wait. Mmmuuuuahahhhaaaa! I've figured it out though now. And it IS two more chapters. One epilogue and one ending chap. - I can't believe I'm going to write a flipping epilogue! - Or heck.. maybe two more ending chapters and an epilogue - this muse is MURDER! SAVE ME! - Nevertheless, by the end of next chapter, we shall have resolved things... so don't worry! Everything shall be made clear then. [in her best mystical guru voice] Hope you enjoyed it!)) _


	14. Howe to the Rescue

((_And here it is! The attempt to make a love story come out right. _

_Warning: Yaoi. Don't know what it is, don't read it. Kay? _

_Disclaimer: And no, they aren't mine. No matter how much I wish they were. _

_EarthGurl: [snicker] Hey! What're friends for, eh? If not to be mean and torture one another? [ignores Tex's cries of insolence in the background]_

_Akenna: I shall! I shall! Thanks for the encouragement. : ) _

_And on with the show!))_

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Howe to the Rescue

'_Socks. Why socks?_' The thought rested in Heero's brain all that day. He had, characteristically (though none would have known it to be characteristic at all) lain the socks down, carefully, atop his dresser, ran his hands over their slightly soft surface, and then with a shake of his head, sat atop his bed, crossing his legs, and drifted into the confusion. What was he going to do now?

His face crinkled into concern, he thought back to the box and its contents. Perhaps it was a good thing Duo hadn't discovered the way in yet. Perhaps he needed to go down later... ah, yes. A mission perhaps. No, a mission for certain. His stomach twisted in knots and he stared at the socks gleaming black and silver on his dresser.

'_Socks_.' Mouth turned down, Heero shook his head to clear it and twisted to the right, plucking his bag from aside his bed and letting it settle next to his thigh, then opening it, pulled out worn flannel pajamas. Red and green things, they were hideous, but deliciously comfortable and Heero was a man for things just like that when he'd spent too much of his childhood with so little in the way of comfort.

Besides, they reminded him of his best friend.

Fingering the material, Heero glanced up again at the socks and frowned.

'_Why socks?_"

The day had gone perfectly, really. And but for the disparity in the gifts, Heero had found himself content enough. The walk to the river and then further to the quay, nothing more than four and a half miles total and all over flat, was a true stroll to the five young men, and they talked most of the way down, enjoying the sunshine and the quiet of the town, most of the world either asleep or curling up with family next to trees and piles of crumpled tissue paper.

"Why do you think that we put out snowmen?" Duo asked, his eyes all the more beautiful for the fact that they danced more in the sunlight than almost anywhere else.

"Hn." Heero shrugged and looked sidelong at Quatre. Behind the three of them, Wufei and Trowa sauntered a bit further back, heads together and arms around one another's waists. The two had found a comfortable means of showing affection and generally were more than willing to allow the rest of the pilots into their small world. But every now and then, they steeped themselves in the love they'd forged carefully over the years, a bond that was growing stronger, is such a thing were possible.

'But it _is_ possible,' Heero thought to himself as he looked back at the pair, finding a spike of envy working its way into his heart. It was a bittersweet feeling. For what the two had was beautiful to see, but, he feared, unattainable. Considering the conversation that he had had the night that Duo had ... well, kissed him (was that a flush rising?) he could accept that of them all, he was most dependent on his friends and most likely to never find anyone who he could completely trust with his body, his heart, his love.

It was an unfairness which rankled. Heero had discovered over the years after the war, when his life began to open and limitless possibilities of being had opened spread before him like a great adventure, a banquet waiting to be taken, that he was, in fact, very passionate about many things. And the depth of feeling he had for his fellow pilots was unlike anything else in his life. He loved each and every one of them desperately. So much so, that a two of them, Quatre and Duo, were air to him and he would suffocate in the world without their being around, their being near. So how unfair could it be that he neither was practiced at showing the world the depths he held, not that the only beings in the world that he felt such depth for, were all men and all far more alive and able to live than he was?

Quatre would, Heero could believe it while Quatre could not, eventually manage to gather courage and ask Sally Po out. It seemed such a silly thing, to date after saving the world. But Quatre would go about it the right way, the proper way, and Sally would not object, being somewhat traditional herself, despite the fire that was in her. A blind man could have seen what emotions had been lingering with the pair of them since only a few years back when Quatre had grown into his manhood and taken on his father's business and discovered that he had an interest outside of Gundams and family.  
  
And Duo? Duo... was a man with more heart and more courage than anyone Heero knew. He constantly extended himself, reaching out with arms and a smile to embrace the world. While he feared being alone, feared that he was broken, the truth of the matter was that Duo was the least broken of them all. He had a heart, torn as it was, and it beat so much fire that the young man need only take his pick of the hundreds of loves that would lay themselves at his feet should he call. Or even start to look.

Heero shook himself free of his thoughts and returned to gaze at Duo who was standing on the sidewalk, his head tilted to one side, staring at the snowman as if it should do something to prove its worth, its excuse for being here in this snowless world. Quatre leaned against Duo with a chuckle and then reached behind his back, an action which Heero noted, but was a complete surprise to Duo, and dug his fingers into Duo's side. Duo's reaction was predictably immediate and the pair broke off to run down the road ahead, screaming in laughter like a pair of children.

"What would we do without them?" Trowa's comfortable tone rung true as he and Wufei paused beside Heero.

"I'm sure I don't know.." Heero answered honestly.

"Have a quiet breakfast? And a quiet day? And a quiet life? An- mmmm" Wufei's sarcastic comment dashed to the ground by a kiss from Trowa and the chinese pilot laughed into Trowa's lips, chuckling as they broke apart. "It would be quiet."

"Not with you two," Heero cut in with a droll look at them both.

"At least, not since we've got the book," Trowa's grin could be nothing short of lecherous.

Heero cleared his throat and continued walking, finding that his friends kept to his side. It didn't bother him, actually. He enjoyed their nearness. But for some reason on this particular day, the sight of their happiness wriggled under his skin and left him with the uncomfortable desire to tear at his arms and legs to rid them of the need to _do_ something.

"You know," Trowa continued after a moment's silence, "I've been wondering about Duo's gift to you, Heero. Socks? Am I missing some significance that you and he know about?"

Heero could sense his face paling. The question had been bothering him as well. And it was tied up with an equally disturbing thought. His gift to Duo. And the inequality between the two. Granted, Duo hadn't opened the box yet. But it was only a matter of time. "No." He ground out, his brow dropping in worry and anger. "You're missing nothing I've not missed as well."  
  
"Ah.."

Trowa's soft reply only served to bother Heero more and with a short "Hn," he sped up his walking to catch up to Quatre who had leaned against a fence and was laughing with Duo about something more than likely childish and funny only to the two of them. They really were close, Heero realized for the millionth time. Duo and Quatre, like two lights, two stars shining in the darkness of a life that had so little light in the first place.

Dammit.

"Hey Hee-chan!" Duo crowed and pushed off of the fence, "What would you do if you had a dog? What kind would it be?" and at the question, the pair dissolved into laughter again.

Heero would have preferred to stalk off under the pretense of a misunderstanding that his two friends were laughing at him. But that would have only led to Duo chasing after him and bothering him until he came clean or until he forgave them both. And he wasn't feeling up to having a ruthless Duo tagging along behind him with the normal run of Duo'isms to make him cheer up. They often worked and today they would only serve to leave him feeling more confused and hurt and ... afraid.

So instead he quirked a small twist of a smile, hoping that no one was looking too closely to see it did not have the same buoyancy as usual and shrugged. "A very large, very goofy looking hound. The shaggier the better. With a vicious tongue and a habit of never listening to anything I ever say."  
  
"See? No lap dogs for him! You're wrong!" Quatre pointed a finger at Duo and the group turned the corner, heading down the two block path leading to the river's edge.

"Awe, but his dog would be cute, so I don't mind being wrong.. you've got good taste, Hee-chan.." Duo cozied up to Heero and laughed.

"Sounds like a dog form of you, Duo.." Quatre giggled.

A smirk raised on Heero's mouth and he looked at his friend. "Well, go with what you know.." and the other two broke out into peals of laughter.

Wufei and Trowa caught up with the three of them soon after and as a group they followed the river's edge by way of a community bike path overshadowed with trees, willow like shrubs, and lined with potted flowers. Following this down, they came to the quay where they lounged, gazing out into the far blue for a few hours, talking and watching Duo and Quatre make grass ropes, slender and light golden brown, before returning home by the same path where, as the final tradition of their holidays, they ate dinner and then opened up their stockings just before parting for their separate rooms.

Heero had expected, in a slightly unhopeful way, that there would be the true gift in his stocking. That making him wait had been Duo's idea of a very mean joke. But no such thing. Instead, he had the same orange, set of cheap pens, bottle of fingernail polish (his was purple), and miniature teddy bear with moveable arms and a red bow around it's neck.

And so it was, he sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the socks on his dresser, contemplating the day and fighting the sudden rise of panic. Drawing the sleep wear up over his legs, and tying them off at his waist, Heero slipped into the sleeping house, making his way down the long curling staircase and turning at its base into the small sitting room they had occupied the night before. The servants had cleared the paper plates, the tissue, and the sleeping bags. But for the cheap toys, trinkets, and tree, and the stockings hanging from the mantle, the room was clean and showed no signs of having being occupied by five young men the entire day before.

Crossing the room, he knelt before the tree, peering at the conglomeration of gifts heaped, unwrapped and waiting to be taken home tomorrow. And there, under Wufei and Trowa's blanket, peeked the golden corner of the cedar box. Heero worked it out from under the tree with only a few casualties of tinsel on his shoulders and hair, and settling back cross legged, bent over the golden surface.

"You know, your feet will get cold," the soft voice from the doorway made him jump and Heero turned with what he expected was a guilty expression to find Duo leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed over his bare chest and his hair out of its braid hanging like a tumble of autumnal color over his shoulder, trailing down across his abdomen and curling at his hip.

Heero felt his heart drop into the bottom of his soul. Caught. His hands curled reflexively, his finger pushing inadvertently against the catch. The top of the box lifted with a silence and Duo's eyes widened. "Ah... so that's how you do it," His smile grew as he crossed the room and Heero was terrified to see that the black and white socks tugged at Duo's fingertips, lingering under Duo's elbow where his hand folded securely against his chest.

Heero turned, looking down into the box and snatched for the envelope, stuffed it behind his back and stood, leaving the box on the floor for Duo's inspection. His stomach was shaking and he wanted to go upstairs because he wanted to cry. And it wouldn't do to cry over something so silly as a disaster averted. Or hopes dashed to pieces. 

[] [] [] [] [] 

Duo enjoyed his day. Well, except for the fact that something was off with Heero all day. Heero, always so calm, was struggling and Duo was sure he knew why too.

The socks.

He knew it was stupid, but he'd wanted it to be a surprise and he had hoped as well, that he might find a better time to make sure Heero found it. It just, well,... It was scary as shit and he wasn't feeling very brave.

Of course, he had his own problems. He'd spent the entire time before lunch puzzling over the box, looking for hidden seams and locking mechanisms. But other than being able to see that there was a top that had to come off somehow, and being assured that it didn't take much force from Heero (presumably to keep Duo from breaking the box apart with a hammer, a chisel, and a pair of pliers), he had come up with nothing.  
  
A box? It was driving him mad. And maybe he took it out on Heero a bit, hanging with Quatre more than he would have. Not that Quat minded or even noticed. Not that anyone noticed really. Duo didn't have the heart to completely ignore his best friend, didn't want to ignore him, wanted instead to...

Damn. There is danger in watching your roomie staring at socks and stroking their surface and looking all cute and unbearably confused. At least when you're in love with said roomie. Yeah, in love. He had told the truth to Howe at least. And now he'd told the truth to himself. Not like he could avoid it, seeing as how every time Heero had come up against him, near him, looked at him, talked to him.. hell, just Heero being within shouting distance was making Duo's heart race. He felt as if he was on the verge of a mental breakdown half of the time and the other half, he was enjoying his friendship, the solidity of Heero and him.

What a crazy place. He felt he might be going mad. Bi-polar or something. Just trying to keep it together was enough to almost rip him in two. Still, he held on tightly, a dying man's grip actually, to the knowledge that their friendship would continue and that he would only have to get through this particular storm. What difference was there in this? He'd dealt with emotional upsets and they always seemed to pass on, to die eventually, or at least to get easier. Hell, he had lost Father Maxwell and the kids and Sister Helen. He could manage a little bit of love sickness.

The day went well. The walk went well. Dinner went well. He got a kick out of Trowa and Wufei and he would have to ask later what story they liked so much. And even the talk after dinner with Quatre and Heero around glasses of wine in Quatre's far more finely decorated great room went well.

It was getting sleep that seemed to be the trouble. Duo paced in his room, fiddling with the waist elastic of his pajama bottoms. Until, with an exasperated sigh, he tore out into the hall and on silent feet, stole to Heero's room.

There was no answer to his repeated knock and so he peeked in. Suitcase on the bed, pajamas gone, it would be hard not to miss the glare of plaid amongst the rest of Heero's things which tended toward more muted, dark colors. The flannels were a gift from Duo three years before. A gift that the rest of them rued and complained often to Duo about. Red and green flannel were fine, but they had gotten old and ratty and frankly, they just weren't worth wearing any longer. Only Duo thought they were cute and he'd said as much. So yeah, he'd defended those pj bottoms.  
  
"Heero?" he queried into the room, sidling in and checking through the open bathroom door. Turning to head back out and look elsewhere, Duo stopped at the sight of the socks. With trembling fingers, he reached out and touched them, picked them up, dug his fingers into their plush edges. And sighed in relief. No. Not yet.

Catching up the socks, he steeled himself to the inevitable and sauntered into the house on a Heero Hunt. It managed to not be very long, for coming to the bottom of the stairs, he saw the side lamp on in the sitting room and so he headed that way.  
  
It's said that the lost object is always in the last place you look. Because after that you stop looking. So Heero is in the last and first place Duo searches and something about that makes his stomach roil. First and last. Yeah.

Crossing his arms, he leaned against the doorway, watching his best friend bent over... his box? He chuckled inwardly and tried to not let his breath catch nor his voice sound more husky than normal when he spoke. The sight of Heero's back, the rush of muscle like a force of water under satin made Duo's knees weak. '_Dammit.. this is your friend. Friend. And not just a friend. Your best friend. Back off, man_,' Duo thought desperately to himself.

He cleared his throat imperceptibly to get the last of the heart out of his throat and then broke the silence, feeling almost sacrilegious in doing so. "You know, your feet will get cold."  
  
Ah shit. He hadn't meant to say that. Of course, he wasn't sure what he'd meant to say, but that, well that was a recipe for disaster.

Heero turned, looked at him with a blank expression and with a turn of his body, what he was bent over was plain in sight. And opening.  
  
"Ah... so that's how you do it," Duo wanted to exult. His box. He was going to get a chance to look in his box.  
  
Heero turned and with a scrambling, stood up and backed toward the fireplace, looking, Duo thought, somewhat as if he'd been caught and released at the same time. Scared and relieved. But then, that was assuming a lot, considering that his expression hadn't changed much. It was more in the way he moved, the set of his body, his way of taking a step back and leaving his foot just touching the ground, ready to turn and run or step forward or...

"There's a catch. It's plain now, if you turn the box over," Heero's voice sounded strained and Duo looked at him, confused slightly but his joy at seeing inside of his box made him overlook everything else.

"Really?" Duo had to empty it first, but he felt under and found the small catch. Ah. There. Not to be deterred however, he leaned over the box and began to remove the contents. It was full of other small boxes, these with hinges. He gasped at the sight. "Heero.. this is amazing..." and putting the socks to the side, he looked up and beamed at his best friend. "Don't just stand there, come here and explain it all to me!" He nodded to the floor next to him and instantly went to opening boxes.

And looking at the contents in confusion. Disks, red and black in one. And black and white marbles in another. Some different colored stones in a third. No wonder the box was so damn heavy. And at the bottom, four red ribbons tucked over a half box snug in the first so that one could pull on the ribbons and draw out the box to get at what was in it.  
  
"It's.." Heero settled by him and reached for the box of stones. "Mancala.." his voice soft, made Duo shiver, realizing that he was enjoying this far too much, the nearness of Heero and the mystery of the objects. "Ah, Checkers.."

"Checkers?" Duo's eyes lit up. "These are games?" he'd managed the bottom box out of the larger one and set it atop, finding it had a split in the wood on the side so that he could see that it was not closed, but open on the top, but with various wooden layers. Pulling off one, he turned it over and smiled. "This must be for the checkers.. and this.." another, "this is what?" unfolding it, finding pits in the elongated box.  
  
"That's the Mancala.. and there's Backgammon as well in there and that bottom one is Chinese Checkers. There's um... there's another set under that.." and Heero reached in, taking out a last pair of boxes, set one on each side of the box to hold the rest up. Heero opened it and held it out for Duo's inspection. Inside, resting on red velvet, chess men stared blankly out at the world and Duo gasped.

"Umm.. and some card games.." Heero managed at last, pointing out the various cardboard holders and smiled. It was his shy smile. As if he wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing or not.

"Oh man.. Heero.. this is amazing! This is so amazing!" Duo exclaimed over each and every piece, tracing the bumpy lines of a knight and then brushing his thumb and forefinger over the rounder, smoother sides of a rook. "I... this is amazing.."

He looked up to find Heero smiling down at him. No longer was there the worry or the fear. Their friendship had smoothed over a rough moment for them again and Duo didn't bumrush a hug on Heero to upset the balance they'd precariously set up.

But he did lick his lips and reach down, pick up the socks at his side and hand them over. "Your feet." He ventured and clutching the box watched Heero closely. Yes, there was that same pain again in those darkened blue eyes. Heero really thought that the socks were it. Duo grinned. "Put em on, you dolt." He couldn't contain his glee and that it was spiked a bit with pure terror didn't hurt either.

Heero stared at him and then nodding, compliantly put his left foot in one, then slipped the right in.

Duo waited.

A slight sense of irritation and confusion passed over Heero's face and he wriggled his toes.

"What's wrong?" Duo couldn't stop himself from grinning a bit in anticipation.

"Hn.." Heero, another of his inexplicable grunts. But this one meant he was trying to figure it out. Duo watched Heero pull off the right sock and turn it over. Nothing. It would have been stuck. So a moment after he reached in to pull at the toe and turn it inside out.

Duo could tell he knew the minute his fingers closed over it because Heero's face turned white. His eyes lifted to stare at Duo and Duo was shocked to see tears, just a slight glisten of mercury silver rimming the bottom of his lid. "Duo.." Heero whispered in shock and with a tremble, drew his hand back out.

Duo chewed on his lower lip and took a sharp breath to match Heero's shocked gasp. It was now or never.  
  
"But.. this..." Heero stared at the glittering gold in his palm and his eyes shot up to look at Duo's bare chest. It was just normal to see Duo wearing his necklace, so he hadn't noticed when it had been gone.

"I..." Duo looked down with a grimace and a blush. "I just wanted you to know... how much your... your friendship means to me." That and so much more, but he wasn't ready yet to take that kind of chance. Not yet.

Silence met his admission and Duo didn't have the courage to look up. So he twisted his hands around the box and tugged it so close that it's edge cut into his ribs.

A rustle of paper and Duo blinked. Before him was an envelope, shuddering because the hand that held it shuddered. And as if embarrassed to see the paper dance, the hand that held it let it go, and they both watched it fall into the box and land on top of the four boxes of cards at the bottom, tipped sideways with its far end lifted across the container of black chessmen.

Duo looked up in confusion and saw Heero watching him with something unreadable in his eyes. "Open it.." Heero intoned, pure Perfect Soldier. A voice he only used when he was working hard at keeping his emotions in check.

Duo didn't manage a joker's smile to match the moment. Instead he ducked his head once more and lifted the envelope and pulled out the tri folded pages. Carefully he opened them and looked down at what was below him. Then, softly, he read aloud, "What Makes Him Smile... by... by... Howard's Boi."

"I... wrote it... umm... a week ago. But I wanted to give it to you... now." Heero's voice faltered.

Duo looked up in shock. "But... Howe is..."

Heero wasn't looking at him right then, instead, a flush suffusing his golden skin, he was tenderly stroking the edge of the cross in his fingers. "I - ah. I found the story site about a year ago. It took me a few months to work up the courage to try my hand at it, but I figured no one would ever find out. And besides.. it was a way... a way to... to express myself.."

"But Howe is ..."

"And so I wrote there.." Heero continued on stubbornly. "And it helped me keep things in check, to not do something stupid and ruin our friendship. Because it means so much more than anything else. I.. I don't know what I'd do without your friendship, Duo."

Duo shook his head. "But... Howe is, a.. a.. "

"Howe is me." Heero tried not to bend the cross as fear took him over. Had he misread everything? The cross, the words to Howe, the kiss? Even after all of the signs, had he still been wrong? With a wince, he looked up, staring into violet depths so shocked that they appeared darker, shot through with gold here and there, like interlaced fingers. And with a greater bravery than he'd know he could ever have, Heero whispered to those very eyes, "I love you. I do not know why. But I love you. I cannot help myself. I cannot stop myself. I only know that I must have you in my life, forever. From this moment on, I will not be able to let you go without letting my very heart leave my body. I have been waiting for you, wanting you, needing you, from the day I took my first breath. But I did not know it until this moment. Please, do not deny me. Do not leave me to this hunger which will eat me alive. Do not abandon me after I've found the sole reason for my life, to live for you and to make you happy. I love you. I do not know why. But I love you. I cannot help myself. I cannot stop myself. I only know that I must have you in my life, forever." His voice rose and fell, finding courage and losing it when no change could be seen on Duo's face and in the end, finished in an even smaller whisper than it had begun in. With a sudden blinking to clear his muzzled sight, Heero looked down at the cross he'd never thought to ever see anywhere but on Duo's chest, nestled between those wings of collar bone and sobbed a soft, "Please..."

Duo stared at his best friend. Heero. Best friend. They sat in silence, that please echoing. And then Duo dropped his gaze and began to read. Heero moved slightly, wanting to get up, but Duo's hand landing on his knee held him as if a three ton rock had landed on him. Duo could feel Heero trembling under his palm as he read. The story filled with so much more than any of the others had held. This one was a true story, or a true fantasy. It was, Duo suspected, what Heero, or Howard's Boi, had meant when he said that he wrote private things from which the stories came from. This one, instead of watching a story from a distance, was from Heero's heart. This was the soft things that whispered behind the fictions, the tenderness, the watchfulness, the pure need, the fear, the love... oh there was so much love there. He was finishing the last page when Heero's panted fearful laugh breaks in.

"It.. it was in the box. I didn't know what to do though.. when you gave me the socks. And you'd written how you had found the perfect gift.."

Duo looked up, staring at his friend as Heero trudged into the moment blindly. With a soft smile, Duo placed the box to the side, the story dropped inside as well, the last paragraph unread but known anyway. Because the entire writing had reflected his own heart, his own thoughts, his own feelings. Heero had been aware far longer and his emotions were matured, but they still longed, still needed, still wanted, and still burned bright as Duo's.

"So then I got confused about them. I just... wasn't sure what to do so I thought if you didn't get the box open I could sneak it out and you might not guess. There's.. there's Gotcha in there too.." his laugh sounded desperate and Heero clutched the necklace.

Duo reached out, taking up the end of the necklace and pulling it lightly from Heero's grasp. A soft muffled sound came from the other man's mouth and he all but bent in half. Duo blinked, shocked at the sudden show of abject misery and then realized what it must seem like. So with a patient smile and tears in his own eyes, he kneeled, taking his hand off of Heero's knee and putting it on Heero's shoulder, and shuffling behind, reached around. Carefully, the cross still warm from Heero's hand but the chain chilly, Duo fastened the pendant around his love's neck and bent with a whisper of breath, and kissed the smooth skin, the light hill of Heero's spine where his neck and shoulder joined.

A soft gasp littered the ground and Heero looked down, hand touching the cross. Then turned to meet the smiling eyes of Duo. No, not just smiling. They were blazing with a million things Heero would have never thought to see, never hoped for, never did anything but dream of. Still, he feared. "I... I should have told you..."

"Yes... you should've.. but enough should'ing on you, hmm?" Duo's beautiful eyes sparkled in laughter. The one time when his eyes were more luminous than in the sunshine was when Duo was sharing something private, some beautiful private joy, and he was so close that you could feel him breathe, you were sharing his air. That was the moment, years before, the same moment when Heero had realized that he loved his best friend, his compatriot, his fellow pilot. That moment when he'd first seen the dance of light in those joy filled eyes, just as he could see them now.

"I just wasn't sure.. and you seemed so scared. And you didn't know... so I thought that if I kept on just being here, that maybe you'd find out on your own. Or maybe I'd know for certain and I could put it aside. I mean, if you weren't interested in m-m-me.." Heero's voice faltered as Duo's fingers slid silken across the skin of his neck and the hot palm of Duo's hand fit to his jawline. "Then... then I could.." he continued breathlessly, staring in shock at the violet perfection that was nearing him all the time, his mind stalling and every single nerve in his skin singing in exultation, "Could, umm... at least back off and be sure that.. that I didn't do anything.. any... thing... st-stupid.. l-l-like I wanted t-hmmmmm..." and the last of his words died, captured and transformed into a sigh as Duo's lips covered his, stopping all further conversation.

* * *

((_Dang, nothing cuter than an absolutely nervous Heero. No Citrus in this fic, everyone. The boys are just beginning and I'll be hanged if they jump into bed right off the bat. That would be almost cheating. But there ARE two more chapters coming up! So not done completely. Not just yet. Just don't kill me cause there be no citrus beyond that fic of Howe's.))_


	15. The Rest As We Would Have It

((Well... I certainly wasn't planning on doing this, but I got accused of leaving people on a cliff hanger (mean evil authoress!) with that kiss. Heh heh. SO... here it is. The next few moments. I have a b'day party to go to, so I'll be doing later, what I had planned for an end and all. I'll do an epilogue after this... and dang it, but if they're still nagging me, then I'll be found a liar again and keep on going. But for NOW, there is an epilogue, kay?

SilentOne: Hee! You're catching up to me. I appreciate all the thoughts.. ermm... back there. : ) And I hope you enjoy it!

Gacktosan: : ) I like that when I have an idea of who it might be and it works out to what I expected. I hope the same is for you! It also means I didn't make Howard's Boi so unbelievably Heero that it's not a "What? NO! Heero would NEVER be like that darn it!" Unless you'd have rather been surprised! Ack! Heh.

Anissa: Well my dear! You have certainly lit up my writing life! I really liked writing that. I love Heero all unsure and the tension and yeah... all of that. And so yes, I'm SO SORRY for leaving you hanging and I will most definitely fill in the blanks and not be a meanie. So here is the smooching session. Heh. Just for you!))

* * *

The Rest As We Would Have It

:: Duo reached out, taking up the end of the necklace and pulling it lightly from Heero's grasp. A soft muffled sound came from the other man's mouth and he all but bent in half. Duo blinked, shocked at the sudden show of abject misery and then realized what it must seem like. So with a patient smile and tears in his own eyes, he kneeled, taking his hand off of Heero's knee and putting it on Heero's shoulder, and shuffling behind, reached around. Carefully, the cross still warm from Heero's hand but the chain chilly, Duo fastened the pendant around his love's neck and bent with a whisper of breath, and kissed the smooth skin, the light hill of Heero's spine where his neck and shoulder joined.

A soft gasp littered the ground and Heero looked down, hand touching the cross. Then turned to meet the smiling eyes of Duo. No, not just smiling. They were blazing with a million things Heero would have never thought to see, never hoped for, never did anything but dream of. Still, he feared. "I... I should have told you..."

"Yes... you should've.. but enough should'ing on you, hmm?" Duo's beautiful eyes sparkled in laughter. The one time when his eyes were more luminous than in the sunshine was when Duo was sharing something private, some beautiful private joy, and he was so close that you could feel him breathe, you were sharing his air. That was the moment, years before, the same moment when Heero had realized that he loved his best friend, his compatriot, his fellow pilot. That moment when he'd first seen the dance of light in those joy filled eyes, just as he could see them now.

"I just wasn't sure.. and you seemed so scared. And you didn't know... so I thought that if I kept on just being here, that maybe you'd find out on your own. Or maybe I'd know for certain and I could put it aside. I mean, if you weren't interested in m-m-me.." Heero's voice faltered as Duo's fingers slid silken across the skin of his neck and the hot palm of Duo's hand fit to his jawline. "Then... then I could.." he continued breathlessly, staring in shock at the violet perfection that was nearing him all the time, his mind stalling and every single nerve in his skin singing in exultation, "Could, umm... at least back off and be sure that.. that I didn't do anything.. any... thing... st-stupid.. l-l-like I wanted t-hmmmmm..." and the last of his words died, captured and transformed into a sigh as Duo's lips covered his, stopping all further conversation.::

It was a shy kiss, for all of Duo's boldness. Nothing like the shock of lips and arms and body that had assailed Heero in the parking lot two weeks earlier. This was but a brush of lips, a gentle press to his mouth that warmed by simple contact rather than hunger and left nothing swollen, noone panting for air. It was only a silencing and it lasted only a moment. With a soft sound of skin brushing skin, pajamas rustling in the stillness, Duo pulled back and Heero found himself letting his air go in a soft sigh.

"I can't believe I did that.." Duo laughed breathlessly, his violet eyes dancing and a blush rising upon his cheeks.

"Hmm?" Heero managed to open his eyes and find the small smile just a foot from him.

Duo's laughter washed over him. "Kissed you. I mean.." and the stillness swallowed them both. "oh."

It was strange, seeing the sudden bashfulness break in on Duo's expression. The feeling simply did not seem to fit the normal exuberance on that heart shaped face. Heero felt a rise of tenderness and his mouth twitched, curled into a smile. "Not a mistake though. I hope?"

But no, it wasn't a mistake. They both knew it. It was simply - well. New. Or rather, new to Duo. "How long have you... you know.." Duo ventured, the peach of his skin turning closer to lobster and his eyes memorizing Heero's face all over again. Funny. One small kiss and knowing that the next would be welcome suddenly made those kisses feel even further away than they had ever been before. '_Okay, Heero, I made the first move. What will you do now?_' he watched Heero's face and felt his body tensing with every passing moment. There was something newly revealed in those dark blue eyes. Or perhaps he simply had never allowed himself to see it before. Something that seemed frighteningly like... love?

'_Tch. Of course it's love, you ninny. Not like he wrote all of that for nothing! And all of the others and... oh wow._' Duo blinked, realizing that Heero was speaking.

"... and then I just knew. I forget what you were so happy about, and it has been three years of course, so I guess it doesn't really matter now does it?" Heero tilted his head to one side and biting the corner of his mouth reached out, brushed Duo's bangs out of one eye. "Does it?"

"Three years..." Duo murmured, surprised. "You've loved me for three years?"

"No." Heero dropped his hand and Duo's skin wept. "I've loved you for far longer. I've only been in love with you for three years. I love you all. I just... love you more." He smiled again and Duo melted. That smile. And it was just for him. Or it was his. Or.. well, he didn't own Heero, but he could declare a little bit more possession than anyone else could. Heero's normally calm face pinched in anxiety. "Look, Duo. I know this is new to you. I'm willing to wait. We'll just wait until things are comfortable for you. Two weeks really isn't very long to get used to the idea."  
  
"Kiss me."  
  
"What?" Heero stared.

"Please? I - I kissed you first. It's your turn." Duo's face was the prettiest shade of red and his breath was coming short. He knew his heart was going faster than he'd ever thought possible and he hoped he didn't go and have a heart attack before he got his kiss.

"Are you sure?" the murmured voice was close. Duo looked up to see Heero leaning in. "I can wait. I've waited three years. I can wait if you need time." Heero brushed his hand along Duo's arm in a comforting gesture and Duo felt like he could scream.

"Heero, you know I hate asking more than once. And I've waited two weeks. And that feels enough like three years. Now, before I kill you for making me wait five more minutes, kiss me!"

Heero laughed and felt the fear and concern break free completely, dance past and dart into the sunlight, dissipating into nothing. Three years of hiding. It was almost impossible to believe. "Well, then I'd best get to it, hadn't I?"

Duo could feel no uncertainty in the fitting of Heero's lips over his. He was sure he'd dreamed of it before, imagined it enough within the auspices of the fictions he'd written, but reality shattered all of those.

Heero's lips were warm, softer than he'd ever have dreamed them to be, and there was an insistence, a questioning, no, more like an invitation in their touch. Duo felt himself stumble, '_But I'm sitting down,_' and to keep himself from losing his balance, caught Heero around the neck.

Apparently it was all the confirmation Heero needed. With a soft sound much like a groan which made Duo's fingers itch and his body tense, Heero grasped Duo around the waist and pulled him closer, fitting Duo into his lap and curling himself around the long haired man. Not noticing more than the swooned fog he was in, Duo felt Heero nip at his lower lip and opened his mouth, instinctively wanting to taste something besides... beyond himself.

Heero delved into the warmth waiting him with a hunger that could not be satisfied. Everything faded to the background, nothing existed outside of the sensation of Duo's hair caught in his fingertips, the pounding heartbeat against his own, the captured breath, and the taste of Duo, something sweet in that it came from Duo but strangely different from anything he'd read. There was nothing like peaches or cinnamon or cream or spices in this mouth. No, nothing but humanity, Duo, and an aftertaste of alcohol from the wine they'd had a few hours before. But it was better than anything he'd read about. Because this was real, a bit awkward, fumbling, and overpowering, but it fit like nothing else would ever fit again.

When he feared he might be tiring out his love, when his arms shook from holding Duo so close for too long, when he realized in sudden shock that he might very well take this further than either of them were willing to go, Heero drew back. But breaking off the kiss proved to be far more difficult than he'd thought. Duo's arms tightened around his neck and those sweet lips followed his. A groan of delight and frustration broke from Heero as he delved back into a kiss for but a moment and then pulled away, cupping Duo's face and gazing into the shining depths. "I love you," the words drawn from him, as breath is drawn in, necessary for life.

Duo laughed, soft and delighted, tucked himself up against Heero and dropped his head on Heero's shoulder with a contented sigh. "I know."

Heero let his fingers dive into the weight of hair that swept across his arm and shoulder and half covered Duo. He allowed them to run lightly along the nape of Duo's neck and chuckled when a chill rose up on Duo's arms. "Well, just so long as we're clear on that point," he added.

"Mmm.. very clear.." Duo's shy kiss to Heero's jaw stole Heero's breath away. Then, as if sensing that enough had passed that night, Duo grinned upwards, finding something beautiful in the hold that stern, quiet face had over him. "You gonna teach me to play Gotcha?"

"Hn." Heero's lips curled at the corners. "Someone has to."  
  
"Well then?" With a newfound joy in the meaning of Christmas, Duo scrambled out of Heero's arms and fell upon the game box, setting the story on the side with a tender brush over it's surface before finding the cards and sitting down crosslegged, the blinking of Christmas lights upon his impish face as he opened the box and shuffled. "So.. what first?"

Heero lifted his knee to his chest and curled an arm around it, set his chin atop and looked at his love. "Anything you want. And then everything after."

Duo's gaze laughed and he resisted stealing a kiss. There was time enough for kisses in forever. "I'll take you up on that."

"I hope you do." Heero loved the promise in those words. "Okay, let's see." He leaned forward and took the cards from slender fingers, relishing the permission he had to enjoy such subtle contact, and began to deal cards.

* * *

((_Alright! An interlude and the cute kissie scene after. The last two chapters - haven't you discovered ya can't trust me to keep to numbers yet? - will be forthcoming!_)) 


	16. Howling, Howle, and Gardner

((_Finally! The not-epilogue. Heh. Though it reads kind of like it. I could switch this and the last, but I think I'll keep to my original plan. I like beginning and ending with the boys. I don't think Duo's as good a writer as Heero, so we shall see if I can pull it off, eh?_

_Warning: Yaoi. Don't know what it is, don't read it, kay? Just better for everyone concerned. _

_Disclaimers: Only one. I don't have them. I didn't hide them. And if they're missing, someone else has stolen them. I just borrow the idea once in a while and twist it to my satisfaction. _

_On to the show then! _

_For the record, like Howe, I own SxyKtn's story. No stealie stealie by me. If for some reason it seems like another, it is completely accidental and I had no intention of taking anyone's idea.))_

* * *

Submission by _SxyKtn_ 03:12 EMT 12/26  
::Howling, Howle, and Gardner:: [ AU - 02/01]

- _Hiro's name is not a misprint, kay? Callin' him "Heero" and it's cause I want to, so nyah! No flames allowed for that, unless you wanna get flamed back._  
- _Dedicated to Howe, the real Howe, for Christmas and all the many more which are to come. I love you. And since you love me, life is good! _

Duo's bag rattled the door when he dropped it. And heaven knew, the door couldn't stand up to much rattling before it started to consider falling off of it's hinges, sick of the whole hanging on thing. It rattled, mainly because the bag was full to the brim of shit that no one needed, least of all him, but that he felt he had to carry around. Just one of those things that pack rats from L2 have to do. Computer bits, pieces of tinfoil, wires, a broken concrete block. Sucked, really. Having to pick up stuff just because yer mind tells you to.

L2. Shit hole of the universe. Ever been there? No? Don't put it on any vacation lists. It's a hell hole and a half. Something to put the real thing to shame. Of course, if you're the type looking to be corrupted, it's the finest draught in the universe. You can get drunk on it's fucking air in a matter of minutes from stepping off the shuttle, bombarded by winos and hookers, street kids, pick pockets, pushers, exhibitionists, junkies of every kind but mostly Stringies hopped up on Jazz, and all hemmed in by a nice fence of barbed wire that is supposed to keep you in and them out, but has, in the end, come to keep everyone in the same place.

They tried for fifteen years to keep that fence up. They tried to keep it together and the captain of the guard regularly lost control of his temper because of a new breach until his heart finally gave out and his doctor informed him that he'd have to get a less stressful job or die. Since the only other jobs available are layworker (pays shit), or one of those that he abhorred, he chose to simply lay off the screaming and the holes weren't such a big deal anymore.

Now Duo wasn't any of those. He didn't do work. He didn't do Jazz so he wasn't junked up. He didn't sell his body and he didn't drink himself into oblivion. No, he was what they'd call, some of the more random faces on L2 that most people wouldn't forget, a Mystic. Though his doctor called him paranoid schizophrenic with a comorbidity of Manic phases. Not that manic didn't go with paranoid schizophrenic. Duo had looked them all up in an old psychological reference book once when he was allowed to go into the library and he read about the voices and how they didn't have anything to do with reality and he laughed and left.

And so he's a mystic. And he wanders L2 with his hair a bright copper rope at his back and his eyes kinda lost, kinda off kilter, about fifteen degrees off center. And because everyone knew him, no one touched him. Just can't do nuthin to mystic men. Cause they might hex you or some shit and that's never good. But Duo hadn't ever hexed anyone and he couldn't. It didn't bother him that they thought he could. It left him unmolested and all. And you can't complain about anything like that.

He'd begun to find things when he was fourteen. He had a run in with the psych, a doc with a letter for a name because his name wasn't important enough to remember and now, years later, Duo was hard pressed to say it aloud or even think it. And after the run-in, he'd walked out into the streets and stopped because an old wine bottle was taking on this ruddy hue. It scared him, sorta flamed out, misted fingers of light to his ankles and touched his skin and begged for him to pick it up.  
  
So he did. And he'd kept on picking up shit like that ever since. Sometimes it was a coin in a gutter, flaring blue water ripples around it. Sometimes it was a green hazed tin can. A hub cap with whorls of gold rising in a plume over it. And sometimes, though rarely, it was something someone was wearing. This had only happened a few times before. He'd met a few friends that way, telling them they were wearing what he needed. Kitty, this blond kid from uptown, his father some rich bigwig owning half the fucking manufacturing plants that didn't pay people diddly squat but sold his stuff for two hundred percent rise on the .38 creds it took to make it. Kitty had had a key ring. Not the keys, just the ring. And then Nananshi. He was a street kid like Duo. They'd known one another for forever but never been friends. Until the day Nananshi walked out of a store with a load of Jazz that Duo needed the bag wrapped around. It was strange how when he saw something on someone, they always gave it to him. And then they followed him to see where their things went and after they saw, they always came back.  
  
The Dragon leader was the biggest surprise. No one bothered the Dragons. They ran a touch protection racket for hookers, making sure they kept their corners and knocking off the pimps if the whore had enough money to pay them for it. But Chang had a shoelace and Chang knew that Duo was a mystic so he bent down and undid it.

Today though, he hadn't asked for the necklace. It scared him. It floated in a sea of colors, each one wrapping around the other in an endless twine of growing siren call. He could still hear it, miles from the shuttle dock, beckoning him with a radiant light on the horizon. And he feared that it was the last piece and he wasn't sure he wanted to ask for the last piece.

It wasn't so much that the last piece was ugly. It was beautiful actually. It wasn't junk either. It wasn't an odd or an end. It was a simple, expensive, gold cross on the end of a chain and he knew that it was his, just like the tin cans and the wires and the broken concrete walkways were his. It was supposed to come home with him.

He had been leaning on the wire fence, arms crossed over his chest because Nananshi was doing some pick pocketing. You always thought of the pick pockets as the skinny as a rail kids. No one thought of Nananshi as someone who'd lift from you. He had a serious look about him and he was almost twenty. He was too old for that kinda shit. But he took care of a lot of kids and he fed Duo when Kitty and Chang didn't feed him and care for him. So he felt obligated.

The wire rattled in a sibilant whisper down it's length when Nananshi came up and dropped his shoulders back against it.

"Slim t'day."

"Mmmm.." Duo watched the shuttle moved by the small ant like tug attaching a lead to it's front wheel gear and pulling it this way and that to make room for the next one.

"See anything?" Nananshi wasn't much of a talker, but he could make Duo talk because mystics always had things to say and it filled in the silence that the street kid didn't like.

"Yeah.." Duo's voice intoned flat and listless for once. "There's that paper there, in the gutter. But its light keeps dying. It all seems like it's wrong. The lights are dying. I should get it, because I got all of the others but I watched them and..." he opened up the pack along his calf and stared down into the conglomeration of colors that burst into life then sputtered. "Feels like something is dying. Dunno what. Just feels like something is dying and I should know what to do to make it all stop."

"Something's dying?" Nananshi looked sharply at Duo. Mystics didn't say awful things like that unless something awful was going to happen.

"Or someone. I think that I saw it coming but I didn't want to believe it. A few years back, they started to dim. I haven't paid much attention but it's really happening fast now." Duo stopped, shooting a glance at his friend. "Dunno if that's a good thing or not. If they die, I don't have to pick them up anymore. And maybe I'll be normal. I won't have to ghost around like some lost puppy, trying to find the pieces to it all."

They watched the new shuttle arrive. It landed with a roar that forced most people to cover their ears. Duo didn't because he never cared enough. But along his side, Nananshi's fingers stuck deep in his ear canals. The backwash hit them, knocking Duo's braid around his body like a whip, smacking his neck and leaving a mark of red across his adam's apple. Then the great engines powered down and Duo shook his head to clear the ringing.

Crew ran out onto the landing pad, the one place that the security kept clear. Everyone knew that you didn't walk out on the pad if you weren't tagged to do so. They shot on sight. Fuck it if you're running after your true love or have some life and death question to ask a passenger. You're better off trying to get it to them some other way. Most of them had heard at least one story about how the wrong person had run out and with a cry or with terrible silence, jerked in a strange new and final dance on the tarmac. Often the bodies were still moving when they were moved and thrown off the side into the river that ran alongside the pad. They didn't have time and the shuttles were far more important than any stupid ass git who wanted to risk his life by running out on a landing pad with a huge sign that indicated his worth if he were ever caught alive out there.

Like thickly armored beetles, the crew in their fire retardant suits of singed black, swarmed over the shuttle, setting it's landing gear into brake locks, chaining them to the landing top with titanium one fifty gauge chains. Then the arduous process of fixing up the outside, cleaning off the space debris and letting it wash into the river. It was sludge, really. But no one said much about that because no one had time to care if the water they drank was tainted. They were all too busy dying off. Or killing one another.

"New lot.." Nananshi murmured and shoved off the fence. It rattled under Duo's shoulder and he watched his friend as Nananshi strolled out to the meeting platform, standing with the hordes of carrion crows and the few who were actually there to meet someone.

Once the shuttle was run down with the chemical mix of acids and detergents, the outer door lock was undone by a man on a hydraulic lift. It came open with a loud hiss and a show of cold air steaming out into the hot L2 world. The only moment when clean air entered the fucking place. And it was breathed in by a guy in a singed burn suit. Then the man entered into the cavernous air lock. From there, the rest was out of sight and Duo didn't know what happened. Nor did he care much. He'd seen it too many times, he took the lack of knowledge for granted, like one didn't know how a hyplane engine worked or what made the colony stay in just about the same place while the rest of the universe whirled around in cosmic time.

After this, the passengers would exit. There was always about two hundred. They waited to have a full shuttle before they took off to some place as crazy to go to as L2. Business men and tourists with an air of delight about them. This was Sin's Playground and many of them, older men with wives and children at home, would find delights here that they couldn't afford anywhere else. Here, where anyone would do anything for the right to just put food in their mouth.

Duo hadn't been watching when the glow first came. He was intent on Nananshi, trying to discover what made his friend so able. Yet he noticed the light dance of color out of the side of his focus. It bathed the area with a warm light, and it did not reach for Duo but was content without him. That in itself was strange. Because the objects always wanted him to come and get them.

When he turned to look it was like seeing the Hydro Planians for the first time, when the atmospheric machines went wrong and started pouring out the wrong types of ions into the air and the covering dome went into a dancing blaze of red and gold and purple and green, long lines of it. Someone called it worth the trip. And Duo wondered if the techs didn't finagle the machines to keep the mistake on a schedule. He wouldn't have been surprised if they touted it as something that was naturally occurring and that it often happened at oh five and sixteen hundred hours. Please feel free to step out on your balcony and watch them.

The colors! It was the colors first. They came rushing out of the shuttle door, preceding the object. Never had he seen such colors. Each one pulsing, alive, following a heart beat rhythm. His lungs caught and his arms fell to his side as he began to step forward, walking through the crowd, drawn by the colors that drew him on, drew him on with a song all their own.

The man was ignored, only what hung about his neck could be considered and so Duo did not look up until he was almost upon the owner of the thing that was really Duo's. Or at least he thought it must be. All the colored things were his, weren't they? So that meant this as well. But when a woman's back cut before him and covered the thing, it's light radiating through her and around the couple, Duo stopped.

The woman had golden honey hair and she was cooing but Duo couldn't hear anything over the heart beat filling his hearing. Her fingers traced the mussed up hair of the man who wore the necklace and she kissed him on the mouth. The man accepted the kiss without much reaction before he looked past her and found the violet eyes of the mystic. His eyes were dark blue, almost black, so intense was the color. And it was alive like the colors that poured from his necklace. Only this color reached for Duo and Duo pulled back from the long spider fine netting of blue which reached out to snare him.  
  
He took objects. He did not take eyes out of heads. Feeling shaky, he drew away, a confused look on his face as he rushed from the local port and left behind the necklace.

Nananshi found him later, settled next to him as they looked down into the river sliding past, slower from the foul smelling sludge that filled it.  
  
"You forgot your pack.." and the pick pocket let the heavy bag drop alongside Duo on the chair, the comfortable weight of objects pressing against Duo's thigh. "And you forgot me.."

"No.." Duo shook his head. "I didn't forget.. I just saw so many colors and I couldn't take them because then they'd die. Living things can't hold a color when they're inanimate. I know this. I don't know how I know it. I just know it. And I know that I can't ask for them because he'd never give them. And besides, she wouldn't let him." He knew he was making no sense, but it didn't matter. He was a mystic and there was no rule about having to make sense all of the time.

Later that evening, letting the bag drop onto the counter and staring at the objects which dimmed and then shone brightly, dying and rallying for another burst of color, he wondered about the steady pulse of the necklace and the way those eyes had reached for him in long broken webs of prussian blue.

Nananshi leaned back and groaned softly, rubbing his eyes. "Well.." and with a groan, he heaved himself forward and dug into his pockets, pulling out the day's loot and dropping it on the table. "Hmm... junk, junk, shit.. junk, junk.." fingers going through what his eyes had found, discovering now, when it's too late, what was worthwhile and what was not. The wallets proved okay. Though only a few of the tourists carried cash. Still, swiping the cred cards he could see if they had a balance and if so, how much, as well as if they would be culled or not. A culled card was no good, once too far from its owner, it just didn't work anymore. Of course, there were enough of the stupid married kind that had never done anything this adventurous and they carried the normal kind, not seeing any reason to use the added insurance a cull gave to their electronic accounts. Besides, how would their wives buy groceries to pay the milk man for all of his visits?  
  
Not that they didn't find that somewhat amusing, Duo and his friend.

"Damn.." Nananshi pulled a wallet and whistled low, staring at the paper creds wafting sound out as his thumb riffled the top.

"Shit, Nanan.." Duo sat down, reaching for the wallet and because he was a mystic and because they'd known one another long enough for Nananshi to know that Duo wasn't interested in money so much as the odd things that glowed, he was allowed to take it. "You do realize that only cops and bosses carry this much dough around with them." Duo's frown grew and he stood, moving to the other side of the kitchen where he dug into the untensil drawer, pulling a sniffer.

"Yeah." Nananshi thought back. Which one had this been? "The guy with the cross. I was gonna take the necklace, but he just looked too good."

"Hmm.. cross... like a priest?" Duo's eyes lifted from watching the output on the sniffer's screen while he held the device over the wallet, running it slowly down the length of it.

"Maybe. But he didn't look like no priest." The other young man laughed. "He had a gorgeous piece of ass hanging off of him that didn't look like she was goin' to confess anytime soon."

That was a lot from Nananshi and Duo watched his friend, realizing that yeah, his friend was nervous. And with reason too, as a soft beeping rolls out of his hand. "Shit.." he looked at the screen. "Tapped and traced." He let the wallet drop and looked around at his home. It glowed lightly with a sweet influx of color. He didn't want to leave it behind to be pawed by anyone, anyone, really.  
  
Nananshi winced. "My name." his face white.

Duo nodded, mouth pinched. With a calmness he didn't feel, he stooped, plucked the wallet from the ground and walked to the door, opening it. "Probably taping it. Get. They can't get me for more than accessory." His violet eyes dull, he watched his buddy head out then turned and leaned back against the door, hefting the wallet sightlessly in his hand.

Wasn't more than ten minutes before the knock came. Duo didn't answer it though. He'd left the wallet on the table near the door and he was laying down on his couch, holding a few of his pieces close, trying to get as much of the color off of them as he could.

The blast wasn't a surprise but he couldn't help it. "You coulda just kicked it in, stupid fucks!" his voice raw even though he'd just begun to scream. "Not like it was gonna hold up worth shit."

The stumbling of legs and feet, the shouts and the pushing, the way the wall hit his cheek and the way he held to a piece of wire that tried in vain to cover him in red, the colors flashing around, covering him with their fingers, wanting to not be left, not be forgotten, not be...

He could almost feel their hold snap, little tiny fingers breaking as he was hauled out of there in between all of the sounds of radio and engines and calls and questions that he couldn't answer because he couldn't really feel them. He was staring at a wisp of paper that had been blown out of the door from his place and was waiting, listlessly, next to the stoop, a feeble orange glow flickering over it like a dying candle flame. He didn't feel like losing the colors was going to make him real. He felt less real now. As if he'd forgotten some huge part of himself and gotten up without it, left the park, went home, and forgot that his life was back behind him, left sitting on the bench.

"So where did this Nanan character go, Mysty?" the voice jerked him around as the hand slapped his face. He stared up, watching the coldness of a job covering what might have been handsome once. "Where'd he go, hmm?"

They were, of course, being rough because he'd gotten in between them and some big wig. They had to prove their worth, show that they weren't as afraid of the L2 brood as they really were, as if they weren't just a finger in a huge fucking big hole in the dike, long past their usefulness.

"Dunno... slips in.. slips out... "Duo cracked a grin. "No idea where the hell he'd go, where he'd be. Got no name, ya know. But he'll have one before the night it through." He yawned and the yawn provoked another smack across his face, another, another.. he could taste blood in his cheek and he couldn't raise his hand to wipe it away because his arms were chained to either side of the bench. So yeah, even the cops are afraid of hexes.

Another hit and a curse and then a loud smack, of flesh against flesh, only too far away to be his head. He looked up, down, trying to find where that had come from and found two men standing before him.

They were bristling. The cop and the man holding his hand. The cop's face red with fury and embarrassment. He'd been caught roughing up an accessory, not even the real culprit. And the other man, slender like a cat, dressed in black gear, his hair a tousled mess over his head, falling against an eye, covering the tops of his ears, held with an ease, the hand which had been intended for Duo's face. While the cop was straining, the other man hadn't broken a sweat.

But it wasn't the grace in which the man moved, nor the intent blue eyes which stared down the cop until the other man had to concede, shoving away and taking a step back. It wasn't the mussed version of perfection that was his hair, wasn't the rounded forearms or the tense hand, wasn't the perfect slope of the jaw. Nothing about the man who'd saved him (but for how long?) caught Duo's eye. No, nothing could. Because between the pair of interlocked men was a strong beacon of warmth, of light, of color, bursting like a sun through two black trees, filling the room, Duo's eyes, his body. It radiated from the small golden necklace about the man's neck and it did not reach for Duo, still did not want him. Yet it didn't mind him being there and he found his soul reaching for it. It felt almost as if this was where everything originated, where it all began, in that small two barred pendant.

"Your.. necklace.." Duo grunted, staring at it, lost to the words that were around him. They made no sense. He needed the necklace. Or rather, he needed to not be too far from it. He needed it close. His arm moved and he blinked, staring down at where his hand was captured, shocked at how he couldn't make it there. "Ah... damn.." and with a sigh, disappointment filling him in waves, he leaned back against the wall and relaxed. Even if for this one moment, he was whole, he was real.

The dark haired man knelt before him and touched his face, Duo's eyes remained closed.  
  
"He doesn't know? Not surprising... considering how little we do know about this hell hole." A key sounded and Duo's wrist was free. The man continued to speak, low, quiet, easily unheard but never forgotten, "Well, you know as well as I that we'll never find him. And I got the wallet back. Besides," he chuckled low, "Now we know the bug works, so it should be just fine for the ops. Lets get this guy back home.""

Duo, beyond those sliding words, nestled into the warmth of that pendant, able to see it when it was this close, even though his eyes were closed.

"Get up.." the command slides too, and Duo can't exactly follow it. A sigh follows and his other hand is freed, then another, "Get up." No, no.. he wouldn't get up. Not when the color, not when the light was there. Not when it all fit.

"Listen scum bag, the captain said to get the fuck up, means you get the fuck up, hear?" and a pain broke shadows into the light. Duo cried out, pulling away from the darkness against his leg and moved closer to the light, eyes opening blindly, seeing only the necklace.

"Leave him." A terse set of words, the man was accustomed to being obeyed. "Go get a car ready."

Duo's eyes wandered in the light, and he smiled beatifically upwards, staring at the blue that reached out for him, wanted to net itself over him. This light didn't pulse though, didn't dim. Probably because it was living light. Or something like that. Duo giggled and the captain frowned in confusion.

"Yer eyes... s'not like the necklace, but I wonder what you'd say if I told you I needed to take your eyes. Not gonna though. They don't brighten up the world when they're dead so I'd have to take you all.." his giggle rose a bit and he wondered if he was going to be hysterical. "You gonna come home with me?"

"Captain?"

"What." The captain's voice was terse but those blue eyes never left off trying to reach for Duo, Duo, bathed in light.

"Car's ready, sir."

The captain merely grunted, lifting the slender mystic into his arms and stalked out, his face set but his eyes flowing blue over Duo's face. "Good.." the mystic laughed. "They always do. And then they always come back. Because they can't see the color but they know it's there. They believe me. You believe me don't you? You have this.. you have to.." and his fingers slipped around the necklace.

It was the first time he'd touched it. And the reaction was instantaneous. Both of them staggered, the captain's arms slipping, almost dropping Duo, the pair of them hitting the wall. Duo couldn't let go of the necklace, he knew it belonged to him, it was his. It was what he'd left at the park, on that bench... what he'd forgotten when he was a kid, or maybe even before. It was his realness.

The hall was afloat with voices. Duo couldn't make sense of them.

"... here! Bring the stretcher... I forgot, I just forgot... think they.... Wotinhell is th- ... mystic, sir... you don't think he... they never have.... before he...."

Then the voices were gone and he was in the light, the colors dancing over his skin, his naked skin. He laughed, floating in the darkness with the light all around him.  
  
'You think this is funny, Duo?' the dark voice asked.

'Hmm? Of course! They probably think I hexed him. I only wanted my necklace.'

'What makes it yours? I thought it was mine.' And the voice had eyes that radiated blue fire. Fire which was not the type to burn but which might just remake a soul at some deep forge, too deep to be dug up from the ground, secret and perfect.

'It might be yours, but the light is mine. Oh, no. It's not. It's everyone's. Or it is its own. I just need it and you don't,' Duo wasn't afraid of those eyes. 'Are you going to give me your eyes?'

The eyes laughed but the face did not. Because that face wasn't the most expressive in the world but the eyes more than made up for the lack. And Duo knew a name to go with them then. 'Heero.' Saying that name felt as if he was waking from a dream, where he'd forgotten himself, only to remember it all with the first touch of sunlight on his cheek.  
  
A brow arched and the man, walking on air, came closer. He too was nude and he too was bathed in the light, though the necklace was nowhere to be seen. 'So it would seem to be.' His voice had the same feeling of the colors, but it was its own color, like an auburn evening color of purple and russet and black.

'I don't think I need the necklace any more,' Duo whispered, staring at the perfect blue eyes wanting to grasp him. "I think I've found the colors." He smiled.

'Have you?' Heero whispered, coming closer, his finger tracing Duo's chin. 'Have you really?' That blue wiped all else from Duo but for the wash of color which came from between their bodies, from a pendant which burned into being, hanging in the air between their naked chests.

Duo's sigh had a sense of the final to it. 'As long as those eyes never leave,' and his smile graced the darkness and they came together, the pair of them, arms about one another, bodies pressed tightly. It was strangely not sexual at all, but was the way the light was declaring it to be. They felt the warmth of skin and the warmth of the light and the two were the same. So they pulled even closer, closer... until the light was hidden by their breast bones so close that not a single beam of color could last. And Duo felt it burst inside of him and he knew that he'd come home.

- Owari -

Duo grinned, leaned back and traced the edge of his computer screen. Then he felt up where the necklace used to hang, touching his bare chest, and found that he didn't miss its weight. The love that had made it important was still very much alive. As was the love that made him give it away.

Stretching where he sat, he worked at the download before putting the computer through the power down paces. As the last light went out in the dark dorm room, he felt, more than heard, the sudden motion in the bed across from him.

"Still awake?" Heero's voice grazed his skin like a caress.

"Yeah..." Duo blushed. "Had to do one last fic, ya know?"

"Only one?" Heero sounded amused.

"Well, the last one for that time." Duo stood, walking in the darkness until his leg bumped the iron side of the bed. "Ow!"

"Okay?" a hand reached out, found him and guided him to sit down. "Here, the lights from that screen will make you blind."

"So says the computer addict," Duo laughed. He leaned over and found the finely chiseled face with his fingertips, traced it's confines, the properties of something which was without form, the truth of Heero Yuy.

"Mmm... yeah..." Heero muttered but they both knew that they weren't going to be talking again for a while. And what words Duo might have been about to say, were taken away and sealed up behind his lips by the many moments passing that one.  
  
And Duo felt as if he were bathed in light.

- :: The End :: -

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_((Finally The End, but there's an epilogue and all... just cause I didn't want to lose them just yet and I love them and well.. I'm all sentimental. So you needn't read the last if you don't want. I just wanted to do it and so I'm gonna. Wow.. can't believe I actually DID a full fic. I'm blown away._

_Silent One: [hee hee] I love the idea of asexuality as a reason for someone to be uninterested. It always struck me that Heero was somewhat that, with the exception of whomever he had decided to enjoy. (Think I should write a chronicle of Earthworm Heero? Hee hee!)  
Hikaru: Yes. Dear Hee-chan has known the whole time. I'll have to keep that in mind next time, to make sure I'm more clear in my writing. (puts it on her task list) Glad it came off okay for you!  
Tonie: Yis, veddy OOC. Never been so good at following rules. I shall try m'best to put out more like it!  
Hellsqueen: Glad you liked it! And feel free to ask questions, eh? They give me an idea of what needs to be done differenly next time.  
Akenna: I shall! I shall!  
Anissa: To the Noble Revieweress! Thank you so much. I love it when they get flustered too. Only one more chapter left! [sob] It'll be strange to have finished a fiction and all. But it was made more than worth it with all the encouragement. I can't tell you how much your positive feedback helped focus this. _

_Request: I'se got a list o'stuff I'd like to work on and pull off over the next year or so. And I'd love to have the aid of a beta and their Red Pen. If you are interested, please email me? These fun lil' fics are cute and fun, but I've got a lot of learning to do on how to keep it clean and a bit of a shove in a good direction would be most appreciated.))_


	17. Epilogue

((_And finally... !!!_

_Warning: Yaoi. Don't know what it is, don't read it. : )_

_Disclaimer: I haven't been asked to own them, though I dream of them often, does that count?_))

* * *

Epilogue

"Ow."

"..."

"Ow, OW! Owowowowwwww ow ow. Umm... owie?"

"..."

"Okay, okay.. but just don't OUCH! Dammit, Heero!"

"Duo," a darker tone, strange how silence can be dark. Yet this single syllable is darker than the still reaction of a moment before.

"I know.." Duo's whimper rambles up the stairs, around the hall, bumping against the railings at the edge of the balcony. "It just hurts."

"I don't see why you can't sit still."

"Because, Oooooo please don't! Can't I just let it fester? I don't mind it festering. Because, oh Heero! Don't hold onto me so hard. That hurts!"

Quatre turns into the kitchen at the base of the stairs and watches the group. Friends, each of them. Behind, the sunlight pours into the window, breaking shards of reflection off of a steel sink and dancing on walls. A cool day, but sunny. It should prove to be perfect.

Why is it that sunlight can make anything beautiful? If one is in the right mood, that is. And that is the mood Quatre Winner discovers his psyche to have occupied this morning. Entering a kitchen, fully clothed and showered, he watches the trio at the table. Wufei over his morning tea, his dark eyes dancing in muted delight, watches Duo and Heero wrangle over Duo's arm.  
  
Heero, as usual, is winning.

"Owwwww, oh Heero, you don't love me anymore!" Duo's violet gaze swims in crocodile tears and his friend says nothing. No, Heero is far too intent on getting that hand to hold still.

They continue to struggle as Quatre crosses past them and glances at Wufei, giving a nod and then sending out a chipper, "Morning!"

A blue cup, darker than his own eyes, but calming enough, is soon full to the brim from the hazel nut scented coffee in the swedish red pot near the stove. Quatre's fingers curl around it's lip where the ceramic won't burn and takes stock.

The struggle has finalized with Duo half bent over Heero's shoulder, contorted to the side as if he'd been trying to twist himself and use Heero's shoulder for a lever so that he could extricate his arm from the dark haired pilot's grasp. This was, in fact, just what he'd been trying to do, with much cursing and begging and so on. But in the end, it only managed to immobilize Duo. Heero's hands held strict control as the tenseness in his bare arms showed.

"You know, if Tro saw this, he might start to think something was up," Quat teases, tilting his head and staring at them. Heero, still in his boxers with a loose tank top, while Duo's chest is completely bare and his legs encased in long flannel pj's.

"Duo?" Quatre manages to ask after his coffee touched brain makes the connection. "Are those Heero's pajama bottoms?" He tries not to let his mind do the conclusion jumping exercise.

Duo resists squealing as his eyes train on the blonde who is not helping him in the least bit. "Oww... yes... why?" he huffs.

"Oh, nothing," Quatre shrugs and gives a look at Wufei and wonders if there is more than just the struggle which can account for the bemused light in the chinese man's eye. And as if in conspiracy with Wufei, Quatre slides in a chair by the other and reaches for a muffin.

"Oh please, Heero, I swear I'll have your babies if you don't do this. It just looks so damn, OW! That _hurt_!"

"If you would hold still," Heero interjects.

"If you would stop poking fucking holes in my hand!" Duo shoots back.

Wufei leans over and smirks, "Sliver."

Quatre's brow raises. "Really?"

"Babies?" comes the missing voice and Trowa, also dressed and ready for the day, enters, gives a cursory glance to the contortionists, and leans over to kiss Wufei's brow and then goes for the coffee. In passing them, he calmly adds, "How many times has he promised that, Heero?"

"At least five times," Heero grunts.

"Hmm... quintuplets, I've always wanted to be an uncle," Quatre interjects happily.

"Oh c'mon you guys! Lay off, hunh? Oh Heero! I swear I'm never going to say another bad word again!" Duo's wail dramatic as always.

"What do you wanna bet he hasn't even touched him yet?" Wufei asks and draws out a chair beside himself for Trowa who returns with a cup, then reaches for the creamer in the center of the table.

"Hmm.. I think you might have something there," Trowa chuckles, settling next to his lover.

Duo cries. "Dammit! I'm bleeding here you guys! He's gouging my entire hand! Looking for one fucking piece of wood! Who cares?"

"I haven't." Heero's calm face shows no sign of what he might be feeling right now, annoyance or humor at the buoyant squirming that his roommate is doing across his back. "He won't hold still long enough."

"Hold still? How the hell can I hold still? You've got me held as still as I'll ever be!" Duo complains in the midst of laughter. "You guys are so wrong for me. I'm going to disinherit you all. That's it, Quat! You'll never see my red kiss thong underwear!"

Quatre blinks and turns red. "I don't think..." then at the laugh of triumph from Duo shakes himself. "So how'd you get the sliver, Duo?" trying to change the topic, his Christmas gifts not completely forgotten.

Duo stills a moment, thinking to himself. "It was this morning. I got up and was getting out of bed when I fell. Your beds aren't big enough, Quat. And cause the floor is wood, I slipped on my hands as I tried to keep my legs from falling out, only that's the kind of thing that happens when you get kicked out of bed. You don't really stand a chance. Lucky I didn't get any slivers in my knees, really... "Duo stops, looking at the other three who are staring at him as if they don't get it. "Sliver. Slipped. My hand slipped on the floor... The floor is wood?"

When the three don't respond, Duo sighs. "What is so hard to understand about that? Heero, explain it to them." Then something which has occurred to the others, occurs to him as well.

Silence has no chance to overtake the room. For as unflappable as always, Heero comments, "Apparently I take up more room than Duo is used to. He rolled over in an attempt to get to the other side of the bed, not realizing he was already on the other side of the bed. And in falling, he kicked me. Waking up, I responded in the old fashion and kept him moving." They all knew how that was. Sometimes you weren't quite all the way out of the war. One foot always stuck back in the past and there were the odd moments where that "foot" made its presence known.

"Therefore," Heero continues, "when he fell, his hands apparently shot out along the grain of the wood and caught in one of the joinings and picked up a sliver."

Trowa was first to recover. "I see.." and then added, "I'm sure you two will figure the mornings out soon enough."

"Oh we're not doing mornings ye-et" Duo's voice dies off and his face turns bright red in recognition of how blatant he's making it. "Umm, we... we haven't gotten that f-far." He manages to put information in the statement, but since Heero is turned from the table and Duo is across his back, Duo alone can see the faces looking at him. Everything from the triumphant Trowa to the aghast Wufei and finally to the shock on Quatre's face.

"Heero?" Duo tries, "you done?" and his voice rises into a squeak at the end. Heero had been calmly trying to convince his arm to hold still, had been tracing long slow circles on his forearm and despite the tight grip, Duo was far from hurting. But whenever Heero had ceased the touch, Duo knew that the needle with the burned tip, was heading toward his sliver and had protested all the more.

"You.... and Heero?" Wufei asks. Beside him, Trowa runs an arm past to get sugar and Wufei spares him a glance, as if shocked at how his lover is taking this, more shocked at that then the actual fact even.

Duo gives them a weak grin, his face aflame as he ventures to free himself again. "Heero?"

Silence follows but the hand is released and Duo stares at his hand as he pulls himself away, finding it free of sliver. Getting away is a far different story however and in a moment after, he finds himself in a warm lap, the heat of a chest under thin cotton at his shoulder and a nude arm around his waist, the skin on skin sensation rather... hrm. New?

"Errr.." Duo struggles a moment and rubs his eyes in nervousness.

Quatre continues to stare. Truth be told, he should have known. He'd been certain of Heero's feelings of course. Most of them knew. All of them knew, really. Except Duo. And Quatre had known before Heero even, had thought long before, toward the end of the war, that it was strange how Heero chose to stand, how he kept his body often times open toward Duo in a way he could not do to anyone else. It was a higher friendship than Heero had with any of the others. And it was telling in its own subtle way.

So why hadn't he known? All the signs.

Heero smiles and the smile warms Duo's shoulder before it emerges, somewhat shy around Duo's upper arm. Duo in turn, looks behind him at Heero, his violet eyes large and surprised. "I thought we weren't going to tell anyone yet!" his hissed whisper traveling through the room.

"It's like a band aid. The sooner you get it done, the less it hurts," Heero answers matter-of-factly. He wasn't sure in saying it and he is surprised even now, that Duo can't hear his heart pounding. It was stupid, a stupid, ill-thought out move on his part. Something he'd been fighting doing from the beginning. He had a bad feeling that he may very well find himself doing stupid, unplanned things more and more often, now that his plans were being taken over by a braided ex-pilot.

"Oh yeah?" Duo grinds out, his embarrassment turning into a flush of anger. He turns in that glorious lap and stares down at the dark chocolate eyes gazing up at him.

They're making a scene. He can feel it, but Duo doesn't want to care. Because it will only prove to make him more angry.

"I'm sorry, Duo," Heero tries to stem the tide that is coming in, not wanting to have this first moment spoiled before everyone. It wasn't often he was compelled to apologize. But in this case, it might just be needful. In fact, if he keeps doing stupid, unplanned things more often, then he'd need to consider apologizing more often as well.

"Well!" Quatre's voice finally expels from his mouth in a half shout and a breath.

Duo is quick to look back at his blond friend. "I'm sorry! I am so sorry! I didn't mean to! I really didn't. It just happened.."

The others watch this new conversation with interest. Wufei quiet and Trowa intrigued.

"Just happened?" Quatre stares in apparent dismay. "You promised! Duo! You said you never would!"

Heero's heart skips a beat and he can't help but tighten his arms around his... his... his lover? Had he been wrong? Blue eyes meet his over Duo's shoulder and the recrimination in them makes him shrink.

"I know!" Duo sighs. "But it's not like I have much say in the matter. You knew before I did. You even told me you thought I should wonder about things, that I might have more than I thought invested in this!"

"Well, yeah. But Duo, I figured you would at least give me some warning."  
  
Trowa's laugh is low. "The stories weren't enough warning, Quat?"

Heero, feeling lost, slowly starts to undo his hold on Duo, wondering how such a beautiful morning could turn so sour so quickly. "I don't understand," his voice low and in Duo's ear.

Duo turns and Heero can finally see the face of his love, the smile there and the laughter. And glossing over it all, a triumph. Duo is winning. Duo is getting his revenge. For whatever it is, this is pay back against Quatre. And Heero finds his heart rise once again out of the pit it had fallen into. Strange, that he should trust so completely. But he has known them all far too long. And even the uncertainty of new love is no match to the bonds that tie them all together.

"Quatre's upset. Because I'm with you." Duo smiles.

"But... why?" Wufei's query mocks Heero's.

"Because!" Quatre mock sobs. "I'm the token straight guy!"

Then seeing how the opening is there, Duo dives in with a mischievous grin. "Oh, don't worry, Quat! I'm sure we'll cure you soon enough."

Quatre, face bright red, falls back into his chair and laughs. And around him, the voices of those he loves rebound in the kitchen. And the sunshine sends extra light into the kitchen to do its best to entice them all out into the wide world awaiting them all.

::Owari::

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((_Well, I can't believe how MANY times I've written this epilogue. This is the fourth? I can't seem to get anything down that fits the rest of the story. So heck, maybe I shoulda ended at last chapter. Hee hee. But it needed something. Anyway, thank you ALL who chose to read this story. I can't believe I finally finished a story. I don't think I've ever done that on my lonesome ever before. Not without a deadline waiting on me somewhere. Thanks go most especially to Anissa for her steady support. I couldn't have done it without ya, actually. L And to all the rest of you! My goodness. I hope it was fun for all of ya. Feel free to give me feed back on how I could have made it better! I was not expecting such a positive response. I'm glad it worked out well. Until next time, eh?_)) 


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